And that's why I was in a box with a Snake Ninja
by Very Alter Ego
Summary: What?...What? Don't look at me like that. It was totally innocent. I fell in, he happened to be in the box, it was all just a misunderstanding. First Chapter is a notice so please take note of that note. Naruto-verse, self-insert fiction.
1. Read, this notice you must

This is the first proper fan fiction I have ever written (proper related to anything longer than 50 words and does not involve song parodies).

There are three things you need to know before you embark on this fan fic.

First, this _**is**_ a shameless self-insert. This _**is**_ a piece of fictitious work that does revolve around the principles that the author, or fictitious persons created by the author, are sent to an alternative universe to interact with near all the known characters and to utterly steal away the position of the main character. Your classic "sent to the Naruto universe" plot. If you can't stand that kind of thing, then you may want to try or luck somewhere else. Whereas, if you're not too bothered, stay awhile. Have a drink. Let your hair down. Come on, people. This is what anime based fan fiction is about.

Next, me thinks Orochimaru is utterly fantastic and I refuse to believe that he is a gay paedophile (You don't receive 24th place as the most popular anime character of all time by trying to bugger Sasuke. Look at Sakura.), so this is also classified as _Romance_ genre. That's right. I'm one of the 11 Naruto fans in the whole world whose favourite character is that smexy snake ninja. So I say again, if the thought of Orochi makes you want to grab a can of pepper spray and lock anyone under the age of 14 in the cupboard, you might want to turn around and start running. However, if you don't mind this little feature, then I wouldn't worry. You won't see any romance in the beginning, just nearing the later half of the fic. And if any of the other 10 Orochimaru lovers are reading this, RATE WELL AND RATE BIG!

And finally, there are at least two cross-overs in this fic, due to me having absolutely no originality, what so ever. The first is Pokémon, however this one may not count as I make no reference to the series, but to the games, or game in this case. I have also added an aspect of the Jackie Chan Adventures to the whole mix. There's probably a few others in their too. If you can't stand such things, back away slowly and don't make eye contact. If it's all good, then sit, read, laugh, choke, sweat drop and anime fall. Come on! Even if what I've mentioned isn't quite what you're looking for, at least check this out. But I don't want flamers burning on my work. That's why this is here. The same reason chainsaws have warning labels.

I'll try to make this as original and exciting as I can. I assure you, I'll make this into something great.

I would like to give thanks and thumbs up to all the great and varied fan fictions I have come across in my time. Special thanks to _thegriffin88_ for "So I Married A Murderer" who inspired me to write my own tale of OroxOC.

P.S. I'll start this fiction rating K, but mark my words; it will go up as the story continues.

…

…

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SQUEEEEEEEE!!! ^_^


	2. Of course the beginning sucks!

Name:

When spelt **Cyan** sounds like_ see-an, _

When spelt **Saiyan **sounds like_ sai-yan, _**not **_say-yin_

***3****rd**** Person Point Of View***

It was a true summer morning, despite summer having only announced its scheduled presence three days ago. The sun had risen in the Tropic of Capricorn two hours ago (Aussie time), yet the occupants in the house situated nearly 30 million miles away from the earth in a little suburban area of Adelaide were clearly ignoring it's lovely, warming, skin cancer giving rays and staying stubbornly asleep.

Except one.

The room in which the sunlight had cunningly infiltrated was painted a buttercup yellow, done at an age when the single occupant of the room could actually fit into the small, single bed; which had been jammed up against the corner wall in order that a work desk might take up what space was left. Apart from the bookcases.

And the dresser.

And the cupboard.

(Well, that killed some time.)

In the time it took to explain that, the sun had manoeuvred itself masterfully so that it shone brightly in a clean arc across the bed and into the eyes of the bed's occupant.

From the lopsided position the person was in, due to the size of the occupant and the bed, they raised their head to stare dazedly through the crack in the curtains at the lustrous orb. With a quick flick of the head to remove the hair from their mouth, they promptly turned their back on the light and said in a dried, croaky voice

'Get the frick out of my face. It's 6 in the sodding morning.'

The sun did not know how to answer this right away, but after seven minutes countered with 'Yeah, well…Your Mom!…is …lazy...and stuff.' But by this time the person was already asleep again.

***Cyan's Point Of View***

'I slept in again, didn't I?' I ask myself. Of course I know the answer. I'm the latest sleeper in the whole family. I turn my head to face the clock. There's a 1, another 1, two double dots, a 3 and upside down nine. I'm not quite sure what it means, but I'm probably late.

I turn my head to face the ceiling and get up. There's a cracking sound as I lift myself off the bed. At least I know that's the bed making that noise. Outside my room I can make out a few distinct noises.

My younger brother, John, playing Sonic Riders on the Xbox (Judging by the punching sounds and warning sirens, he's playing as Knuckles the Echidna on theEgg Factory course. Trust me, _I _know just from listening), my father in the study listening to the radio, and if that humming is the washer…it is…then mum's outside hanging clothes. Wait…door's opening. She's done. Ahh…things are running smoothly. Hmm…I've I been out of bed for 5 minutes. I think it's time for me to get back in.

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee………………………………

As my face finds the pillow again, a series of loud footfalls down the corridor stops and a voice calls out 'Cyan, you better get up, it's half past 11! You'll need to have a shower and get your stuff together if you want to go to Nanna's!' I lift my head off the pillow. 'Nanna's?…Wait, NANNA'S!?! The trip's today!!! HOLD THE SHOWER!!!'

I jump out of bed in a single bound, two seconds after which the world spins around me and I fall to the floor in a dizzy heap, accompanied by a thud. Mum makes her presence in the vicinity known. 'Cyan, don't jump out of bed too quickly! You're anaemic! You've got low blood pressure.'

'Really? Wow, mum you really should tell me these things more often.' 'Do you want to go to Nanna's?' She counters. 'I'm coming, I'm coming…' I haul myself up and out the bedroom door.

***30 minutes showering and 5.4 seconds dressing later***

Showers are the best things in the world. I was brain dead and sweaty a few minutes ago. I'm still brain dead, but at least I'm clean now. I finish brushing my hair and stand back from the bathroom mirror for inspection.

Not looking to bad, if I say so myself. At the age of 17, going on 18, I had reached a height of five foot seven. Strongly built, I had given up all ideas of becoming a stick insect, both physically and morally, a long time ago.

Since then, I had wanted be strong, fit and healthy; which was why I have been using the family's treadmill and exercise bike for over two years every day. I might have had more luck if I didn't love food a much as I do. I eat like a buaimic horse, but without the cookie tossing. Still, I'm quite fit and strong for my age, I'm proud to say. Smart, too.

Granted, if you talked to me you'd swear you'd get more sense out of a rat on cocaine, but that's only because people won't talk to me about the things I know about. Like Biology, Naruto, psychology, Red Dwarf, Snakes, Dragons, their balls and Z's, Anime, Pokemon games and Naruto the Abridged Series on YouTube.

(Fear me, I know how to use the Pudding Dragon Jutsu)

I look down into the bathroom sink to see five really, really long brown hairs curled up around the drainpipe. Crap, I shed hair like collie. I pull up the hairs from the sink and deposit them in the bin next to the sink.

As I stand back up I notice a black hair strand just like the others on the side of the sink. Oh great, not another one. I pick it up and hold it to the light. Yup, it's one of my black baby hairs. On the left side of my head at the front I have a patch of hair, same length as the others, that is pitch black.

Apparently, when I was born I had black hair and as I aged it became lighter until it had become hazelnut brown, except for that single patch which had stubbornly remained the same. I thought it was fantastic.

I had tired to get my mum enthusiastic about the idea of dying all of my hair black, but I hadn't succeeded. She says I'm really pale skinned already, and having black hair would make me look like Dracula. I think it would make me look like someone else who likes to bite people (hint, hint).

Throwing the hair away with the others, I stood back one last time. Decked out in a white, outdoors singlet, navy jeans, brown hair tied back in a pony-tail, wearing in a pair of white and lime-green sports sneakers and finishing it all off with a dazzling braces-showing smile; I was ready to face the dusty, dry, farming land of Australia that is my Nan's place.

Complete with my lucky cobra necklace (which I had bought from a Zen meditation store, claiming the cobra to be a Celtic symbol, which is a load of bunk if I ever heard it), my customary watch inlaid with opal and pearl which I had received as a gift on my 12th birthday (and have never gone a day without wearing it since) and, just for this special occasion, my brother's Sand Ninja headband (borrowed with his permission, of course. My Leaf Village headband was in the wash after it suffered a Coke Cola related mishap), worn Shikamaru-style around my arm.

Giving my reflection a quick brown eyed wink, I turn and flick off the bathroom lights. The sounds of Jet the Hawk racing on the Splash Canyon course (John finished playing as Knuckles after my shower) abruptly die out. A yell of indignity from the same room proves that my brother has noticed the sudden lack of game play.

'Cyan' my mother calls from the laundry, 'Which light switch did you use?' 'Just the bathroom lights, Mum' a sign later she replies 'Go and help your brother put the Xbox back on. And then get your stuff together. I just have to go out for a sec for petrol and then I'll come back take you to Nanna's, OK?' Yeah, I don't have a drivers licence yet. I can't help it.

Halo has taught me hitting moving objects is a good thing.

***13 ¼ minutes later***

If I have forgotten anything, I will strangle myself with Nan's dog. I have spent two nights preparing for this trip, planning on it ever since the beginning of my Year 12 exams. It is now three weeks after my exams (all of which I hope I passed) and my plans have finally come to fruition.

I'm spending two weeks of my holidays at my Nanna's farm in the outback. This is my Schoolies Week. It's not that sad and pathetic when you think about it. There are no drugs, no drunk people (actually no people whatsoever, really. But I'm a complete and utter failure socially so it really works out well. Seriously, I have a medical certificate stating I socially inept), the chance to see real life snakes (abet, fatally poisonous ones) and a beautiful, unbridled night sky to gaze at.

Plus, with two grandparents that work on the farm all day, I get all the free time in the world to draw anime, watch DVD's and play with my most prized possession: Pokemon LeafGreen on my personally customised (I stuck some stickers of dragon balls on it) GameBoy SP. It was my favourite of all the Pokemon games, even though I already had a DS Lite with Pokemon Diamond. I had played it the most and had built up a prime collection of pocket monsters. But this was only one aspect of the trip for me.

Leaning backwards slightly, my eyes find the clock in the kitchen. I've been waiting at the back door for Mum for six minutes and counting. I've got a school backpack on (having removed all things of a learning nature and replaced them with more pleasant items such as my DVD player, my walkman, a few of my favourite books and DVD's (mostly Naruto related), a small collection of CD's including Fallout Boy, sketch book, pencils and pens, other Naruto related objects (my mind is _that_ warped) and my personal diary.

Not the "Dear Diary" type of thing. It's a school diary I use to plan my days and weeks. But the last two back pages are the most important to me. I also had a big over-night bag next to me, full of all my necessities like new clothes, toiletries and other stuff needed for survival where you couldn't get the internet.

A call suddenly came out from the study. 'Cyan, could you do me a favour and get my tea ready?' Dad and his flaming tea. I grit my teeth as hard as they would allow. That man…got on my wick something fierce. And that's putting it mildly. He was another reason why I wanted to escape to Nan's. Unfortunately I was out on a limb; Mum wasn't back so he knew I had nothing better to do.

Signing, and picking up my over-night bag, I made my way to the laundry area where the kettle was placed, due to the fact that our kitchen is too tiny to contain any cooking instruments and therefore can't really be called a kitchen. It's basically a pantry with a fridge.

Now, whole problem with the laundry started a few months ago when we had a bit of renovation done to the electrical systems (e.g. the daily power outs that would occur throughout the day and would last 4 hours were starting to become slightly annoying) and so an electrician was brought in to fix the problem.

He did.

And so a new problem was hired to take its place.

Ever since that day, whenever someone flicks on or off a light switch, something else turns on or off as well. Apparently, the order of this random as the same light doesn't switch off the same game console twice (hence with the bathroom light and the Xbox). But the really important thing I was told was after the departure of the _un_handy-man was not to use the light in the laundry as it had short circuited.

If you're wondering, I didn't pay attention after this.

It didn't seem to matter anyway. I've used that light all the time, even after the warnings. Haven't died yet. Why…because I'm awesome.

Mum is taking way too long. With a quick shrug of the shoulders, I swing my backpack off my back and onto the floor. After a quick rummage down the side, I pull out my SP, and with an even quicker flick of the wrist flip it open and on. Repositioning my backpack and placing the over-night bag under one arm, I make my way towards the laundry again. Maybe I'll train Voltage. The starting battle music form the game played out.

I reach out my hand and flicked the laundry light switch.

Hey…the stupid thing's busted.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	3. I choose you, NARUTO!

_In Cyan's/Saiyan's Point Of View:_

'If I'm talking, it looks like this.' If not, I'm just thinking it.

Also, in this instance, '_**bold and italic like this means singing out loud'**_

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***3****rd**** Person Point Of View***

The sun was bearing down on the wide, dirt road. It was the main route to and from the village to the outer farming areas and even further beyond, the border of the Fire Country.

The road, bare of grass, worn down by constant travel from farmers, cattle and travellers coming to and from the village. There were few markers along the road, indicating the various smaller towns that branched off the main path. From the position the sun was bearing down, one who knew the land could tell you it was approximately midday, about 2 miles to the village from that very location.

To find someone resting upon the side of the road was highly uncommon, unless it was some drunk who had managed against all reason to find himself out in the middle of nowhere from one of the towns. The part of the road outside Tanzaku Town suffered this indignity the most. But for that Tanzaku Town would need dignity. But I digress.

On the side of the road, about twenty steps from a nearby signpost lay a young, female individual, either asleep or unconscious. However this state did not last. The sun grudgingly awoke from her unresponsive state. With the eye of someone who had gone to sleep intoxicated and had not expected to have quite as big a headache has they had first reckoned, the woman turned her head side to side from her lying down position to view her surroundings.

To her right was a large over-night bag, beyond that, grass, dirt and in the distance trees. To her left the same basic surroundings. She could feel she was siting on something big and that it was attached to her back by straps.

Facing up into the sun, she pushed herself up with a groan into a sitting position. With a quick scan of the area, she confirmed what she had seen lying down to be true. With another groan she reached up to place her left hand to her forehead, to see if it would ease the pounding sensation.

She stopped half way.

She stared at her wrist and arm closely finding them to be different in appearance form the time she was last awake. Upon her arm was a long black tattoo that reached down to her wrist, decorated with what appeared to by wisps or flame or leaves. Going down her arm, two symbols in black had been painted, almost burned, onto the skin.

But that wasn't the only thing.

She turned her attention to her legs and her body. Having viewed what see could see of her form, a thought had managed to lodge itself into her bedazzled mind. Staring straight ahead in shock, she voiced that thought in a small, stupefied voice.

…

'My God…I've been photoshopped.'

***Cyan's Point Of View***

'I am not have a good day.' I tell the open air. I've been drugged, kidnapped and who knows what else.

And that's not the worst thing…I'VE LOST MY GAMEBOY!!! My poor Pokemon LeafGreen! My Ninetails, my Entei, MY GENGAR! I loved you most of all…and now you're lost to me forever…lost…out there…speaking of which, where is that?

I have another look around me. I'm in the middle of nowhere (and not the dry, desert-y Aussie kind of nowhere), and I think my eyes are screwing with me. I look back down at my hands. I've still got my long fingers and nails, but apart from that, everything else is just a little off.

All my scars I've gotten on my hands throughout the years have gone, along with the mole on the inside of my left middle finger. In fact, my fingers barely look real. I've been photoshopped I tell you. Or I've been hit over the head pretty hard.

I gaze at my left arm again. _That_ is definitely a tattoo I've got. (Squeee…How Orochi-ish ^_^) Awesome, Japanese kanji…hm, I definitely recognise the second kanji but I've never seen the first.

I hold up my left hand to the sun. My eyes widen. I thought it was just the shadows that my hand makes, but up in the light my hand looks like it's…_outlined in black!?!_

'Ok, not funny. This is too messed up, even for someone who still likes Happy Tree Friends.' I stand up slowly, head still spinning slightly. My backpack shifts downwards on my shoulders as I examine the rest of my body. My eyes finish their check. I feel a twitch under my right eye.

I think I'm either going to laugh or scream.

I choose the latter.

'WHAT THE *%# HAPPENED TO MY BODY!!??!!' My clothes fit as normal but my body must of at least done down a dress size, and there is no way these breasts are mine!

In the words of Ben Elton from his book This Other Eden, I look like something thought up by a Japanese porn artist….wait…

Japanese…

Porn…

Japanese… anime…

Anime…black outline…

Perfect body…

Anime…GameBoy

Anime…

ANIME!!!

'Oh my God, THAT'S IT!

I'M IN POKEMON!!!

That must be it! The black outline, the anime body, the scenery…THE LAUNDRY LIGHT SWITCH!!! I started playing Pokemon before flicking on the switch! I'm in the Pokemon universe! That's why I lost my GameBoy! ' I look up at the sky.

'My duty is clear! I must make with all haste to the nearest Pokemon Centre, where I will proceed to remove my Entei and legendary birds from storage, and use them to take over the Poke world!!!' This is going to be awesome! And best of all, I can use my Aerodactyl to fly to places!

_Yosh!_

He, he…what a Rock Lee moment.

'Ok, logically, if this is Pokemon, then I should have some Poke Balls on the belt I should now be wearing.' I look down. No Poke Balls and no belt. If feel a twinge of disappointment. 'Ok then…my backpack should now contain potions and items and stuff.' I swing the backpack off my shoulders. I rip open the zip and look in. Walkman, DVD's, books, diary…WHERE ARE THE SMEGING POTIONS?!

'What kind of Pokemon universe is this?!' I screech. I pound a fist into the ground out of sheer frustration. There's a loud thump and some dust flies up from the impact. I stand up straight, rubbing my hand from the punch. I stare down at the dirt.

My punch left a small but definite hole in the ground. That isn't right. For me to make any sort of impression in the ground, I would've needed to be twice as strong, and even then my knuckles would be scratched.

Something slides down my wrist. The Sand Village headband drops to the ground with a loud thunk. I bend down and scoop it up, and right away something is different about it. It feels _and weighs_ like real metal, not the fake shiny plastic it _used _to be made of. I stare at the reflection in its surface, distorted by the hourglass-like shape etched into it.

This is a real Sand Shinobi Forehead Protector.

The truth hits me so hard I almost stagger. This isn't Pokemon…This is Naruto!!! It has to be!…but the headband and my strength don't really prove it. There should be a way to find out. I mean, I know the hand signs, but I can't recall the sequence of any jutsus. I don't really know about searching for chakra…Jeeze, this should be easier. It always is in Mary-Sue fan fictions.

I look around the area again. This is reminiscent of the road Naruto and Jiraiya took while on their excursion to locate Tsunade. Hell, if is really the Naruto universe, it probably is. Wait a sec, there's a signpost further down. That might help. I replace my backpack and once again gain a hold of the over-night bag. I get on the dirt path and start to walk down to the signpost.

'Every written thing in Naruto is written in Japanese kanji, hiragana and katakana. If the signpost is too, then it must be the Naruto universe. Heck, I'm probably lucky. Even if they speak Japanese here I can probably keep up. You don't do 5 years of Japanese in high school just to flail about hopelessly in a Japanese orientated society.' I say to myself.

I reach the signpost. I was right, everything is in kanji. I smile. In the second episode of Naruto they display the kanji for Konohamaru's name. I can at least recognise that on the signpost. Konoha is down that way, about 2 miles from this spot, up the road with the forest in the distance. 'Looks like I have a long way to go. I should at least make the best of it.'

Once again removing the backpack from its place on my shoulders, I dig into its contents and pull out my Walkman, earphones and Walkman carrier bag. Arranging all the items in their proper places, I press the PLAY button and "Shake It" by Metro Station starts to ring through my ears.

I take off in a run down the road, smiling all the while. I've got a long way to go, a few things to find out and way to get me into Konoha with a Sand Ninja headband and no Ninja Registration Form, but this beats anything I've done or hoped to do by a long mile.

Using my knowledge of Naruto, I _will _accomplish four things. One, learn Taijutsu and as many Ninjutsu and Genjutsu as possible. Two, meet as many characters as I can. Three, mess with the original plot as much as possible. And forth, and most important of all, _I'm going after Orochimaru!_

'_**Shake, shake, shake, shake, a-shake it **_

'_**Shake, shake, shake, shake, a-shake it **_

'_**Shake, shake, shake, shake, a-shake it **_

'_**Shake, shake, shake, shake, a-shake it **_

'_**Shake, shake, shake, shake, a-shake it…'**_

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**Weeee…that was fun. Chapter 2 is up. Come on, someone rate! I'm a bit busy for a few days, but I've already started on Chapter 3. I would like to thank **_**Iraoftheseven**_** for the great review. Now it's YOUR turn! Seriously, it's time for some reviews, people! **

**P.S. Forgot to mention this. As the fic goes on, it may become a Supernatural Genre. Why…because it's awesome. And so are you ;) **

**P.P.S. In the first version, I wrote that the town Naruto and Jiraiya find Tsunade in was called Tazuna Town, when actually that was the name of the bridge builder in the Zabuza Ark, and the town is really called Tanzaku. So now you know! Totally pointless, really…New Chapters soon! **


	4. Village Cremated in the Leaves

_I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Except for a 20 cm model of Orochimaru. Hey, I payed $15 dollars for it, that makes it mine, doesn't it?_

_In Cyan's/Saiyan's Point Of View:_

'If I'm talking, it looks like this.' If not, I'm just thinking it.

Also, '_**bold and italic like this means hand signs and performing a jutsu'**_

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***3****rd**** Person Point of View***

The sun, already endowed in its place in the sky, was hanging lazily above the treetops. The afternoon had well set in and air was warm and calm; the tempting weather persuading all forms of forest dwelling life to emerge from their dens and bask in the sun.

It would be hard to not be put at ease by the spring-like weather and the beautiful natural surroundings.

But, apparently, someone was.

A lone figure, wearing a backpack and carrying an over-night bag, was trekking down the main road to Konoha.

She had long left the more spacious area of the route and had entered the deep forest area that surrounded the Leaf Village itself. At first as her travel began, she had been held in awe at the magnificent environment which she had found herself in. The land, had for the most part, been totally unblemished by human settlement or activities, the natural world left to grow and bloom to its best potential. To see such a place as this was something she never expected to see in real life, the last truly beautiful places in her world ruined by development or made inaccessible to all except the incredibly wealthy.

For the most part of her trip, the scenery had held almost all of her attention, but soon after entering the forest, knowing her journey was coming to its conclusion, her mind wandered to a more pressing issue. She had no doubts that for her to enter the Leaf Village, she would need some ID and a reason for arriving in Konoha. Not only that, she had a Sand Village headband that would need to be explained.

Having nowhere else to go, a plan needed to be conducted before she met with the local ninja residence so as not to create suspicion. It seemed silly to her to try and pass herself off as a civilian, as her future plans required her to gain access to ninja admissions, but without the necessary identity papers her prospects of even entering the village were slim to none. A truly believable excuse would need to be created to explain her presence as a Sand Shinobi without the required paperwork.

She stopped suddenly. An idea had formed in her head. She moved a hand to her lips as she ran over the possibilities of introducing this new thread to her story.

It _was_ plausible, it _was_ likely to have occurred, and there would be no way to prove her story was false.

Using this might just be the way to get her into Konoha without any hassle. But for it to work, she would need to appear convincing when pleading her case. Turning off her Walkman, she strode to the side of the path to face one of the tall trees.

She took a deep breath in and closed her eyes as she envisioned the situation that she would find herself in when arriving in the Leaf Village. A veteran liar, she knew that eye movement could betray her if her nerves were brought to the surface.

She opened her eyes and faced the tree with a calm stare. With the Hokage's face replacing that of the tree's worn bark, she voiced her reason to the forest.

'…My Nin dog ate my ID papers.'

***Cyan's Point Of View***

I think I've just produced my first sweatdrop. I did not just say that. _How_ could I believe that would work on the Hokage? If I wanted to make a complete _baka _of myself, why didn't I just say _my clan elders forbid me to have one _or _my summoning thought it was an explosive tag and buried it_?

I turn around and start walking again. 'I'm so screwed.' I announce to the forest. 'I'm up a certain creek without a certain instrument.' How am I supposed to catch Orochimaru if I can't even find a way of getting into the Leaf Village? (Unfortunately, posing as the Kazekage wouldn't work in this instance.) 'I might as well turn around now.' A jolt of anger gives my body a sudden rush.

I grit and bare my teeth. 'I'm here in the Naruto world, _anything_ is possible. I going after Orochimaru and I'm not going to lie down and sulk when things get difficult!' I take off in a run again, earphones still around my head. I reach a hand down into my Walkman carrier and turn off the pause. The chorus of Everybody's Going To War starts playing again. Now is not the time to be cynical. If this is the beginning of the show, there's about 27 episodes from here to Orochi. I've got a lot of time to train and build up techniques. Then I'll _finally_ get to see him. And _glomp_ him.

I smirk, 'He won't know what hit him.'

Trees flash pass as I continue my frantic pace. I'm near the end of the trail, I can feel it. I skid to a stop and dash off the path, behind a tree. I was right, for once. About 30 metres ahead where the trees end are the main gates of Konoha. This is where Team 7 left from when the Zabuza ark started.

At the moment, they're closed. From here I can't see anyone, but I don't want to risk it. There are probably guards at the top of the two towers, and I'd be spotted in a second. There is no way I can go through the front gates. Even if I waited for someone else to come, which would probably take ages, I'd easily be singled out from the rest of them. I reach down and turn off my Walkman.

If I want to get in, I'll have to find a way over the protective wall surrounding the village. There has to be at least one point in the wall that I can scale and is unguarded. I'll need to keep going straight around the outside and find a spot I can get through. Using the trees as my cover, I move right from the gates and begin to trek around.

***20 minutes later***

I'm taking a break. It's been ages and I haven't found one smegging spot that I could sneak in. They don't call them Hidden Villages for nothing.

I take off my backpack and fall back against a tree. I don't like repeating myself, but I'm screwed. I've got no food, I'm tired and I've got no way in. But I do have water. A bottle of one, to be precise.

Opening up my backpack, I withdraw said item, and take a long swig from it. It's gotten a bit warm, but it's better than nothing. I take a long look around me. A forest to one side of me, and a huge wall to the other. And trust me; I know how thick it is.

During the Leaf invasion, Orochimaru's giant three-headed snake crashes through that wall, decimating everything in its path. Must be at least 40 metres thick.

(That's the wall, you understand, not the snake. Ha, ha.)

Makes me wish I had a giant snake. I had a female Arbok in my LeafGreen game. One of my top favourites, she was… I wish I had my game now. Perhaps it short-circuited when I hit the light switch. I replace the top on my water bottle and put it back in my backpack. With no way in, and nothing to occupy my attention, I've got _a lot_ of free time on my hands.

And I think I know how to spend most of it.

Digging deeper into my backpack, I pull out my diary. Moving into a cross-legged position, I place it on my lap and open it up to the every last page. I smile as my mind goes on a little trip. The two last pages are filled with nothing but pictures of Orochimaru, fitted into every available space. Some are shots of him from the anime, others are photoshopped or fan based pictures.

I've even put one of my own pencil drawings in there, inspired by a really great and original fan fiction I read. (You know who you are ^_^) He's holding the Kusanagi Sword in one hand and a snake is wrapping around the other. He's in his normal cream-coloured tunic with the black turtleneck underneath and his purple rope tied in a bow around his waist.

The only thing different is that his lower half is a black and white snake's body, long and winding off behind him. I spent ages on it, just to make it look realistic. It's all in lead pencil, but I did the eyes using yellow pen, so it looks like his eyes are glowing. He's got that snake-like smile on his face, his fangs and his tongue just showing. It's one of my best pieces of work.

A twittering above my head makes me jump up from my position. In the tree above me, a few birds have gathered. I stand up and move back from the tree. I never sit under a tree when there are birds in it. Knowing my luck, I'd be washing my hair for the rest of the day.

Something falls from my diary. A folded piece of paper rests on the ground by my feet. Picking it up and slipping it open, it revels itself to be a list of ninja hand signs including pictures of how to form them. I had copied it off the Internet on a separate occasion. I had printed it off, for the reason that all Naruto fans do, and had put aside some time to try them out.

Put simply, as long as the technique didn't involve the Bird hand sign and I was given about 5 minutes to form the Horse, Bull and Rat signs, I would be an excellent ninja. (The Bird hand sign bugs me no end. XP)

There was also some of my own writing at the top of the page. After watching some episodes of Naruto on DVD, I would go back through and record the hand signs of the jutsus, as I couldn't be bothered remembering them off the top of my head. Each picture had a number in a different coloured pen, shared by a Jutsu title in the same colour.

I had all the fan favourites. The Fireball Jutsu, Shadow Clone, Dragon Flame Jutsu (I prefer Phoenix Flower personally), Chidori, that kind of thing. I had also gone through any jutsus that Orochimaru used. _Those_ were underlined. I had the hand signs used in his summoning jutsu. Such a pity that Anko didn't use hand signs when performing Striking Shadow Snake. That was _fantastic_. (Seriously, _**No one**_ would mess with you if you knew that technique. Ku, ku, ku…)

…

…

…

I want to try a jutsu.

I _really_ want to try a jutsu.

I _really, really_ want to try a jutsu.

It suddenly dawns on me truly for the first time. _This is_ the Naruto world, _I have_ chakra and _I can _do jutsus.

I've got to try one.

_**Now.**_

I look down at the paper. The Dragon Flame Jutsu requires only four hand signs that, thankfully, I can do.

Grabbing my backpack, I shove my dairy back into it, still holding onto the hand sign sheet. I position my backpack and over-night bag by the wall and turn around. I stare down at the pictures, trying to memorise the exact sequence.

It goes Snake, Dragon, Rabbit and Tiger. I try to visually burn them onto my mind. I can remember the episode Sasuke used this.

(Aside from it being one of the worst drawn episodes ever. Seriously, when Orochimaru punched Sasuke, it looked like his face was made of marshmallow.)

I throw the piece of paper to the side. I'm ready for this. I feel like I just had a 2-litre jug of coffee. I've got a tingling running through in my veins, like when you're on a sugar rush. I get my hands into the Snake position.

There's a heated feeling in between my fingers. I'm almost shaking and I don't think its just nerves. I stare dead ahead of me. My mouth feels dry. I bare my teeth. The sound of the world fades. I begin.

Snake…

_**Dragon…**__my heart's beating like crazy…_

_**Rabbit…**_ _I feel so hot…_

_**Tiger…**__Oh dear God…_

'_**FIRE STYLE: DRAGON FLAME JUTSU!!!'**_ _I can't breathe!!!_

The world around me erupts into flame. Fingers aching under pressure, I breathe in all the air in the world.

I exhale.

The forest turns red.

The world's mute button is then turned off. There's the sound of breaking, crackling, and burning. I'm breathing out all the air I have in my lungs and the roaring of the fire I have created is filling my head. I've never been surer I'm alive.

Finally, my breath finishes. The fire dies out around me. The sugar high feeling is gone, so has the tingling. The world suddenly starts to sway. This is worst than just feeling drained. I feeling like all the blood has been sucked from me.

I can't stay upright. I fall on my knees. The feeling becomes stronger. I fall onto my side. I look at the forest for the first time since I started.

Its charcoal, decimated. Everything for at least 10 metres is black or grey. I've cut a line right down through the forest. I give a woozy smile. 'He, he…I'm good.'

I gaze over at the tree I was sitting under. And I gaze at the piles of ash scattered around the tree's remains. Crap, not only did I kill the trees, I cremated the sodding birds. 'Don't worry little _tori_; your death is proof that I will be an awesome ninja.' I groan to the ashen piles. (Man, I'm so evil. I'm Orochi-evil  .)

Everything is becoming distorted. I can't keep my eyes open, it's too hard.

Something out of the haze makes itself known to me. I can hear voices but they're really far away. Suddenly I feel a whoosh of air beside me and a bang goes off.

I open one eye. Smoke has flown up from an unseen place. Then a black cloak and _zori _ninja sandals comes into range. The cloak wearer bends down. My eyes meet that of an ANBU animal mask.

Might as well try to communicate with the locals.

'_Konichiwa, ANBU sama. Ogenkidesuka?' _

'Are you the one responsible for this?'

So much for learning Japanese.

'In my defence, sir, the forest was the one who started it.' I feel another whoosh of air behind me. More footsteps confirm another presence.

'Is she the one who started the fire?'

The non-Japanese ANBU looks up to his partner.

'The low amount of chakra currently in her body proves it'

Now I'm fed up. 'Look, do any of you speak Japanese, or has most of the five years of my high school life been a total waist of time?'

Mr. Non-Asian ANBU jerk looks back at me.

'What were you doing using such a high level jutsu outside the Hidden Leaf Village?'

'I was practicing my jutsus, dumb ass. Seriously, do you think I would use it _inside_ the Leaf Village so then instead of trees I could burn down people's houses? Use your head.'

The footsteps behind get closer.

'She's wearing a Sand Ninja headband.'

Mankey ANBU git tries again.

'What is your business here?'

'Naruto, Zabuza, tell Sakura to get real, hug Gaara, Chuunin Exams, shake Anko's hand, glomp smexy Snake ninja and have a moonlight wedding with said person.'

There's a brief silence. Generic ANBU #2 speaks up.

'Could you repeat that?'

'She must be delirious from the massive chakra loss. She mentioned the Chuunin Exams.'

'Do you think she was meant to come with the other Sand Genin that arrived today?'

'By the looks of it. Over by the wall appears to be her supplies.'

My head gives a throb. I close my eyes again and rest my head on the dirt. There's no grass and then I remember I burnt all the grass off.

'She's severely depleted her chakra with that jutsu. We should get her to the hospital. You grab her bags.'

'That's right. Hop to it, bell boys.' Hands slide under me. My head leaves the dirt. I'm in someone's arms, I think. I wish it was Orochimaru's…

'Do you believe she's a spy?'

'If so she's a badly trained one. But I'm sure Ibiki will want a word with her.'

'We'll also have to notify the Hokage about this.'

The Hokage? Sarutobi…he get's royally pwned, doesn't he?

'I've never seen garments like these before.'

'No weapons holster, either.'

Weapons? Smeg that. I'm so awesome, that I survived after burning down a whole forest without suffering any ill effects from the jutsu.

…I feel really light all of a sudden…

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Happiness for all! Chapter 3 is up. More coming soon. **


	5. Let Ibiki Hit The Floor

_**I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Except for a Sasuke plush toy… That stares at me with his unblinking Sharingan eyes…Watching me while I sleep… **_

_**In Cyan's/Saiyan's Point Of View:**_

'If I'm talking, it looks like this.' If not, I'm just thinking it.

Italics mean words spoken in Japanese

_**Name:**_

When spelt **Cyan** sounds like_ see-an,_

When spelt **Saiyan **sounds like_ sai-yan, _**not **_say-yin_

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***3****rd**** Person Point Of View***

The atmosphere in the Konoha hospital was one of general tranquillity. Although ninjas are, by nature and training, adept at handling such weapons as kunai, shuriken and of course the very jutsu they use; patiens admitted due to accidents were as common as patiens injured on missions.

Team-mate troubles, Jounin rivalry and the general feeling of untouchable-ness that comes with handling deadly weapons, had all been dealt with in the hospital's past by its helpful medic-nin.

Interesting cases had also been examined, such as the many Genin who come in battered and covered in deep scratches, confessing that they had been savaged by rogue tigers, when as told by their Jounin sensei's, had actually been pursuing a rather testy cat.

(Sound familiar?)

However today, the staff at the hospital had received a slightly more puzzling admission. A young girl had been spotted outside the Leaf Village wall by guards, performing a powerful fire-style jutsu on the surrounding forest.

Some ANBU Black Ops had picked her up, after she had fainted from the drastic loss of chakra. The ANBU had noticed she was in possession of a Sand Village headband, and had two bags of supplies with her, yet the ANBU had found no ID on her.

Questions about her appearance had sparked some theories from all whom been informed of her arrival. The ANBU were convinced that she was a spy and her jutsu was an attack on the security of the Leaf Village, however her age and lack of proper control of her chakra had others guessing that she was a Sand Genin who had come to participate in the Chuunin Exams.

However, for what reason she had been using that jutsu outside of Konoha's boarders was still unknown. The news of her arrival had spread quickly, and even at this early time of her admittance, two people were already waiting for her to regain consciousness.

Inside the Northeast ward, the room's single occupant was beginning to stir. To the casual observer, it seemed as if she were experiencing something distressing. Her left hand; arm branded with a long, black tattoo, clenched and unclenched on the hospital bed's sheets. Her eyebrows were arched, seemingly due to some unseen pain, while she ground her teeth together.

Despite this, her time of awakening still seemed far off, as neither the bright daylight flooding through the ward's window nor the conversation of her two waiting visitors outside.

Both two of the highest-ranking individuals in the Village Hidden in the Leaves, it had been these men who had come to uncover the reason and motives of this foreign shinobi.

Yet the young ninja was coming closer and closer to consciousness. Her fingers had secured a grip on the sheets and had begun to tug anxiously at them. Her teeth were now bared from the strain and a low moan had started from the back of her throat.

This continued for a few tense moments, until, with noting more than a quick twitch, she awoke. Eyes darting open, in a voice dulled by sleep, she let out a quick demand to the room.

'…Leggo of my Eggo…'

***Cyan's Point Of View***

That was one messed up dream. I read too much Dragon Ball Z manga. Especially the manga that's been abridged.

Instead of reading an original piece of DBZ manga, I get Gohan having a hissy fit from not getting any Saiyaman fan mail. Wait a minute, I'm in hospital?

What the…ANBU Black Ops arrested me! I'm doomed! They thought I tried to burn down the Leaf Village! I'm going to be tortured and executed! Crap, I feel half dead. I really must have screwed up my chakra supply.

I look around the room. It could be any old hospital ward they show during the Chuunin Exams. I flip the covers off. All my clothes are still on except for my sneakers, which are by the bed. I push myself into an upright position…Heck, this feels even worse…I'm completely out of energy.

I need to get out of here. There's only one Naruto character that I would meet if I stayed here, and that's Ibiki. And I doubt he'll be forgiving to a first-time tourist.

I lean forward on my hands and knees on the bed to peer at the door. There's a small window but I can't see anyone outside. But that won't last for long. I look around the room again. Both of my bags are nowhere in sight. That could be a good thing. I need to make a break for it. I'm going to be running from trained ninjas, at any rate, baggage is the last thing I need. I just hope no one's rummaging through my stuff.

I begin to edge myself slowly around on the bed. Hopefully I can get the window to open and go out through there…But if it's too high off the ground, I'll be screwed.

Stupid crippling fear of heights.

Who ever met a ninja who was afraid of heights? I've seen more ninja that wear glasses. There's Kabuto…that guy who talks to Anko during the Forest of Death episode…and…yeah, that's about it.

No, need to focus…if I can't use the window, I'll just have to go out the door and pray I don't meet anyone. Head down to the front entrance quickly, get out, and lose myself in a highly populated area of the village.

My toes are an inch away from the floor. I don't want to put too much weight on then in case they can't support my weight just yet.

The bed's mattress gives a little creak. 'Oh, shut up.' I say 'You've probably had thousands of people sitting on your face who weighed more than me.'

'Oh, I don't think I've met anyone yet who has tried that…'

Oh, god, that wasn't the bed. Neither was the creak. I turn my head to the door. While I was trying to get down, the door had opened…and Ibiki Momori had stepped into the room…

…Son of a batch of cookies…

'Why in such a hurry to go? I think you might have the answers to some of our questions.'

Wait, _our?_

In accompaniment to Ibiki, a second, older man entered the room. I'd recognise that uniform anywhere. The long red and white robe, with the big, triangular hat, the kanji for fire printed on its front in red. The Sandaime Hokage, Sarutobi.

Despite being an Orochi fan, I did sympathise with the Third Hokage on a number of points. Knowing most of the spoilers in (or at least, knowing a few theories about) Naruto Shippuden, I couldn't bring myself to side with Konoha and its current Kage (who ever that was at the time) completely, but that didn't mean I hated the Leaf Village.

Both of my feet at this point were touching the floor and, in the light of the Hokage's appearance, I was not going to be seen in such an undignified position. I put my weight on both legs. There's the cold feeling of a tiled floor…and then slick screech. Half a second later, I'm lying on the ground.

Shiny hospital floor + Socks + Dizziness – Balance = Me kissing the floor.

There comes a sigh from somewhere above me.

'I was under the impression that she was considered a threat to the village.'

I blush and wish I wasn't me.

***9 minutes later***

It took me ten minutes just to get back in bed, with no help from these guys. I'm now up in a sitting position and both ninjas are now on either side of the bed, facing me. I need to get my head together. I need a story, a background, anything. I look up at the two men. I quickly look back down. Remember when I said I couldn't talk to people. I wasn't joking. The character I associate myself with the most in Naruto was Hinata.

The Honourable Hokage begins the conversion.

'Which village do you come from?'

'_Sunagakure_, sir.'

'You realise you were found outside the Leaf Village performing an A-Rank(?) jutsu?'

'Yes, sir.'

'What were your reasons for using that jutsu?'

'I was practising, sir.'

Ibiki readily jumps into the conversation.

'And you believe that is an appropriate excuse for nearly burning down the forest surrounding Konoha?'

I look up hastily.

'No! I swear! That was a really big mistake on my part -'

Ibiki lets out an amused sound.

'Oh, yes. That was quite a mistake.'

I'm going to need to be honest about this if I'm ever going to get anywhere. Well, as honest as I can be given the circumstances.

'Ok, look. I came to Konoha to participate in the Chuunin Exams. However, as soon as I actually got here, I realised that I had forgotten my ID papers. I knew I wouldn't be let in unless I had them and I couldn't afford to go back to the Sand Village and retrieve them.'

I take in a breath and look directly at Sarutobi.

'In all honesty, I was wandering outside the parameter of the outer wall to try and find another way in. Obviously, that was impossible. Eventually I gave up, took a break and with nothing else better to do, I started practising jutsu. I put a little too much into it and ended up collapsing from exhaustion.'

I can't read the Hokage's expression. I stare back down at the bed sheets.

Then he speaks.

'You know, if that was the case, your other team mates could have just identified you.'

Team mates? I didn't have any. Great…another fatal flaw in my badly thought-out plan.

'As a matter of fact, the other Sand Genin arrived in the Leaf Village a few hours earlier than you.'

Pardon?

'_Nani_?…'

…Gaara and the Sand Siblings are here already? They only appear just before the Chuunin Exams take place…I've missed about the first 20 episodes. How _**long**_was I asleep?!

'How _**long **_was I asleep?!' I ask.

'Only for half an hour. Usually, a Genin level ninja would just be extremely exhausted after performing a jutsu to that magnitude. Apparently, your body's natural condition made the effects worse.' Says Ibiki.

Natural condition?…Oh, yeah. Stupid anaemia.

'Now, there are a few things that need to be sorted out.' says Sarutobi.

I look back at him. He's got a serious look on his face.

'I do not believe that you meant any harm to the Leaf Village by your actions.'

Yes! Abbreviated truth does work!

'However, because you arrived without identification papers and were not present with your team members and Jounin sensei, I'm afraid we cannot allow you to take part in the Chuunin Exams.'

WHAT?!? No!! You can't! I need to be there! I need to prevent Sasuke from getting the Curse Mark! And what about Naruto?! Don't you get what'll happen if no one intervenes with Orochimaru's plan?!?

'Sir, please! I've come all this way. Please _Sarutobi-sama!_ I'll do anythin-'

'How did you know the Hokage's name?!'

Uh, oh. My bad. Wasn't supposed to know that. The Hokage looks surprised. Ibiki looks flat out suspicious.

One last try.

'Yes, Lord Hokage. I do know that your name is Sarutobi. You taught the Legendary Sannin. And believe me, I have nothing but the best of reasons for wanting to be in the Chuunin Exams. Please, I'll do anything to get in. Even if it means sneaking in and results in me being tortured by the ANBU. (Ok, let's not go nuts.) The point is, it's important that I'm at least there. I don't care if I become a Chuunin or not. I'll do anything. (…short of talking to a large group of people all at once.) Seriously, I mean it.'

The room is silent. The Hokage has that strange, unreadable look on his face. I want to look away, but it's too important not to give him eye contact. Ibiki is trading eye contact with him and me.

Sarutobi closes his eyes.

'…You remind me of a certain Leaf Genin, who declared he would take my place as Hokage one day.'

He's comparing me to Naruto? With the I.Q. and the guts that kid has, it's either an insult or a complement.

He opens his eyes again. This time he stares directly at me.

'You seem to have arrived here under the most mysterious circumstances. You are also unlike the other Sand Genin who have come here…But, yes. I do believe that you wish to participate in the Chuunin Exams for a pure purpose. And I do believe that if I still forbade you to attend, I would find you in my office surrounded by ANBU more than once.'

Yeah, you better believe it.

'Lord Hokage, you're not suggesting that she enters the Exams?'

'…I think that in this instance it can be allowed.'

Oh, yeah! Go me! Everybody do the Happy Dance! Oh, yeah!…Oh, dear, Ibiki looks ticked off.

'Unfortunately, you cannot be placed with your team mates.'

You mean I don't have to go with Gaara? Considering he would kill me without a second thought, that isn't a bad deal.

The Sandaime continues. 'It means that you will have to complete the Exam without help from any other Genin.'

'No problem, I like working by myself.'

Ibiki's expression changes to a sadistic smirk.

'He, he…I don't think you'll be saying that for very long. Entire teams have been wiped out in previous Exams. And unlike you, some have been Genin for a long time.'

Jerk…At least I know _**exactly**_ what'll be going down at this Chuunin Exam.

Sarutobi begins again. 'Also, before you attend the Chuunin Exams, you will have to be assigned to a Genin team for observation.'

Wait, what?

'Until we can acquire your ID, you will have to be watched by a Genin team and Jounin instructor. Just as a precaution.'

Sweet, I can meet Team 7 ahead of time. It always turns out that way in fan fictions.

'Wait, am I going to be stuck in this hospital for the whole time?'

The Hokage smiles knowingly. 'No, special apartments are always reserved for Genin participants from other villages.'

Then _Momori-san _speaks up. 'You should also look into getting proper clothes and _zori_ sandals. You won't survive long in what you're wearing.

Oooo…didn't know _**you**_ were an expert on fashion Mr. Ibiki. (How's that for sarcasm)

'You might also want to get some weapons. You'll be needing them. A lot.'

Bite me.

'Are you saying I can't handle myself with my jutsus?'

The smirk comes back to his face. 'All I'm saying is you're opponents are harder to defeat than trees.'

You utter creep…

Sarutobi obviously can sense the mood in here is deteriorating. He shuts Ibiki off. Then he turns to me again.

'I've been told your chakra supply will be fully replenished in an hour or so. By that time, the team assigned to you will be waiting to pick you up.'

'Do I get my stuff back in the mean time?'

Ibiki takes this one.

'The ANBU are still holding your supplies. Once _I've_ overseen their examination, they'll be returned to you.'

Great…Never see those again.

'The team that comes to pick you up will be informed of your residence in the village and will be responsible for your safety.'

'And for watching my every move.'

Again with Ibiki's _**happy**_ face. 'That's the idea.'

The Hokage looks like he wants to wrap this up. He addresses me again.

'If you would be so kind to give us your name…as you seem to know mine.'

'Sylvaner Cyan.'

The ninja's faces register a small amount of confusion.

'_Shirubana Saiyan_?'

Guess it makes sense. There must be some small remainder of Japanese influence in a Japanese anime.

'Yes.'

There's a moment of silence.

'…Anything else?' said Ibiki mockingly.

'_**sigh**_…Age: 17 Height: 175cm Blood type: A+ Weight: None of your sodding busine-'

'That should be more than enough.' The Sandaime cuts in. He moves towards the door, Ibiki following.

The Hokage turns around in the doorway. 'If you need to see me about anything, just ask your assigned team. They'll show you the way to my office.'

He pauses for a minute. For a second I see that look on his face, then he smiles knowingly and disappears through the door.

Ibiki too, halts in his tracks. The smirk is secured on his face. 'You'll be seeing me whether you want to or not. I'm the proctor for the first part of the Exam. I think you'll enjoy the experience.' He moves through the door and is gone.

I don't like you, Ibiki.

***1 hour and 4 minutes later* **

I'm just happy to be out of bed, with my shoes on. One of the nurses came a few minutes ago saying my assigned team was here and I could be discharged from the hospital. I was going mad with boredom, stuck here for an hour. After the encounter with the Third Hokage, all I could think about was the battle he and Orochimaru would have. I didn't really want the Hokage to die in that battle but I hated the idea of Orochimaru losing his arms. I just don't know what to do about it.

I check myself to make sure I haven't forgotten anything. Shoes, necklace, watch pants, shirt, socks…all present and accounted for.

Now I can stand upright again! It's a miracle! I head towards the door. From what I was of this place on the show, it isn't really that big of a place. All I have to do is just head downstairs and Team 7 should be waiting for me in the foyer.

I'm out the door and into the corridor. As I walk, I think of a few things I need to do.

Train. I've got no moves for the upcoming Chuunin Exams. I need weapons, I need ninja clothes, and I need jutsu. Hopefully, Team 7 can help with that.

Orochi/Hokage fight. I'm here now. I must do something about it. I just don't know what.

Get to know everyone I can. I can't wait to meet Team 7 in person. I'm going to hug everyone. Kakashi, Naruto, Sasuke and even Sakura. Just because without Sakura, no one who watched the show would have anyone to poke fun of. Expect maybe Neji, Kabuto or Tobi.

I'm off the stairs and on the home stretch. I'm so excited, I'm tingling all over.

There are no nurses in sight. I break out into a run.

This is going to be the best day ever. (_**It's the best day everrrrr**_…come on, sing it with me!) I'm going to get the chance to train with the characters who _**made**_ this anime. This can't get any better, even if I was offered my own set of katana.

I skid around the corner into the foyer.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…I think I'll need those katana swords now.

Standing there in a group is _**not**_ Team 7.

One Genin is wearing a crème coloured tunic of some kind and dark grey pants, sporting a bandaged right arm. His hair is long and brown, with a slight tie back near the end of his locks, along with tied stands of hair running down both sides of his face.

The Girl Genin is wearing clothes mostly in the colours pink and black. Her brown hair is up in two cute looking little buns on her head.

There's no mistaking the final Genin. He wearing what appears to be a green spandex suit with orange leg warmers. If that wasn't over the top, his hairstyle is a shiny black bowl-cut, which seems to fit perfectly with his oversized eyebrows.

The Jounin is a dead ringer for the young green-clad Genin, apart from his age and a typical Jounin vest, which is a shade darker than his spandex.

The Hokage of the Leaf Village…has assigned me to be watched, maintained and looked after by…Team Gai.

WHO…

WROTE…

THIS…

FAN FIC!!!

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Guess what?…It was me! Yes, I'm back! I've wanted to write this for so long. The Christmas holidays kept me busy, as well as everything else. But now, I can finally get down to business with this story. Longest chapter I've written so far. Will someone please review? I need constant support or I'll die! **

**(1) Not sure what rank the Dragon Flame jutsu is. Would be quite glad if someone found out for me. **


	6. Oh, no Not another one

_**Important News Flash about this fan fiction**_

**I am about to start my 12****th**** year at school, and as a result I shall be unable to continue with my current lifestyle (or just life in general). I **_**will **_**be continuing with this story, but there will be some time between updates. Seriously, I may disappear for months, but I'll get this done eventually. Just be patient. I'm trying to get to University and I've got to study. **

**V.A.E. **


	7. Genins Over 14 Die Quicker

_**I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Nor do I own Jackie Chan Adventures or any of its affiliates…Man, I own so little…**_

_**In Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View:**_

'If I'm talking, it looks like this.' If not, I'm just thinking it.

_Italics mean words spoken in Japanese_

_It also is used as on word emphasis. _

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***3****rd**** Person Point Of View***

It was the afternoon and Konoha was buzzing. Well, not buzzing, how about a gently humming. The point is, everyone was up and well into doing what he or she needed to do. Most of the citizens were taking care of their daily duties. Everything from buying groceries to washing clothes and the like. Ninjas, on the other hand, had a few more interesting tasks.

When thinking of what tasks a ninja has to complete before he or she retires to rest can inspire some rather dramatic thoughts of silent killings on enemy ninja, racing across last lands to protect a powerful daimyo from assassination, and just general scenarios were a ninja beats the chakra-infused shot out of someone.

Unfortunately, Genin teams 7 through 9 were stuck with chores more suited to a civilian's lifestyle. Team 8 were on babysitting duty, Team 9 were on trash clean-up in one of the training grounds, and as for Team 7…Well, let's just say Naruto has once again proven himself to be everything a ninja should not be when attempting to paint a house. (But on the bright side Sakura's hair wasn't pink anymore!) Team 10, the aptly named "Team Gai" however, were more fortunate.

A Sand Genin was admitted into Konoha's hospital earlier on that afternoon. After being examined by both the Hokage and the Head of the Inferno (ANBU Blackops) Squad, the story of her arrival had been made clear. She, for the Genin was a girl, had apparently arrived at The Leaf Village along with a group of three other Sand Genins coming to participate in the Chuunin Exams. Upon arriving in Konoha, however, she realised that she had forgotten her ID papers that were necessary for her to enter the Leaf Village.

Taken in by misery, she wandered the outside parameter of the Leaf Village, unable to enter but unable to return to Sunagakure. She them decided to practise a strong fire jutsu on the surrounding forest, which resulted in a huge streak of fire cutting through the centre of the forest. After that, the ANBU picked her up and took her to the hospital, as he had apparently faighted due to dramatic chakra lost and some unknown cause.

Yet despite all this, the Hokage had granted permission for her to participate in the Chuunin Exams, however that she do so as a single participant. In addition, since her trustworthiness was still somewhat in question, she would go under the guidance of a Genin team to make sure she didn't have a darker, ulterior motive.

Team Gai was selected to watch her, not just for the their willingness (Gai and Lee have enough willingness to shed to bark off a tree), but the team members had graduated a year before the other Genins and were therefore more "qualified" to look after her.

After a short introduction which involved flashing teeth, dramatic poses and a general adjustment to someone's sanity, the group departed from the hospital with their new "honorary team mate" in tow. They now had the task of collecting various supplies for their new member.

The Sand Genin herself was unavailable for comment for the first part of the trip. The Jounin sensei's only conclusion was that she was completely awestruck by his magnificently "youthful" team. Had she spoken, the Sand Genin would have agreed with him entirely.

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - an hour and a quarter later**

I have to say I over-reacted badly. I was honestly convinced that Team 7 would pick me up. But now that I think about it, it only makes sense that the Hokage would send Team Gai, as they did graduate before all the other groups. And really, the time with them hasn't been too bad. In fact, not at all.

Gai seems a little over bearing but he's quite nice. Lee's the same, only slightly sweeter. Tenten was, at first, an oddity since she's a bit of a lacking character but she's quite an improvement on the personality less figure that most viewers of Naruto know her to be. I guess, if she didn't have any personality, it would be quite obvious to the others. Neji and I, of course, will get on like a house on fire. As in choking smoke, burning woodwork, and various people meeting their end consumed by raging flames. I can already tell that we are going to be very happy to see the back of one another.

It's been at least an hour since I left the hospital with the team. As I recall during that time I didn't talk, mostly because I couldn't fully trust myself not to say something…incriminating. Lee was quite nice, though, and did try his hardest to encourage me into talking and so did Tenten.

Neji, of course, just moved along behind them contributing nothing to anything. Strangely, every time I did look back at him his eyes were closed. Walking down the crowded street to the shops, it seemed he had perfected the ability. Lucky sod.

By the time we had reached the clothing shops I felt a little bit more confident in talking to them. Once we reached the shops, Gai, who insisted I called him Gai _sensei_, told me that if I couldn't find any suitable to wear, he would give me my own set of green spandex to use.

While Gai, Lee and Neji moved off down the street, Tenten took me in to have a look around. Fortunately, she promised me that I would be able to find something nice. I assured her that finding anything but green spandex would be nice.

I was surprised to find that ninja clothing wasn't sold in a specialist shop. Every store seemed to have a mix of ordinary and combat clothes. Which I guess, with such a wide spread ninja population, made more sense than anything else.

It didn't take me long to find exactly what I wanted. I must admit, I got quite excited by the amount of choice I had. First I immediately selected three pairs of standard black ninja _zori _with the closed heels, as well as some elbow-length black fingerless gloves with metal plates on the topside.

After dashing from a few more stores, I finally came out with some dark red, _gi_-like pants, similar to Kakashi's (complete with the customary, superfluous ninja leg bandages). And four shirts, two high collared like Sasuke's, two more shirts in the style of Shikamaru's, minus the Uchiha and Nara clan symbols. Rather than going crazy and getting something really extravagant, Tenten assured me that having just the standard kind of ninja clothing would be easier to maintain and clean.

The short sleeves on the shirts also allowed me to show off the tattoo on my arm. It drew a little bit of attention from Team Gai, excluding Neji since I don't think he cares. I even asked Tenten what she thought the wisp-like markings looked like. She seemed to think they looked like leaves, like I did. I didn't ask her anything more about it though. It might seem odd that I don't know anything about a tattoo that I _must_ have gotten at some point.

I really thought I wouldn't be able to talk much with them, due to me being quite older (and yet extremely weaker) than them. But they all seemed really at ease with me. Gai didn't seem to mind about my age. He even said that he had known ninjas as old he was who were still Genins.

That wasn't too far fetched, I supposed. In the Chuunin Exam episodes, there were some really aged participants. But it seemed to me, the older you got, the less chance you had of succeeding in the Exams. Most of the older characters disappeared after the first part of the Exam. (1)

After meeting up again with the rest of Team Gai, I found out that Gai had managed to secure a standard weapons holster for me, including a basic set of weapons. These included about six shurikens, six Kunai knives and a twelve set of senbon needles.

Although I nearly choked on my own tongue when Gai said he expected that I knew how to use all of the weapons efficiently, being a Sand Genin. But that wasn't the worst news to come…

'I can't wait for you to show us your skills tomorrow on the training field!'

He must have noticed the shocked look on my face, because he replied quickly…

'Oh, don't worry about finding it. We'll come and pick you up form your apartment tomorrow morning. We always use the same training field.'

Master of perception, is Maito Gai.

'Yes, Sensei! It will be an honour to see how I fare against a Sand-nin opponent!'

And, of course, Rock Lee takes after him.

'That's the spirit, Lee!'

'Gai sensei!'

'Lee!'

'Gai sensei!'

'_Lee!'_

'_Gai sensei!'_

…And up came the surf.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - a little while later**

It was getting into the early evening and my nerves were slightly frade with the looming prospect that I would have to acquire some ninja skills over-night in order to prove I was a ninja to Team Gai. All the rest of the while we walked, I could only think about tomorrow. What if I failed? Would Gai believe me to be a ninja then? What if he told the Hokage that it proved my story was false?

I needed to learn some jutsu, fast! Hell, needed to learn how to throw senbon! Neji must have noticed the change in my body temperature, or something, because he commented on my uneasy state. I decided to let them in on a few home truths…

'I'm actually quite nervous about the Chuunin Exams. This is the first one I've ever attended.'

Gai seemed keen to put me at my ease.

'Don't worry about a thing, _Saiyan-chan_! I'm sure you and your team will see it through with youthful endeavour! Just as my team will!'

I guess the Third didn't tell him…

'Actually, since I lost my ID papers, the Hokage says that I can only enter the Exams as a single participant.'

Gai stopped so quickly I swear someone hit his Pause button. The others were quick to notice his serious turn of mood.

He turned fully towards me.

'You mean you're not allowed to be included with your team?'

I became really uncomfortable with the amount of attention he was giving me

'Uh, yes? But I'm not worried. I don't usually work well in a group anyway.'

His mood darkened further.

'_Saiyan-san_, I don't think you quite understand the seriousness of your situation. Whole teams have died from competing in the Exams. The Chuunin Exams is a measure of your ability to work in a team.'

The rest of Team Gai looked at the both of us with a newfound interest.

'I know. The Hokage told me the same thing. I wouldn't go through with this if I wasn't sure-'

'But I don't think you are! This is a very serious matter. It is practically impossible for a single Genin to survive, let alone complete the Chuunin Exams without their team!' Gai said sternly. 'Frankly, I'm wondering why the Hokage allowed you to participate at all.'

Tenten decided to interject.

'Is that really true, Gai sensei?'

Gai turned to her.

'Yes, Tenten-san, it is true. These Exams are very serious and many don't end up completing it. Some even lose their lives.'

Gai left that statement to hang in the air. He turned to me again.

'I don't know why the Hokage allowed you to compete, but I trust his judgment. But you _must_ take great care. I can only hope you understand that.'

It's not about the Exams, I want to say. I'm after something more than just a promotion in rank…

'Gai _sensei_, I know that you speak of a much higher experience than me and I understand the full severity of my current situation. But I understand fully what is needed of me to complete these Exams. You only have to look at my other team mates to see that, even when separated from my group, I have the necessary skills to stay alive.'

Thank God…Err, Kami for my ability to lie to an 12th grade level.

'I'm telling you what I told the Hokage. I came along way to compete against other ninjas for the chance to become a Chuunin. I know that I will only experience the most difficult tasks from here on and that throughout the entire Exam I will be employing every ability and tactic I have to survive. And anyway, I'm a ninja, and whether I like it or not, my life will always be in danger and my death will always be right around the corner.'

Gai looks at me harder than I've ever seen him look at someone. He then surprises me by giving me a wirery smile.

'Looks like they breed Sand ninja for toughness.'

Why does it sound like he stole that line from Kakashi?

A bigger, more familiar smile adorns his face.

'Now that is the youthfulness of a true ninja! Even though you'll no longer be with my team in the Exams, I'll be rooting for you as well as my students!'

Surprisingly, I smile back up at him. I don't quite know why, but that _really_ does make me feel better.

Lee even comes up to me, his eyes shinning with…for lack of a better word, _youthful_ passion.

'_Yosh_! Me too! Even though we will be fighting against each other, I will acknowledge your determination to succeed and your skills as a fellow ninja!

I just don't why he hasn't got any more fangirls.

'Hmph…it does not matter. If it is your destiny to fail, then there is noting you can do about it.'

I also don't know why Neji has so _many_ fangirls…

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - later again**

It sky is just starting to go red with the approaching dusk and Team Gai and I have just arrived at my apartment. I've now all the stuff I need for the next few weeks. My new ninja clothes, new weapons, a key to the apartment and even a modest amount of yen, which should hold me through till the rest of the month, provided I don't eat out much.

Handing my supplies to me, Gai unlocks the door and shows us inside. It _is_ modest and has only the basics like Naruto's flat, but seeing as it's only designed for part-time residence, it doesn't surprise me.

As I place the bags onto the table, Gai hands me the key.

'We'll be here first thing to pick you up. So wake up bright and early! We'll show you how Leaf ninja train!'

I guess sleeping is out of the question, then.

'Great! I've see you all tomorrow.'

Gai flashes a thumbs up. He motions the others towards the exit.

'Come on, Lee! How about 500 hundred laps around Konoha to complete the day?!'

Lee's eyes positively glitter.

'_Hai_, Gai sensei! It would be an honour!'

After bounding out of the door together, Tenten says her goodbyes and she and Neji leave too.

A moment passes.

I'm finally all alone.

Great.

Now I can freak out properly.

'OH KAMI, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - How many "laters" has that been?**

It's now dark outside my bedroom window and the stars are out. I would like to be enjoying the view and marvelling at my own ungodly fortune right now.

But I'm not.

I've been going repeatedly over all my knowledge of the Naruto series to help me in my trials tomorrow. I already have one jutsu under my belt, but I need more.

Much more.

If Sasuke couldn't lay a hit on Lee before the Chuunin Exams, I've got no hope.

I'm sitting cross-legged on the floor, which seems to help me think better. But, unfortunately, it's not working for me tonight.

I know a lot of jutsu, but I need to be able to practice them.

I also need, and I mean really need, to practice throwing weapons.

Actually, why do I need to? It never works on the show.

Maybe I could just say that I'm only familiar with using the weapons hand-to-hand, rather than throwing them.

That could work.

I suppose…

But that still doesn't solve my other problem.

I know I can use Sasuke's Dragon Flame jutsu…I can't use the Chidori. I'd need the Sharingan to do that… I don't know enough about the Resangan… Hell, I can't even walk on water yet.

I look down at my hands. I can't even perform all of the hand signs to perfection.

And worst of all, I lost the sheet with the hand signs on it. It must have been destroyed by the fire jutsu.

A nervous chill is itching across my skin.

I take in a deep breath. I need to calm down.

Now, if I have trouble with the basics, then that's where I have to start.

I flex my fingers and move them into the Tiger position.

There's a feeling of…something welling up in my stomach.

Must be my chakra.

I wonder who came up with the original hand signs.

Oh well, I only makes sense that they copy the Eastern Zodiac.

How did that go again? It follows a set order from that old Chinese legend…

'Oh yes. The Rat comes first.'

I move my fingers into the Rat position.

'Then the Bull.'

I make the hand sign.

'After that came the Tiger and the Rabbit…'

I go through the rest in the order of the Zodiac. Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog and Pig.

Not bad. I can feel something almost tangible inside me. Something running through my insides. Better give the hand signs another go.

I complete another Zodiac set.

Once more from the top.

'Rat, Bull, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake…'

Oh, great. I forgot what comes after the Snake.

My hands are frozen in the Snake position.

The swirling energy mass inside me seems to have spread through the rest of my body. Right down to my fingers and toes.

I also suddenly feel quite hot in my clothes.

I need a break.

I get up off the floor.

I doubt there's any food in the fridge. I wish I had my backpack back. At least I had a chocolate bar in there.

Hell, I wish I had my Walkman back. Bloody Ibiki's probably dismantled it by now.

I moan loudly. I need something to take my mind off of…everything.

I move over to the rest of my bags and take out my new ninja clothes.

Seeing how I look in these might be fun.

I just need to find a mirror.

I look around the room. Nothing in the kitchen. Let's try the bedroom.

In the bedroom there's a small dresser and a European style bed. But there's no sign of a mirror on the dresser. There is a small cupboard by the far wall. Maybe that has a full length mirror on the inside door.

Throwing the clothes on the bed, I open up the cupboard.

…And with a mighty scream, I throw myself backwards right off the ground.

I fall on my back, my head just missing hitting the dresser. I stare back up at the cupboard mirror.

I'm not there.

I can't see myself in the mirror.

It's not that I'm not visible from his angle. It's that I'm not visible _period._

The same as a moment ago.

I move up into a sitting position on the floor.

Yep, still invisible.

I stand up and move closer to the mirror.

Same result.

What the-?

I'm just not there. It's not like it's just my body, my clothes are invisible too.

And I've still got that tingeing feeling running through me.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…Wait a sec…

…

I'VE DONE A JUTSU!

I'VE _CREATED_ MY OWN JUTSU!!

MY OWN _INVISIBLITY_ JUTSU!!!

I jump, yell and run around the room like a madman.

This is the greatest thing ever!

I bet nobody else in the whole of _Naruto_ knows a jutsu like this.

I'm going to _cream_ Team Gai tomorrow.

I stop jumping around and throw myself back-down onto the bed.

I've got to remember the hand signs I did.

That's all the hand signs twice, following the order of the Zodiac, then stop with the Snake hand sign.

That's my _patented_ invisibility jutsu.

Two Zodiac sets, then the Snake.

Hey, that's catchy.

Creating your own jutsu has to be the absolute pinnacle of a ninja's ability.

I guess that means I've earned a early night.

I move my new clothes off the bed and onto a nearby chair.

I kick off my shoes into a corner and quickly check through the apartment to make sure I turned off all the lights.

I can't wait for tomorrow to come.

I can't wait to see the looks on their faces.

With my old, normal clothes still on, I slide myself under the covers.

I'm going to the Chuunin Exams, I'm going to meet Orochimaru.

And I've got my own jutsu.

Maybe I can trade it in exchange for other jutsus, like Naruto's Shadow Clone.

Heh… I'm never going to get to sleep tonight…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…Hey, wait a minute…

I never found out how to urn the jutsu off…

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Shame to all of you who thought I was dead. I said I wouldn't quit on this fan fiction, and I meant it! And since you waited so long, I've given you a 3,000 words chapter! It's getting good, isn't it? I'd better get some good reviews for this. This chapter took 4 days.

**One other thing, Please write in if I've made any of the charters OC. I don't like that in a story unless it's intentional. It just that I don't know much about Team Gai. I tried my best, but if I did get something wrong, tell me. **

**(1) Has anyone else noticed this? Seriously, watch the episode when all the Genins are in the room, then the one where they're outside the Forest of Death. All the older Genins are gone! And how come you only see Orochimaru's team **_**after**_** the written exam? A Genin team just suddenly appear out of thin air? I don't think so… I sometimes think he **_**wanted**_** to get caught on purpose. **


	8. Your Guide to Anime Battles: Vol 1

_**I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Nor do I own Jackie Chan Adventures or any of its affiliates…If you don't know what I mean by Jackie Chan Adventures then you either haven't seen the series, or you aren't paying close enough attention!**_

_**In Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View:**_

'If I'm talking, it looks like this.' If not, I'm just thinking it.

_Italics mean words spoken in Japanese_

_It also is used as on word emphasis. _

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***3****rd**** Person Point Of View***

The sun was just starting to peak over the top of the Hokage monument. It was only the early, early hours of the morning in the Village of the Leaves but already some activity was taking place throughout the streets.

Various stores and street vendors were setting things up for the day market, the smell of breakfast cooking wafted from apartments and houses, and even Ichiraku's Ramen Noodle Shop already had a full order of ramen to cook…

…as Naruto would be up in an hour.

Meanwhile, the Mary-Sue-in –training was still in her bed, sleeping off the long and complicated day before. The daunting prospect of facing Team Gai in combat is not compatible with a good night's sleep. During the evening before, she had naturally assumed that as she knew almost no jutsu and had absolutely no ninja abilities, she was rightly and totally screwed.

However, a revelation had occurred last night.

While trying to assemble her inner knowledge of Naruto into something that could help her avoid her oncoming doom, she had inadvertently used a combination of handsigns that had yielded the effect of turning herself completely invisible.

In short, she made her own jutsu.

After having discovered the remarkable effects of the jutsu, she had retired to bed in order that she was at her best when facing Team Gai.

Unfortunately, her discovery of a new, never before seen jutsu that would surely defeat Team Gai outright had such an effect on her that she could not actually get to sleep through the whole night.

It was only in the darkness just before sunrise that sleep had taken its hold on her.

Which considering Maito Gai's love of vigorous, gruelling exercise was just the perfect time to start training for the day.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Way too early in the morning**

…zzzzZZZZZZzzzzz…

…zzzzZZZZZZzzzzz…

_^Knock-knock^_ 'Saiyan-san! Are you awake?!'

…ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz…

…zzzzZZZZZZzzzzz…

…zzzzZZZZZZzzzzz…

_**^Knock-knock^**_** 'Saiyan-san! Wake up! It is time to train!'**

hhmmm…zzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz…

…zzzzZZZZZZzzzzz…

…zzzzZZZZZZzzzzz…

'**Saiyan-san!!!'**

…zzzzZZZZZZzzzzz…

'SAAAAAAAIYYYYYAAAAAN-SSSSSAAAAANNNN!!!'

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

WHAT THE HELL!!??!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?

'WHAT THE HELL!!??!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?'

'Saiyan-san! It is time to go train with us!'

Lee?…

It's the morning already?

What the heck…

I look out the window. I see red and yellow.

It's early enough to night-time.

I turn my aching head to the bedside table with my watch on it.

5:03

_5:03?! _

Last time I was awake at 5 in the morning was when I had my appendix removed.

… Wait…this isn't my room.

…

Oh? Oh…Yeah…Yesterday…_he he_…

Wait…**Lee?!**

**Training?!**__

**NOW?!?**

I've got to get ready!!!

I jump out of bed, stagger, regain my balance, take off the clothes in slept in, run to the bathroom, turn on the shower, stick my head under for a second, grab a towel, run back to the bed room, dry my hair, try to find my ninja clothes, find my ninja clothes, put on my ninja clothes, run down to the kitchen, remember, run back to the bed room, put on my watch, brush hair with hands, tie it up in a ponytail, grab weapons, run down to the kitchen, pass the kitchen (no food), run to the front door, remember again, find _zori_ shoes magically by door, put on _zori_ shoes, open door and…

'Good morning, _Saiyan-san_!'

…find Lee standing there with a neck strangling smile on his face.

…

…

…

'This is _morning_ to you people?…'

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - After a 5 minute walk with Rock Lee**

I'm a fricken' nervous wreck.

I haven't slept, I'm struggling to remember how to perform my invisibility jutsu and it is only 5: 08 in the sodding morning.

…and Lee won't stop smiling.

…

Aw…It doesn't matter. I'm at least one tenth less screwed now than I would be if I hadn't discovered my jutsu.

Time for some _attempted_ social interaction.

'So Lee, I hear you're a Taijutsu specialist?…'

Lee's smile grew.

'Hai! I intend to be the greatest ninja in Konoha using only Taijutsu!'

'That's a good dream, I'm sure you'll make it happen.'

He will if I have anything to say about it.

He turns towards me.

'What is your dream, _Saiyan-san_?'

My dream?

'My dream?'

Do I have a dream? Well, seeing Orochimaru probably counts as a dream. But that will just happen anyway…now that I'm here, I guess I'd like to learn as many jutsu as I possibly can, and meet all of the characters in Naruto (within the confines of those people who aren't dead or won't kill me on sight).

'Well, I guess Lee-'

'Good morning, _Saiyan-san_!'

Lee and I look up.

We're here.

And we're not alone.

Maito Gai, Tenten and Neji are waiting in a familiar clearing with a familiar punching log.

'And a youthful good morning to you too, Lee!'

'Good morning, Gai-_sensei_!' Lee replies.

'…Hey, everybody.'

Curse my nervousness.

Tenten seems her usual chripy self. Neji's emersed in his own ego cloud.

And Gai is still Gai.

Gai coughs and closes his eyes.

'All right. Today we're going to do something different.'

He opens his eyes and turns to the rest of us.

'Usually we start training but today, as _Saiyan-san_ is joining us, we're going to start off with some sparing.'

OK, fine, absolutely…not.

'So we're going to start off with Neji and Saiyan!'

…kill me now

No, no, no! This is the _worst_ possible match-up! Neji's the toughest of Team Gai, Naruto could be barley hit him during the first half of the Chuunin Exams, and on top of that…

HE'S GOT THE BYAKYUGAN!!!

An invisibility jutsu is no use against an opponent who can see through trees.

I turn around to gauge the other's reactions.

Lee looks somewhat surprised; Tenten seems a bit shocked and Neji…

…

…THAT JUMPED-UP HYUUGA JERK IS SMRIKING AT ME!

Oh, it's on now! I'm don't take that high and mighty smeg from anyone, least of all from a fictitious angst horder!

I took a self-defence class a year or so ago, and dammit, I know were to hit to make it hurt!

Not to mention, I know all the tricks of anime battles.

Gai, Lee and Tenten all move over to the side. Neji places himself at the further end of the clearing.

I move back a pace.

Neji slowly moves into his signature stance.

I place one foot back to brace my body against any blow he might give me.

I keep my hands loose and ready to hit and make handsigns. I go over the first Zodiac set in my head. Rat, Bull, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake…

'Ready…set…BEGIN!' cries Gai.

Neither Neji nor I move.

After a moment, he smirks again.

'Aren't you going to attack me?'

I smile back.

'I won't move till you move.'

(Anime Battle Rule One: The first one to attack gets his/her arse kicked)

He humphs.

Quickly pushing off against the ground, he speeds towards me.

The battle starts!

I tense. He speeds closer. Kick or punch, kick or punch…

He's right in front of me!

Low kick!

I move.

He dodges.

I catch him slightly on the knee.

He shifts his weight to regain his balance.

He jabs with an open palm.

I jump back. His hand comes within inches of my chest

He sweeps his other hand across to hit me on the shoulder.

I block with my arm. The hit lands.

I felt the power behind that attack. He's not just waving his arms about.

We slide away from each other.

My arm is still tingling form the hit. That's it, bringing out the big guns.

(Anime Battle Rule Two: Two opponents will usually battle, each hit getting tougher and more powerful as time goes on, allowing the characters three of the four quarters of the battle to talk about how weak the other is, their horrific past that somehow leads to them having this fight, how they're going to beat the other one for good/evil, etc. ect.

When, of course, if you use your strongest move first you catch you're opponent off guard and beat him down without any angsty speeches.)

I move my hands into starting position.

Zodiac set, three times, and stop on Snake.

_Rat, Bull, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, Pig._

My chakra suddenly spikes.

Neji's eyes widen.

Second set.

_Rat, Bull, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, Pig._

I'm almost ready.

Neji's look turns serious. He puts his own hands together in front of him.

I've got to finish this!

Rat, Bull, Tiger, Dragon, Snake!

My chakra bursts forth.

It's done!

There's a collective gasp from the sidelines. Neji's eyes have widened even further.

Must mean it's working.

Neji recovers quickly. He begins his own handsigns.

He flashes through them quickly, and with familiarity.

He halts on one, and gives out a cry.

'_Byakyugan_!'

Around his eyes, veins enlarge and spread out across the skin. His white eyes change and seem to shift in focus.

(Anime Battle Rule Three: Calling out the name of your attacks is just begging your opponent to dodge or counteract it.)

Damn it! It's too late to charge him!

I take in a breath and wait for him to attack.

There's a moment of silence. Neji's eyes sweep across area.

His darts his head from side to side in confusion. He growls under his breath, his face contorted in anger and fear.

He still can't see me!

What kind of jutsu have I discovered?!

What kind of jutsu can overrule the Byakyugan?!

Neji stops suddenly. I'll think about it later.

Right now, I need to finish him quickly, before he thinks of another strategy.

I look down at the ground. He can't see me, but he'll see the dirt and dust move when I do. I need to get him to rush me.

I look back up.

Neji still looks shaken, but he has regained his composure. He's standing still, watching for even the slightest movement.

He knows what I know.

But with that I can trick him.

I lift my leg off the ground as quietly and carefully as I can.

Wait for it…

I bring it down hard on the ground as far from me as possible.

_**^Thump^**_

That did it.

Neji, eyes wide open, charges towards the place where the dust cloud arose.

Just as he darts towards me, I turn on my heels and kick him heavily across the chest.

With a Oomph, Neji flies back form the sudden hit.

I mustn't give him time to land.

(Anime Battle Rule Four: Giving your opponent time to recover from your attack lets them recover enough to power-up and proceed to beat the snot out of you.)

I rush towards him.

I grab him by a leg.

Using his own momentum, I lean back on my heels and swing him around in a circle.

Once…

Twice…

And away!

I let him go sailing through the air.

He lands on his back and slides back a few feet.

The fight is mine!

I run over to his struggling form as he strains to pick himself up.

I put my foot hard into his chest to keep him down.

Reaching down behind my back, I locate my new kunai pouch and draw one out.

I bring it down a few inches from his face.

Check and mate, sucker.

'Surrender, Hyuuga.'

He looks up at "me" and at the kunai.

His mouth is fixed in a hard frown.

This is no help for him or his ego.

'The winner is _Saiyan-san_!' cries Gai

I stand up and take my foot off Neji's chest.

Lee and Tenten rush over to Neji and me, while Gai still remains where he was.

He is still smiling, but his eyes are closed in deep thought, his hand on his chin.

Beside me, Tenten helps Neji to his feet, while Lee gazes off to the side.

Lee looks star-struck and amazed.

'Neji has been and is my toughest rival. Despite my hard training, I have never been able to beat him, even in a spar. Your skill and abilities must far surpass my own. I am truly honoured to have seen you in battle.'

He extends his hand out to the air.

I blink.

'Lee? I'm over here.'

Lee jumps slightly, looking abashed.

'Heh, heh…my apologies.'

Neji is back on his feet, his usual, uncaring expression on his face.

Tenten puts in her two cents.

'That was an awesome fight. I've never even seen _that_ jutsu before. '

I smile, bashfully.

'Yeah,…it's my own creation.'

All heads turn towards Gai as moves toward us.

'You know, I've never actually seen Neji lose a spar. And that was a really amazing technique you used. I don't think even Kakashi knows a jutsu like that.' He states.

Oh, now you're just flattering me.

'However, one must wonder how you came up with such a jutsu?'

I laugh sheepishly and put my arm behind my head, anime-style.

'Would you believe it was an accident?'

Gai laughs. 'A lucky accident, then'

He composes himself.

'A brilliant battle is a good way to start the day! Now we can begin training for the Chuunin Exams!'

Time for some painful, arduous fun.

'Saiyan-san, we'll let turn visible again and we'll start with 200 sit-ups and push-ups!'

…

'Eerrrr…you see…I'm sorta new at this…and I…don't…really know just how to turn off the jutsu…'

Everybody around me face plants.

…Thank you for not making me feel awkward.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Too tried to know, Too tired to care**

Gai is crazy.

Lee is crazy.

Tenten and Neji are semi-crazy.

Everybody on this team is crazy.

I like exercising, but this is near torture.

200 sit-ups, 200 push-ups, 300 laps around the village (just so I didn't get _too_ tired on my first day) and a few wacks against the punching log.

_Everything_ hurts.

Lee's been of with Gai, Neji went to train by himself and Tenten is practicing throwing weapons.

And I've been spending quality time with the log.

At this moment, I'm taking my break.

I'll only come off it when the Chuunin Exams start.

I look at my hands.

Raw, bloody knuckles; cuts and scratches everywhere. They hurt like Hell.

But as it turns out, the jutsu turns itself off when my chakra level drops.

I gaze at my watch.

4:36

It's 4 already?!

This is just crazy.

I fall back on my behind and onto the grass.

I look up at the clouds, filled with a tired loneliness.

'Is all this really worth it?'

The Chuunin Exams, Orochimaru, all of it; when I could be back home…

…

No…I want to be here.

But…

What about Orochimaru?

If everything here is just like in the show, then the Orochimaru here is a evil, body-snatching, snake-hearted fiend.

He's vicious.

He's cruel.

And he's completely untrustworthy.

…Boy, I sure can pick 'em.

On thing is certain, though.

I can't go to him, _he_ has to come to me.

I sit bolt upright.

That's it!

That's the ticket!

Orochimaru wants to learn every jutsu in the world, that's why he wants Sasuke's Sharingan.

Well, I've got a jutsu he doesn't know.

And I'll have more soon, you can bet on it.

If I draw Orochimaru's attention away from Sasuke, then he'll chase after me.

And that's not the best bit…

Orochimaru _loves_ to chase after things.

Itachi, Sasuke, anyone strong. He lives for the chase. The predator and prey.

The chase is always better than the kill.

Well, I'll turn him on his head.

I'll play the predator _and_ the prey.

I'll chase after him and when he notices me, I'll run.

And I won't let him catch me.

What we want most, we can't have.

The more he can't get me, the more he'll want me.

And I won't give in until I'm absolutely sure.

I stand up.

In the far distance, I can see something green moving.

The return of the Eyebrow Men.

I stretch my back.

There's a few days before the Chunnin Exams.

…And I've got a lot to do…

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Only one more chapter, and then I'll start the Chuunin Exams! This story's getting longer and longer, but I'll finish it. **

**Scary thought: Michael Jackson died at 50, Orochimaru died at 52.**

**Connection? Some may think so!**

**Seriously, his death was a sad affair, especially considering that all his family are now cashing in on their share of his money and possessions.**

**About Orochimaru, I believe that if he were to fall in love with someone, it would happen very gradually. I don't think he would just fall in love with someone. If you except he's as twisted as the Hokage said, then he wouldn't know how to love.**

**I believe that with him it would start as a obsession, and following Cyan's/Saiyan's plan, would gradually develop into some twisted form of love. **

**Also, he the person would have to be very strong to create such an obsession in him. So my character is going to get some real good techniques before this is over. (My Mary-Sue excuse)**

**Fun Fact: I got the name 'Cyan' from my printer. No, it's not my **_**real**_** name, it just sounded better than called my character 'Magenta'. **


	9. Karate Kid Can Kiss My Kunai!

_**I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Nor do I own Jackie Chan Adventures or any of its affiliates…If you don't know what I mean by Jackie Chan Adventures then you either haven't seen the series, or you aren't paying close enough attention!**_

_**In Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View:**_

'If I'm talking, it looks like this.' If not, I'm just thinking it.

_Italics mean words spoken in Japanese_

_It also is used as on word emphasis. _

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***3****rd**** Person Point Of View***

Saiyan was right about having a lot to do.

She found out from Gai that the Chuunin Exams were to start in four days time. And she needed to have a lot more knowledge under her belt before she knew she could face Orochimaru and whatever other obstacles she could encounter along the way.

So she began to train.

Every day she forced herself awake at the gruelling, sunless hour that she knew was the start Team Gai's training and had even succeeded herself in arriving there on time.

She began to force herself on her training, almost always ending up in a state of near total exhaustion, in everything from Gai's merciless "around the village 500 times" fun runs to whatever Lee or Tenten thought up whenever she went to ask them for advice.

During the spars that occurred with the Gennin team members, her tactic was always hit hard, hit quickly, and to quote Marge Simpson, "knock that monkey down!" launching every punch and kick with an anger she never knew she had into whatever or whoever she was against.

At the end of every day, she was scratched, bruised and sore to the point of immobility. By the morning of the next day she was still reeling from the aching pain brought on by yesterday's training.

But it _was_ helping.

A certain kind of hardness began to set into her arms and legs, an ever-tightening area of pure muscle, the rare type of muscle you can only get from a titanic, backbreaking amount of physical training. Her hits got faster, harder to dodge, more strength behind each attack. True, physically she was still nowhere near anything like Maito Gai's or Rock Lee's incredible prowess, but there was no denying that her endurance level had increased.

But that wasn't the whole equation.

She had realised some really unique and bizarre things about her Invisibility jutsu:

The sequence of hand signs was at least twice as long as any other jutsu she'd ever seen on the show, even the most complex justu only had about 8 hand signs.

It was basically two repeats of all twelve hand signs in quick succession.

The order that the hand signs followed was based on the Chinese legend of the Eastern Zodiac, which the hand signs probably arose from.

On the third repeat of the hand sign sets, stopping on the Snake made her invisible.

These facts got her thinking.

This basic jutsu obviously did not operate on the same principles that normal jutsus worked on. It had a _flexibility_ about it.

The answer had hit her hard just after the third day of training, just as she was cleaning herself up for bed.

It was as if the sequence of hand signs was made for more than one justu…

She had sat bold upright on her bed for 3 minutes without moving.

From there her mind had basically exploded into a fury of thoughts and ideas. She had realised that it didn't matter which hand sign she used on the third set, all that mattered was that she used two zodiac sets before hand. The point of the jutsu was not that it did _one_ thing, but that a multitude of different jutsus could arise from only using these particular hand signs.

She had an impossible wait until the next morning.

When it arrived, her first act had been to request a private training session alone, forgoing Gai's usual morning training plan. As she had suspected, there was a slight pause in Gai's voice when he had allowed her to go off on her own, indicative of the still possible suspicion that she was acting as a spy for the Sand Village. Out of the corner of her eye as she left the training grounds, she saw Neji glaring at her accusingly. She had little doubt that he didn't trust her as far as he could see her with his _Byakyugan_.

She wondered if Gai would send one of them after her. It seemed unlikely, they didn't seem like the tracking type, and Gai wouldn't leave them alone just to watch her.

Anyway, she had more pressing matters to attend to.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* **

I am so freakn' worn out.

My head aches, very muscle in my body is sore and my spine feels like it's in pieces.

The way I feel now, the written part of the Chuunin Exams is gonna kill me.

But I still need to find out about this jutsu of mine.

I haven't got anything else to bring to the Chuunin Exams. Weapons and Taijutsu, if what I do can be called Taijustu, are a last resort in any situation. All I've got is my Ninjutsu.

But going invisible can only done so much. Well, really only one thing, and that's turning me invisible.

I look back behind me. A little further away, I think.

I'm really not sure what they think about me at the moment. I like them and they don't seem suspicious of me. Except for Neji, that is.

But I won't be with them in the Forest of Death.

Wait…Oh, freaking crap. How the hell am I supposed to survive in there?!

I don't know how to hunt, gather food or collect water, and I absolutely detest camping outside in a forest filled with six-foot carnivorous animals with a bunch of murder-happy, creepy-assed Sand and Sound ninja!

I doomed. Oh, well. I had a good run. I think.

I'm too tired right now.

I stop. I'm in a small clearing, smaller than Team Gai's training grounds. It's nicer here. Doesn't look like anyone has come through here.

OK, I've got a hypothesis. Time for the experiment.

If I stop on a different hand sign on the third set, something new should happen.

I give my hands a shake. I stop when they start to hurt again. I think Lee broke my thumb in the last spar.

And I kicked him in the nuts. I let out a snort.

It wasn't really deliberate, sort of a reflex. I thought he'd dodge, anyway.

But he didn't. Tenten nearly died and so did Lee. It's a hard area to build up endurance in, I suppose.

Never mind that, time to get into position. Hands at the ready, starting from Rat.

…

What should I stop on?

…

Something simple.

Bull. It's the easiest and it's just after Rat.

Let's try.

_Rat, Bull, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, Pig._

Chakra level rising.

_Rat, Bull, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, Pig._

Ok, Bull, Bull!

_Rat, Bull!_

Something goes off with a bang inside me. My chakra spikes right up and all my muscles tighten. I feeling like I'm being lifted off my feet.

It feels too weird, completely different to the Snake justu. That feeling was like being enveloped by something. This is like something spreading out inside me. It doesn't feel tingly.

The feeling stabilises. I still feel tried and sore.

I look down. Nothing's happened.

Well, the justu's not visual then.

Genjustu perhaps?

I look up and around. Everything's as normal as it's supposed to be.

How do you tell if you're in a Genjustu?

You can't touch a illusion.

I move towards one of the trees. It's big enough to climb, or walk up.

Oh great, another thing I haven't done. _Kuso_, why must I suck at remembering anything?

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

MY

FREAKING

BUUHDA,

I'M

AN

IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I take a huge right hook to the tree.

CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKK!!!

CCCCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK!!!

_**CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSH!!!**_

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!**_

The tree's roots pulled right out of the ground from the hit! There's a hole in the trunk the size of the freaking RESANGAN! _**AND THE TREE KNOCKED OVER ANOTHER TREE!!!**_

Yes, freaking _**YES!!!**_

I can't believe I was so stupid!

Any person on the whole TV-watching planet knows that the Bull _**always**_ stands for strength!

Smiling like crazy, I put my hands together and bring them down on the fallen trunk.

A second deafening crack rips through the area. Splinters the _size of my arm_ shoot up into the air and rain down everywhere.

The trunk has split right in two.

Yes! This is it! This is what I'm talking about!

I don't feel tired anymore! I can take on anyone in the whole Naruto world!

I'm so absolutely happy! This is just, just…_everything I wanted!_

I turn and flop down onto the remains of the trunk. I'm smiling so hard it hurts my face. My eyes start to water.

I'm actually crying with happiness.

I have invisibility and the strength of Tsunade.

Not only because of the jutsu.

But because I know what else I can do now…

I get up and wipe my face along my arm.

Everything makes sense now. I choke out a weird sob. I feel so much better.

I prepare of another set of hand signs.

_Rat, Bull, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, Pig._

_Rat, Bull, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, Pig._

_Rat, Bull, Tiger, Rabbit!_

An intense, encompassing electrical tingle shoots though every part of my body.

I don't wait for it to finish. I take off.

The world falls behind me. Air and sound brushes pass my face in a burning fury.

Trees fly behind me as soon as I see them coming.

_Rabbit = Super speed._

I don't know how fast I'm really moving. It impossible for me to tell.

Everything hurts and everything feels wonderful! I'm don't ever want to stop!

A huge tree comes up in my path. I suck in a breath.

Within less than a second, I'm running vertical. Passed the braches, all the way to the top.

I pause, legs bent in jumping position on the topmost braches.

I jump.

_**And every good feeling within me dies instantly.**_

I am up about ten feet in the air. I can see the whole of the Leaf Village.

AND

I

_HATE_  
_**  
**__**HIEGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

And I'm about to fall as fast as I ran up.

For about half a second I hang in mid air in abject terror. Then I fall back down.

Out of my freaking mind in fear.

'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, MY F**KING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!

The forest floor rises to meet me.

'FOR F**K SAKES, STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

I bend around and hit the ground in a crouched position.

There's a huge sickening crack and a gigantic boom.

Everything stops.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

I'm dead.

I must be.

But I don't think so.

I throw up.

No, I'm not dead.

I get up as slowly as I can out of my position.

I'm still scared totally ****less.

I get on my knees.

I'm in a huge crater. And my legs must be broken.

I don't know where the hell I am and couldn't f**king care.

'Oh my God…'

…

WHO THE F**KING HELL SAID THAT??????!!!!!!!!

I shoot up from my position. I'm standing on nothing but my dead feet, and pure adrenaline.

I turn around and stare at where the voice came from.

There are two people standing there, looking absolutely terrified.

One is in an orange jumpsuit, with yellow hair.

One is in blue top and white shorts, with black hair.

Both are in Leaf ninja attire.

…

I have just met Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha.

And they look as mentally scarred as I feel.

For a few dozen years we just stare at each other.

Naruto looks as though Enma the Monkey Summoning appeared on horseback and asked him for spare change.

Sasuke looks like his parents sprung up for the dirt and asked him why his hair was in the shape of a duck's backside.

I just stare at them for being here.

'Hello.' I think I said that.

Nothing else follows it.

There is another gut wrenching, stupefied silence.

Then with almost careful deliberation, Naruto sucks in as much air into his lungs as he possibly can.

And lets out and ear tearing scream.

'WHAT THE HELL IS THIS????!!!!! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU, LADY???????!!!!!!!!!!! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

He didn't even add 'Believe It'.

'YOU COULD HAVE KILLED US, BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

There it is.

'COULD HAVE KILLED YOU!!!!!!!! WHAT ABOUT ME?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST FELL TEN FEET OUT OF THE FREAKING SKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M STILL IN FREAKING AMAZMENT THAT I'M ALIVE, NO THANKS TO YOU TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

Naruto's face turns red.

'OH YEAH, WELL I-'

'Who are you?'

Sasuke's voice cuts through Naruto's vamped up tirade. He seems to have snapped out of his stupor and looks really serious.

I cough up jagged breaths and spit on the ground.

'…Not telling you first…'

Sasuke's eyes narrow and he moves into a defensive position.

'You're one of those Sand ninja.'

What…what is he on about?

'YEAH, JUST LIKE THAT WEIRD GAARA KID! BELEVE IT!'

The Sand Siblings. They had that run-in with them! Crap…

'I'm…_*cough* _here for the Chuu-_*cough*_-nin Exams. Not to fight you. Sorry _*cough*_ for the scare.'

They don't look happy.

'I'm on another Sand Genin team, not Gaara's.'

'So you do know him.'

'There isn't a person in _Sunagakure_ who doesn't know who Gaara is.'

They still don't look satisfied. Play it carefully.

'My name's Saiyan. What about you?'

Sasuke speaks up again.

'Aren't you a bit old to be a Gennin?'

'That doesn't answer my question. But no.'

Sasuke moves out of battle stance.

'My name is Uchiha Sasuke.'

'And you?'

Thankfully, Naruto's lowered his volume.

'I'm Uzumaki Naruto, the best ninja in the village!'

I 'm finally feeling OK enough to walk-hobble over, _very_ slowly.

'Why were you all the way out here?' asks Sasuke.

'Training.'

'How did you fall of the sky like that?'

'I jumped off the top of a tree.'

Sasuke looks quietly incredulous. 'I don't believe that for a second.'

'You don't, do you?'

No one is going to call me a liar.

I walk passed them over to another tree.

I turn back to face them.

'If I uproot this thing, will you believe me then?'

Both look at me hard, but nod.

I turn towards the tree.

I give it a gentle push to see if my justu is still in affect.

The tree gives a shake and a creak.

I turn on my heels and give the tree a low, fast kick.

The tree falls full onto the ground with a great, earth-rocking thud, the roots snapping

and cracking as they are pushed up from the earth from the force of the kick.

Once the dirt and dust settles, I turn to face my audience.

Naruto's mouth is hanging wide open in shock. Sasuke's eyes are wide open with the same expression.

'Well?'

Nothing is said.

Then…

'THAT WAS TOTALLY AWSOME!!!!!!!!! OH YEAH, THAT'S THE REAL DEAL!!!!!! BELIEVE IT!!!!!'

Thankyou, thankyou…

'It's what I do.'

Sasuke still looks stunned and doesn't say anything.

Naruto, on the other hand, dashes up to me.

'Will you teach _me_ that justu?!'

He gives me puppy eyes.

He's grown attached suddenly…

'Not for free.'

'Huh?'

'I don't teach, I trade. You give me a justu for me to give you mine.'

From behind Naruto, Sasuke scoffs.

'Forget it.'

I raise an eyebrow.

'Who was asking you?'

Sasuke frowns at me. Then he puts his hands in his pockets and begins to walk off.

'Come on, Naruto. Let's go. We've done enough training for one day.'

Naruto looks towards him in a annoyance and disappointment, but begins to follow.

'Hold it.'

Naruto and Sasuke look back at me.

'If you're not in the mood to trade, perhaps if I offered something else to you.'

'Like what?'

I smile a winning smile.

'How about some ramen?'

I win.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - A training session later**

Naruto folded completely.

Within a hour, I had the proper technique for the Shadow Clone/ _Kage Bushin No Justu _pinned down and ready to use at a moment's notice. I could create a modest three clones at once.

Sasuke had left immediately without so much as a Goodbye.

And I was out to treat the young Uzumaki to ramen.

And while we sat their under the Ichiraku canopy with the stars beginning to come out and the lanterns and lights from the street shone a golden glow over everything, enveloped in the warmth and smell of hot, Asian food…

I realised that Naruto had robbed me of every last bit of money I had.

The kid was on his seventh bowl of Miso ramen and not slowing down.

I was going hungry tonight.

'Naruto, I'm glad that you've forgiven me for almost landing on you, and for teaching me one of your justus, but you've just left me broke for the next few weeks.'

Naruto stopped slurping up the noodles.

He closed his eyes and put his hands behind his head in the classic anime pose.

He chuckled sheepishly.

'I hope you have your wallet handy, 'cause my money will only cover up to your fourth serving.'

'Heh, sorry Saiyan-chan.'

_Awww, he called me Saiyan-chan. _

But he is still paying for the ramen.

Naruto opens his eyes and suddenly goes stiff.

He looks freaked out again.

'Hey, Naruto, what's wrong?'

Something heavy falls on my shoulder.

My attempt to jump right out of the Ichiraku stool fails, as the whatever holds me on to my seat.

'You seem a bit jumpy today.'

Oh, holy hell, it's Ibiki.

I turn my head to face him. One of his hands is on my shoulder. In the other is..

'I'm here to return your possessions to you.'

My bags!

He hands me my back-pack and my over-night bag. I scoop them up into my arms. I'll check them tonight.

'You carry some very…strange items with you.'

'Yeah, I guess…'

There's a uneasy silence.

Ibiki turns to leave. I move slowly back toward Naruto.

'I heard that you asked Gai to let you go off on your own.'

I'm dead. Very, very dead.

'Yeah…' My voice breaks off.

'You might want to be careful about doing that in the future…'

'_Uhuh_…'

'Heh…I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.'

Ibiki vanishes into the night.

I turn, shaking slightly, back towards Naruto.

He looks back at me with the same creeped out expression.

'Who _was_ that?!' he whispers.

I swallow.

'My evil fairy Godmother.'

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Back at home**

I'm in my nice, warm bed, with the covers up to my chest and the window blind up so I can see the stars.

And that's not the best part.

I've got back my Walkman.

I can almost forgive Ibiki for trying to kill me in terror for that.

All of my possessions are here. Nothing appears to be touched. None of the books, DVD's, CD's or drawing folders. Thankfully not, because if they had they might have found the Orochimaru fan art.

Or the Chibi Jiraiya key-chain.

Or the Itachi wallet, with the Australian dollars.

Or the Naruto manga.

Jeeze, it seems rather stupid of me to carry those things around, now. But whatever.

And I'm so tried I can keep my eyes open.

…I don't think I need to…

I've done good today. I've meet Sasuke and Naruto, made a friend out of one of them, learnt three amazing justu, and I'm as ready as ready can be for the Chuunin Exams tomorrow.

Naruto and I have already become friends. He even told me about wanting to become Hokage.

I smile.

When I said I believed him and hoped he did, he looked so happy…

He told me everything about him and his Team. Not like I didn't know already, but it was nice that he told me.

I said I'd tell him more about myself when we'd met up tomorrow at the Chuunin Exams.

It's finally here…everything I've worked for.

It's gonna be good, it's all gonna be _so good_…

…

…Except I forgot to go back to Gai…

…

Oh, FREAKING FROOTY LOOPS!

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**3,500 words long! If you don't review, Orochimaru is going to bite me and give me the Curse Mark! Then everybody is going to suffer!**

**Warning to all fans of Kabuto Yakushi! There is a slight possibility he may die in this fan-fiction! But please don't hate me. It just seems to me that for anyone to get close to Orochimaru, Kabuto just can't be there because they would seriously undermine his power! He'd have to kill them, or they have to kill him!**

**But please just keep reading! I swear, you'll never see the climax coming!**

…

**Dear Jebus, that sounded **_**so wrong**_**… **


	10. The Best Laid Plans of Genin Ninja

_**I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Nor do I own Jackie Chan Adventures or any of its affiliates…If you don't know what I mean by Jackie Chan Adventures then you either haven't seen the series, or you aren't paying close enough attention!**_

_**REVIEW. That's all I have to say…**_

_**In Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View:**_

'If I'm talking, it looks like this.' If not, I'm just thinking it.

_Italics mean words spoken in Japanese_

_It also is used as on word emphasis. _

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* **_This is a first, no "3__rd__ Person" start!_

It's come.

The day of all days is upon me.

It's 7 in the morning.

I haven't slept all night.

Because today is the day.

Oh yeah, _that_ day.

The greatest day of my life.

…

_Chuunin_ Exams Day!

I will either die of excitement, terror or the other Genin.

I've got my money on the other Genin.

It happens today.

In an hour of so, Lee will pick me up and I'll go with Maito Gai's team off to the place the Chuunin Exams are held.

I don't even have to get up out of bed yet.

…

Aww, forget it. I'm getting out of here.

I push off the covers and stagger out of the bed, trying to get my balance. I walk over to the window and pull up the blinds. In a sudden rush, light floods the room. I open the window.

A pleasant breeze flows into the room. It's wonderful.

I take a breath. Time for a shower. I still have to get my stuff together.

I throw off my pyjamas into the bed. Thankfully when Ibiki dropped off my bag yesterday, I could finally use them and I wouldn't have to keep sleeping in my "normal" clothes.

I take a quick trip down the hall to the bathroom. I'll need some time to prepare.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* **_After a 5 minute shower_

Much better.

Time for me to sort out a few things.

I grab my brush off of the dressing table and fix my hair into ponytail, with some off handing strands on either side of my face. Then I reach happily into an over-night bag and retrieve some necessaries I have been deprived of. Moisturiser, toothpaste and brush, lipbarm, deodorant, brace bands and a black hair clip.

After applying all these things to their proper place, I turn my attention to the wardrobe and my clothes.

Let's see…Red ninja pants with bandages, Sand headband around neck (Hinata style), black ninja _zori_, black sleeveless gloves with plates, weapons holster on right side for easy access and… Sasuke-style black shirt to show off cool arm tattoo.

Hey, I'm going to be meeting nearly all of the most popular Naruto characters. I want to look good. I'm trying to make an impression.

I check myself in the mirror. All is well and good.

Now for some food.

I head down to the kitchen and search the cupboards.

Thanks to the groceries that Gai helped me get on my first day, I didn't stave during the time I was here. But the food did vanish quickly as each day went.

Aha, cereal.

I set my self a bowl and look in the fridge for some milk.

Got none.

I suppose I can just use some iced coffee. There's really not much difference in me using it instead of milk, right?

I pour some on my cereal and start eating.

Afterwards, I quickly dash back to my bedroom and fix my bed. I feel so nervous. I need something to take my mind off of this.

I hoist my back-pack onto the bed and tip out its contents.

Books, manga, DVDs, CD's and a whole besides, tumble onto the white covers in a heap. I dig through the pile. Found it.

I pull out a Naruto manga book. Volume 13. Good vintage.

I sit down on the bed and flip through the pages. This is the edition where Orochimaru fights the Third Hokage.

I flick from the 1st and 2nd Hokage's resurrection to Enma's summoning to The Death God's Seal on Orochimaru's arms.

I turn the book to the light. Even on this little piece of paper and black ink, he still looks like he's in incredible pain. I close the book.

The only possible way to stop that from happening is if Saurtobi(1) doesn't use the Death God's seal on Orochimaru and the Hokages. But he has to in order to get rid of the zombie 1st and 2nd.

I've either got to stop the summoning, destroy the Hokages another way, stop Sarutobi using the seal or…

…kill the Third Hokage…

…or put my soul-arms up for the seal.

I shiver. This is bad.

I can't think about this, I haven't even gotten into the Forest of Death. The finals are ages away. I still have time to formulate a proper plan.

'Saiyan-san!'

Lee? He's here! It's time!

I jump off my bed and rush down towards the front door. I swing it open.

'Lee! About time you showed up!'

He gives me a thumbs up.

'Gai-Sensei is waiting for us at the training grounds. From there we head to the Chuunin Exams!'

'Nice.' I smile, then yesterday comes back to me, 'Uh, Lee? Gai isn't ticked off about me not appearing, is he?' I ask nervously.

'No, but he does need to speak with you about the Exams before you go.'

Aw, well. That's OK then.

'You're the Green Beast, let's go.'

I turn around and lock my door. Then I trudge along after Lee.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* **_At the training grounds_

The rest of the team was waiting there for us.

As Lee and I entered, Neji took this time to glare at me. 'You didn't come back yesterday.' He said.

I stick my tongue out at him. 'Sorry. I met some _nice_ people yesterday and I decided to take an interest in their lives. Did I mention they had more personality than you?'

Well, Naruto anyway.

Neji glares some more and then turns away. Ha.

Maito Gai addresses us.

'Today is the day of the Chuunin Exams! We've been preparing for this for quite some time, so I want you all to give it you're best shot! Even you, Saiyan-san!'

OK, pep talk done. Can we go now?

'All of your application forms have been filled in and sent. Saiyan-san, yours was signed by the Hokage personally.'

Oh yeah, free entry and admission!

'Alright, I'll tell you where to go, then you can get to it!'

Come on, let us go already!

After a speech by Gai, accompanied by Lee on the importance of hard work and youth, we finally were ready to set off.

We had just started to walk away from the training grounds…

'Oh, and one more thing…'

Damn you, Gai!

Neji, Tenten, Lee and I turn back to face him.

He looks at us hard, but smiling.

'Remember, Saiyan-san is now no longer a part of the team. For the Chuunin Exams, she's on her own. So even though we've trained with her these past few days, you'll be working against her to succeed in the Exams. So no going easy on her. Understand?'

'Yes, Gai-Sensei.' The monotonous call goes out.

'And Saiyan-san, no going easy on my team, either.'

I smile like a lunatic.

'Wouldn't dream of it.'

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* **_Walking to Exam building_

I'm going to the Chuunin Exams, with Team Gai!!!!!!

Oh, life is good, and oh so wonderful.

I want to say 'Hi' to everyone!

But I first need some backup…

'Hey, guys.' Team Gai looks towards me.

'You know that we're going to be trying to kill each other once the Exams actually begin, but can I still hang around with you before hand?'

Neji turns his head away and closes his eyes.

'No.'

What?!

'Oh, come on.'

'You are no longer a part of our team. Therefore, the longer you are around us, the more compromised we will be.'

…

'You suck, Neji Hyuga.'

Neji's head shoots back up and he turns on me.

'How did you-'

'Byakyugan. Leaf Village. Hyuga Clan. I did **not** crawl out from under a rock.'

He glares at me with an intense hatred but remains silent.

I smile sweetly. 'Welcome to the jungle, white eyes.'

I turn my attention to Rock Lee.

'You still like me, right?

He nods and smiles. 'Hai.'

I smile for real and bend down slightly. 'Aww, I like you too Lee. I'll come and hang with you later. 'Cause you're non-judgmental, unlike some people.'

I sneer at the Hyuga.

I straighten up. 'Toodle pip, Leaf nins.'

I take off in a speedy trot in the direction Gai said to go. When Team Gai is out of sight, I take off in a run. Up ahead, a familiar building looms.

I shove the doors open and launch myself down the corridor towards the stairs.

Me first, me first! Out of my way!

I move aside a few Genins out of my path. Most of them are older and look like something out of the Scary Movie films.

Leap from the stairs onto the second floor corridor. There's a marked door a few meters down. And two weird Genin appear to be standing either side of it.

A Naruto-esque smile creeps over my face. Should I ruin Kotetsu and Izumo's day? Or should I let the others figure it out?

Must…annoy…Chuunins…or…humiliate Neji…

I'm torn between to desperate desires.

Oh, what the hell. Let the kids work it out. I won't always be there for them to help them out. They've got to learn to do it themselves.

I straiten myself up and start walking calmly towards to two, my head held high.

My footsteps sound on the wooden floor. The disguised Chuunin look up at me.

'Are you here to enter the Chuunin Exams?' Izumo, I think, asks.

'Who isn't?'

Kotetsu smirks. 'Where are your team mates?'

'They're running behind schedule.'

They both turn and look at each other. They don't know, do they?

'You don't look particularly talented.' says Kotetsu.

'You should quit now before you get killed.' Izumo finishes.

I feel a twitch in my right eye. It's not like they said anything that wasn't true.

But still…

'Look, I'll tell you what. I'm just going to sit in a corner and read. And I won't give away your,' I twirl my hands up at the 301 door sign, 'big Genjutsu illusion trick. But trust me, I know. I also know that you can't be Genins, either. I just want to see the expression on the other Genin's faces when they get up here to find you two.'

The two ninja look shocked.

I smirk evilly. 'Go easy on the kids. If they all try to swarm you, I won't be helping.'

I look away and head off further down the corridor. I wonder if they're watching me.

Heh, heh. Suckers. This'll get them.

I stop suddenly in my tracks. I reach slowly into my weapons holster, my right hand sliding into the bag.

The air around me goes still. They think I'm getting ready to do them in.

I grab a hold and pull out…

…A book.

The room seems to breath a collective sigh.

I grin. Making an Impression a'la Kakashi.

I move off once again down the corridor.

I quickly find a nice, clean spot to sit on. I thump down on the floor and open up my novel.

It's a good story, but I've read it six times.

Those Genins had better get here soon.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* **_A little while later_

I did not take long for the whole corridor to fill up with ninjas.

I whole freaking place is now stuffed full of ninjas of all varieties. Most look about 15 to 17. Some look older. Others younger. Some look like they're wearing rags, others actually have a decent dress code. Most appear to be boys, though there are a few fierce looking girls. Weapons of all kinds appear along with them. Swords, sticks, giant Shuriken, and probably someone carrying a kitchen sink. Lots of different headbands, yet no Soundies as of yet.

I barely take notice of any of them.

As far as I'm concerned, this thing won't start until Naruto gets here.

I turn over another page.

The movement of people over me causes me no concern. I've been doing this since Kindergarten.

Yes, I'm pretty much anti-social. But I think the world is anti-me.

'You're trying to take the Chunin exam with that kind of level?' a voice from down the corridor taunts.

'Maybe, you should quit, kids.'

'You're still just kids.'

A cry of pain and a thud sounds as someone hits the floor. Sounds like Kotetsu and Izumo have their hands full.

Where is everyone? I haven't even heard Neji or Lee.

That's it. I'm getting up. The ninja swarm moves aside agitatedly as I stand up.

I gaze around trying to see over the top of everyone's heads.

I look towards the door. Nothing. Random, pointless Genin.

I…

…

Wait.

…

…Shiny, black hair…Dark, styled hair…Yellow, golden hair…A pinkette!

The Fun Has Arrived!

I start to push the ninjas out of my way.

'Move it, Goodbye, You suck, Stand back, Sod off, Get out of my face, What's with you, Scoot over, Shift it…Hey, Naruto!'

Nobody's listening.

'OVER HERE, UZUMAKI LOUDMOUTH!'

The blonde head turns towards me. A look of joyful recognition comes across his face.

'Hey, Saiyan-chan! Over here!'

Aww, 'Chan'. He likes me.

I push away the remaining Genin and come out in a clear space.

Neji and Tenten are standing next to me. Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura are in front of me. Lee is in a defensive position between Sasuke and Neji.

Hmm…They must have attacked each other already. Jeeze, I lose all sense of anything around me when I'm reading.

'Hey, Naruto. Hey, Sassy. Hello, pinked-haired girl I've yet to know about.'

Sasuke looks and glares at me, but not before…

'Hey! His name is Sasuke! Not "Sassy"!'

…Sakura introduces herself.

I lean towards Naruto. 'Uh, Naru? Who's the beacon of joy?'

He grins sheepishly, 'This is Sakura. She's on our team.'

I shouldn't be cruel, I shouldn't be cruel…

'Oh I see. Mad with love for you, right?'

Sakura gives off an indignant howl and launches herself towards me, knocking Naruto to the floor with a thud.

The cherry blossom gets right in my face.

'I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH NARUTO!' she screams in protest.

I back off before she can take my face off.

'Hey! Easy there, girl. Save your energy for when the Exams begin.'

I glace down at Naruto. He's face down on the floor, moaning.

I move over and help him up.

'Aww, you hurt poor Naru-chan's feelings.'

I brush some of the dirt off him.

'Now, how about these Exams?' I say to everyone.

Tenten turns crossly to face me. 'They won't let us in!'

'What did you say? Listen up, we're being kind to you.' Kotetsu menacingly explained.

'The Chuunin exam is extremely difficult.' Izumo lectured, 'We have seen those who gave up on becoming a ninja or become seriously injured taking this exam.'

'A Chuunin is a commander of a squad. It's the commander's responsibility for failing any missions and the death of their subordinates.'

I look over at Sakura. When is she going to get it?

I cough loudly at Sakura, and try to subtly point at the door sign. She just gives me a "What the Heck?" look. Freaking ditz.

I'm not standing around waiting any longer.

I lean towards Naruto. 'You know,' I whisper. 'I could've sworn we were on the _**second**_ floor.'

I point up at the numbered sign above the door.

A few precious seconds tick by while the cogs in Naruto's head begin to creak into action. I stare at his blank face, waiting for the revelation.

_Ichi…_

_Ni…_

_San…_

_Yon…_

_Go…_

_Rok_-

'Hey! That's right! We're on the second floor! So why does that door sign say 301?!'

A collective number of gasps come from people across the room from all those who didn't realise it. Sadly, the biggest come from the other members of Team 7.

Most likely for a different reason.

The sign changes from 301 to 201.

Naruto stands there with his hand behind his head, looking very pleased with himself.

Kotetsu and Izumo step away from the door.

Hey, wait. The fight with Sasuke and Lee is about to come up. I can't miss this opportunity.

'Hey, Naruto. I was with Neji's group but they kicked me out. Can I talk with you for a while before the Exams begin?'

Naruto turns to me questioningly. 'You want to hang out with me?'

'Of course I do.' I look over at Sasuke and Sakura. 'You haven't told me about your team yet. Maybe you could even tell me about some of the adventures you've had?'

Naruto looks thrilled. 'Oh, yeah! I'd love to, Saiyan-can! Believe It!'

I smile at him.

'What about your team? Shouldn't you be with them instead of us?'

That was Sasuke.

I look over to the raven-haired Uchiha. He looks back at me with a hard stare.

I need to say something no one will question. Hmm…

'They're having some face time with each other.'

The look of disgust on Sasuke's face is outmatched by the huge blush that appears across Sakura's.

'Hey, I'm 17 and my team-mates are about the same age as me. When you've been in a group that long, certain feelings begin to develop. Blossom, if you will.'

I wink over at Lee, who's sight has been fixed on Sakura for the whole time. He catches it and blushes.

I also catch a look at Neji and Tenten. They'd better not give my secret away. I really do not want everyone finding out I have no team-mates. If Naruto knows, then soon everybody will know.

And that will translate as "easy kill" to all the other ninjas in this Exam.

I wave my arms in the direction of the door. 'Alright, let's save this for later. Through the door. Let's go, time's a wasting, people.'

I manage to herd Team 7 through the 201 door and into the stair well.

I turn to Lee at the last second and motion with my hand at Sakura.

"She… is… totally… interested… in… you." I mouth as I disappear through the door.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* **A little while later

So now I'm with Team 7. The stars of the show.

And Naruto hasn't stopped talking about his adventures since we started walking.

Not that I'm complaining. Naruto's recounts of the series so far are like something out of "Naruto Abridged".

I'm trying not to laugh.

Sasuke is walking at the front, with Sakura following just behind. Neither one of them hasn't even said anything. I mentally sigh.

I actually like Pre-Shippuden Sasuke. He has flaws, he can get beaten, and although his ego is a little too resilient he still has a personality.

But…

I absolutely CANNOT stand Shippuden Sasuke. Stupid, Arsehole, Marty-Stu rip-off should choke on his own vomit and die.

'Ahh, Saiyan-chan? I've got a really weird look on your face…'

Ehh?

'Oh, sorry Naruto. Just off in my own little world for a sec.'

The group of them and me continue to walk.

The corridor ends and we walk out into an open space. There's a running staircase above us and large structural poles in front of us.

Oh, yes. This is the place.

Just have to wait for the…

'Hey, you. With the attitude. Hold on.'

Rock Lee has entered the building.

All of us turn our heads upwards, towards the sound of the voice.

Behold the kid in the far-too-revealing green spandex, in all of his glory.

I wave up at him.

'What do you want?' asks Sasuke.

'I want to fight. Right here and right now.'

I nudge Naruto slightly and point up at Lee. 'I've trained with him. I bet you a bowl of ramen that Sasuke metaphorically dies.'

Naruto looks at me with complete and utter confusion written across his face.

'Meta-four-ickly what?'

My face falls. 'That he losses, Naruto.'

'You want to fight me here and now, huh?' Sasuke continues.

'Yes.' Lee replies. He takes a leap off the above platform and land softly on his feet.

Why stand for emotionally stirring speeches when you can have this?

Lee motions towards Sasuke. 'My name is Rock Lee. You said it was common curtesy for a challenger to give his own name first, right…Sasuke Uchiha?'

Sakura and Naruto are now too caught up in this gripping scene to take notice of me. I take off my headband from around my neck and start swinging it on a finger in a circle.

'Hmm…so you know me.'

Everybody knows you, kid. Opinions about you may differ, but at least your name is out there.

Lee moves into his fighting position. 'I challenge you.'

Didn't he just say that?

'Everyone is always taking about the Uchiha clan and how great they are. I want to see if it is true. I figured you would be a good test for me.'

The Uchihas are like the characters from "Neon Genesis Evangelion". They all have textbook mental problems and if they went to a psychiatrist, the bill would be over six digits long. I snigger.

'And also…'

He looks over to Sakura. She shudders in…in that weird feeling you get when someone looks at you like that.

Lee does nothing for a moment, and then a light blush appears on his cheeks.

'Oh, Sakura. I love you!'

Sakura goes ballistic.

'_**NO! THOES EYEBROWS CAN"T BE REAL! NO!!!**_' she creams at the top of her lungs.

She hugs herself like she's caught in a blizzard. 'Your hairstyle is horrible too, _and_ _those eyebrows are so bushy_. YOU'RE SUCH A WIERDO!'

While she's having her breakdown, I move so that I can get a view of Lee. I smile and give him the thumbs up. I give him the "Go On!" motions with my hands.

I love it when they spaz out on this show.

Lee catches the motion and continues on with vigour. 'You are an angel, sent from heaven.'

He closes his eye and blows out a candy pink heart. He blows it towards Sakura.

Sakura's scream goes up another five octaves.

She dodges hastily to side as the heart scoots pass her and sticks to the pole behind her.

'That was a good move, but let us see you dodge this.' He launches a speedy barrage of little floating hearts at her in quick succession.

Sakura, despite all expectations, manages to freak out even more.

I'm still standing here, twirling my headband, about to die.

Using the natural agility of a rubber figurine, Sakura slips past all the hearts thrown at her.

With a mighty bang on the floor and a loud crack from her head, the last of hearts sticks fast to the pole. Panting and with a sore to her head, Sakura staggers to her feet.

I feel something slip from a grasp. There's a whoosh of air and Sakura lets out a harpy-like screech of pain. My headband is no longer in my grasp and Sakura has another bump on her head.

She turns to face me in fury. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!' she bellows.

I try to smother my laughter. 'Sorry. I wasn't really paying attention.' I move over and quickly snatch up my headband from the floor, then dash behind Naruto for protection.

Sakura forgets me and takes her anger out on Lee. 'Hey! Keep your creepy little Valentines to yourself! I was dodging for my life there!'

'You do not have to be so negative, Sakura.' He says glumly.

'Hey! You can't talk to Lee that way!' I move over to him and pat him on the shoulder, and make a face at Sakura. 'He's not creepy in the slightest, and at least he has a personalty, unlike _Sasuke Emo-chiha_ over there.' I motion towards the stoic Sharingan user.

Sasuke glares at me harshly and Sakura continues on her rant.

'He _**is**_ creepy and weird! And so are you! Sasuke-kun is nothing like him!'

'Oh, cram it with walnuts, you borderline schizophrenic fan-girl!'

Sakura glares at me with a sizzling anger and I respond in kind.

Then, I stick out my tongue and walk back towards Naruto, who's shaking right on cue. 'Lee's awesome, you can't fight for dango, _deal with it_.'

Sasuke resumes the normal dialogue. 'You've heard of the Uchiha clan yet you're challenging me? You must be even more psycho than you look…if that's possible.'

I glare at him 'People with a hair style in the shape of a bird's rear end should never use the words "insane", "crazy" or "psycho" when they're talking about someone else.'

He looks at me. 'And you're just as crazy as he is.'

_What the hell did I just say to you?!_

He looks back to Lee. 'You want to know more about my clan? Then I'll teach you, _the hard way_.'

Itachi can threaten people. You just can't.

Lee smirks and moves into position. 'Bring it on.'

While Lee has his internal monologue, I replace my headband around my neck. When Sasuke gets his arse kicked, the _Fru-chiha_ is going to suffer.

'Hold it!'

Everybody looks back to Naruto.

Naruto gazes at Lee with determination. 'I get him first. This weirdo is mine.'

I move over towards him. 'Naruto, I wouldn't do that. I really wouldn't.'

I make a gesture at Lee. 'You won't like how it'll end.'

'Go for it.' Sasuke says quietly.

'If he fails, you're next, Sauce-_ke_.' I say flatly.

'Naruto…' Sakura calls out, warningly.

'What? It'll take me two minutes to have this guy begging for mercy.'

'No, you won't.'

'No thank you,' says Lee. 'The only one I want to fight…is the Uchiha.'

'Yeah? Well I got news for you…' Naruto takes off passed me. 'Sasuke can't compare to me! Believe it!'

Naruto bolts towards Lee in flash of orange.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* **_After the fight_

'So did you win, Naruto-chan?' I call out.

Naruto is up against the wall, out for the count.

I point at Naruto's prone figure. 'And the moral of the story is, you should all listen to me more.'

Nobody takes any notice.

Lee begins to speak again. 'Just accept it. You have no chance against me. You skills are inferior. You see Sasuke…'

'Out of all the top Genin, I am the best. Fight me and I will prove it to you.'

I decide to ruin the dramatic silence.

'I don't care if anyone listens to me, but' I point at Sasuke. 'You're going to lose so badly, you'll make Sakura go emo.'

'Shut up! Sasuke-kun is going to wipe the floor with him!' she spits.

I huff and walk over towards Naruto. I grab him by his jump suit's white collar and drag him to the sidelines.

I sit down net to him. 'Trust me, Naru-chan. Sasuke's going to be having some face time with the floor.'

Naruto doesn't respond. He just looks down moodily.

'Aww, cheer up, kid. Lee kicks arse, it's a fact of life. I've spent all my time in Konoha training with him. He's the exact opposite of a push-over.'

He still doesn't look happy. I think for a second. Then I lean over and give him a nudge. 'Check this out.'

I cup my hands around my mouth and yell out. 'Lee! Beat him up for Gai-sensei! Go for the kidneys! Hard work rules! Poke him in the eyes! I believe in you! Etcetera, etcetera.'

Lee turns and gives me a smile. 'I will Saiyan-san! For you…and for Gai-sensei.'

I respond with a thumbs up. 'That's my Rock!' I then turn and look back at Naruto.

'I bet you, any amount of ramen that you want, that Sasuke ends up in Sakura's arms by the end of this fight.'

That got his attention.

'You're on, Saiyan-chan!'

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* **_After the fight_

'Naruto, you owe me…so…much…ramen.' I say, slowly stringing to words out.

Naruto just sits there, looking stupefied.

Sasuke not only lost, but ended up in Sakura's arms. So naturally I'm smiling happily, Naruto's just realised he's playing for lunch, Sasuke and Sakura are both wondering how Sasuke failed so spectacularly and Lee is desperately trying to explain himself to a tortoise.

I'm having so much fun.

While Lee's stuttering to the summoning and Sakura just looks on with surprise, Sasuke is wiping his mouth and glaring at Lee.

I point at him. 'Tell me, Naruto. How does Sasuke take to losing?' I ask.

Before Naruto can say anything, Sasuke turns his gaze and glares even more harshly at me.

'Ah, I see. Badly.' I say, finishing my own sentence.

Both Sasuke and Sakura start walking over towards us. I get up off the floor and stretch out my back. Naruto follows the motion and moves over to Sakura.

'Hey, that's a turtle, isn't it?'

I take this out of Sakura's hands. 'Tortoise, Naru-chan. That,' I say, pointing towards Lee's self-pity party corner, 'is a summoning. It's basically an animal that is capable of speech and intelligent thought. High ranking ninja use then to aide them in battle.'

I am _**so **_getting a snake one. Or maybe a tiger, or a fox…or a-

'You. How did you know that he would win?'

That is, I think, the first time Sasuke has properly addressed me. I turn to face him.

I smile at him. 'I've spent four days training with him. You only have to look at him and you can easily guess that by his skill level, that he's been training from dawn to dusk every day of his Shinobi life. I admire him for that. He's made a name for himself using only Taijutsu.

Now if only he could go Super Saiyan…

'Are you ready for your punishment?' asks the summoning.

'I…ah…Yes, sir' Lee admits defeat.

'Ah, guys,' I say. 'Unless you want more mental scarring, cover your eyes.'

'What? Why?' asks Naruto.

'All right then, come out. Gai-sensei!'

A loud bang goes off and smoke rises up out of nowhere.

'Heeeey…What's up, everybody? What's shaking, ladies?'

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

I told them not to look.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* **_After Maito Gai's appearance_

'They're insane.'

'I know, isn't it great?'

Gai has finished chastising Lee and they're about to going running off into the sunset together.

It's sweet in its appallingly freaky way.

'Hi, Gai-sensei!'

'Good to see you again, Saiyan-san!' he calls.

I turn to the others. 'Heh. Cool people know me.'

Sasuke scoffs.

For a moment, Gai looks over at where all of us are standing, and then he disappears.

I hear the others gasp loudly.

'Not to ruin the dramatic effect, but he's behind you.' I say.

And he was.

I don't even bother with looking surprised as I turn around to face him.

I phase out during the talk and walk over to Lee.

'You did great. Total arse-kickery. Just don't go crazy and tell everyone how you did it. It's best to keep them guessing. More fun too.'

Lee looks at me with a smile. 'Thank you, Saiyan-san.'

I smile too. 'I'll be seeing you during the Exams, Lee-san.'

I look back over at the rest of the Genins.

'Enjoy your fun-run with Gai.'

I move back towards them, waving a hand at Lee, who waves back.

Lee, Gai and the tortoise summoning disappears. I come back up to Naruto's group. 'So…where're we heading off to now?'

'What about your team?' Sasuke asks again.

I glare at him. 'You're just the same as _Neji Spew-ga_. You know, most people are glad to have me around.'

'That doesn't answer my question.'

Sasuke glares right at me this time, giving me complete eye contact.

'Even since you arrived here, you've been alone. No one besides us has even talked to you. No one in their right mind would show up to the Chuunin Exams by themselves without any team mates.'

Every muscle in my body tightens. I move over to Sasuke, a very grim frown on my face. Oh, he is not calling me out. I am not putting up with his attitude any longer.

'Let me clarify this for you: I'm not in my right mind and I haven't been for a while. I came here for something very important, and I intend to get it, regardless of anything that may happen. In all honestly, I'm not worried by any of you, not even Lee or Gaara. What I'm on about is something really big, so big it affects even you, Sasuke.'

His face is set in stone, just like mine. I turn my back to him.

'I mean this when I say this. **I absolutely will not allow anyone** to mess up my plans. This time, I'm getting what I want. '

I set off towards the door to the first Examination room.

…Giving the two-finger peace sign over my back.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

***3rd Person Point Of View***

As Saiyan disappeared from sight, a slight tingle worked its way into Sasuke lips.

His head bent down, the frown on his face twisted itself up into a smirk.

'Sasuke?…' Sakura questions quietly.

'…Well…these exams are finally starting to get interesting.' He says.

He stands up straight, facing the door.

'Naruto! Sakura! Let's go!'

With cheer from Naruto and a quiet noise from Sakura, The trio move off towards the door, to face the final trials of the Genin ninja world.

(1) "Saru" means monkey in Japanese! Don't you just love the language? Remember DBZ? Goku and his son and wife, "Cooked Rice" and "Breasts/Father"? Only in Japanese.

I pride myself on being accurate. I sat there and listened to all of the English dialogue from the show and most of it is here, unchanged in its original form. I put in some effort, Believe It!

I've decided to drastically reduce the amount of depth I'm going to use to illustrate the Chuunin exams. At this rate, Orochimaru won't come until next year! So, by next chapter, I'll begin at the Forest of Death, hopefully. XP

Just to clarify, this is not a Lee fic! I like him, and Neji deserves to get a lot of face time with Lee's shoe, but this is about Orochi-hebi. Still, I'd be on his side in any situation.


	11. Cheat, Repeat Until Caught, Then Lie

_**I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Nor do I own Jackie Chan Adventures or any of its affiliates…If you don't know what I mean by Jackie Chan Adventures then you either haven't seen the series, or you aren't paying close enough attention!**_

_**REVIEW. That's all I have to say…**_

_**In Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View:**_

'If I'm talking, it looks like this.' If not, I'm just thinking it.

_Italics mean words spoken in Japanese_

_It also is used as word emphasis. _

* * *

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* **

I'm standing in a short corridor with a door at the end of it.

…

Behind that door are about a hundred of the most highly-strung, psychologically deficit people this side of Norman Bates. (1)

…

I'm not exactly sure about doing this, any more.

I mean, of course I want to see Orochimaru, but maybe had have better luck if I just waited for them to go into the Forest of Death and just sneaked in through the parameter.

It's not really the people that scare me.

…

It's the First Written Exam part.

OK, so I know it doesn't matter what I put down on the paper I still pass, thanks to the final question, but I know Ibiki's got it for me. If I so much as look up, sneeze or blink too much, I'll have a kunai knife launched at my head.

I rub my eyes in agitation.

This is just stupid. Just go in there, sit down, do the freaking test and soon, I'll be at the Forest of Death and I'll finally get to see Orochi.

I stretch out my arms ahead of me, fingers locked together. The muscles and bones stretch and crack pleasantly.

I move over to open the door.

A small poof and a cloud of smoke goes off besides me. A vaguely familiar figure appears from it.

'Ah, I was hoping I could catch you before you went in.'

The Shinobi is wearing a standard Leaf Jounin outfit. Only one of his eyes is visible, as a navy-blue mask covers part of his face. His hair is a pristine silver, erect yet slightly lopsided, almost like Vegeta's from Dragon Ball Z.

There can be no doubt about it.

This is Kakashi Hatake (2), the Copy Ninja.

I am in the presence of true greatness…and hotness.

I gaze at him, starry eyed.

'Did you want to see me about something?' I smiled.

His bored-looking eye looks me up and down.

'Well, yes. But I also want to talk to my students.'

Of course, the awe-inspiring speech about doing the Exams as a team, doing things as a team, the good team speech.

No offence, but, they can't really work as a team since Pre-Shippuden Sakura only contributes uselessness to Team Seven and has all the wrath of a Potter Puppet Pal.

I look at my watch. Time is ticking and I want a good seat.

'Hey, Kakashi-sensei!' What are you doing here?!'

Finally they caught up.

Kakashi blinks over at his students.

'Hey, I was wondering when you guys would show up.'

Hey wait. I have the chance to make some conversation before we go in.

'Your name's Kakashi? As in, Kakashi Hatake, rival of Maito Gai, right?'

From under his mask, his face falls and he lets off a tired groan. 'Yes.'

Team Gai had mentioned Kakashi's name and general status to me a few days ago. His name had come up in the conversation, via Gai, and from there had escalated into a defiant speech about how Gai would bet Kakashi one day, and a few hundred one-handed push-ups.

'You have a very…uh…_unique_ relationship with each other as two Jounin friends.'

He groans again. '_Yes_.'

He reopens his eyes and looks at Team Seven.

'There's something important I want to tell you about the Exams.' He begins.

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura gaze intently at Kakashi.

I sign and lean back against the wall. This is mind-numbingly boring.

Kakashi launches into the pre-set speech. I take out my book from my Kunai holder and pick up reading where I left off. The background noises of them talking fade out as I flick through the pages. It's a bit of a cliché, girl with special powers she doesn't know about defeats evil and falls in love, blah, blah. Maybe I could write a parody about it on .

Once there was a werewolf princess, who knew kung-fu, sword fighting, bitchslap-no-jutsu and could do magic. An evil smeg-for-brains tyrant wanted her as a wife for his imbecilic son, and they had also killed her mother. The princess took her sword and cut the jerk-off son in half, poured gasoline on him and set fire to his body- (3)

'Ahem, excuse me?'

I look up. All of them are starting at me weirdly.

Please don't tell me I was saying that out loud.

I shove the book roughly back into the pouch. 'Ah, yes? You…wanted to tell me… something?'

Kakashi's eye gazes a bit more hardly at me.

'For the first Genin in Leaf history to be taking the Chuunin Exams without a team, you're pretty scatterbrained.'

I gulp. Naruto's eyes seem to explode inside his skull.

'NANI!? You don't have a team, Saiyan-chan!'

I rush over to the little squealer and cap my hands over his mouth. 'Naru-chan, you're my friend…but if anyone finds this out, I'm going to insert your headband into your eye-socket and stick a flaming kunai up your-'

'So, you were lying to us this whole time about having a team.'

Sasuke glares at me through narrowed eyes.

I grimace. 'You asked me if I had a team, which was true, so I said yes. You didn't ask me if I was competing with my team in the Exams.'

I straighten up and take my hands off Naruto's mouth. 'You merely assumed I was.'

OK, technically, I don't have a team, but the same rules still apply.

Kakashi rubs his head. 'Well, I don't know if _Saiyan-san_ actually heard what I was saying about the Exams, but I want all of you to do your best.'

Naruto, who has recovered from his shock, provided the next necessary line.

'Alright! Let's go!'

Kakashi stepped aside so his team could enter the room.

All three walked up to the doorway, about to push their way through.

I slipped behind them to follow them through.

'Oh, and _Saiyan-san_. I would like a word with you before you go in.' speaks Kakashi from behind me.

I stop and turn around away from the door as Team Seven disappear inside.

This has to be bad. No one ever asks to talk to you for a good reason.

'Look, _Hatake-sama_, I actually was listening to that inspiring speech about team work you gave-'

'That's not what I was talking about.'

Oh.

Kakashi suddenly looks a whole lot more serous all of a sudden.

'Saiyan-san, you do realise that no Genin has ever been admitted into the Chuunin Exams as a single participant, do you? No in the entire history of any of the Hidden Villages.'

'Er…I do now.'

'The fact is: I'm here to take you out of the Exams-'

WHAT?!?

'Nooooo, Please, Kakashi! I need to. I really, really need to! It's so important! I need to-'

'…if you want to get out now.' He finishes.

Oh. I open my eyes and let go of his feet. I guess it wasn't necessary for me to start crying, then.

'Ah, I reckon I'm OK, thank you.'

I stand back up.

'Well, I'm going to go now. So…ah…it was really nice meeting you…and everything…so…_Sayonara_.'

I hurriedly turn around and run towards the door, my face blushing.

I cried in front of Kakashi Hatake. I _freaking cried_ in front of Kakashi Hatake.

This can't get any worse.

I reach the door and shove it open. I stare inside.

The whole room is full of head-tearing, psycho-Genins.

Kakashi, come back! I'm ready to quit now!

* * *

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View***

I am currently glued to Naruto's back.

I refuse to move an inch away from him, or towards anyone that I don't know on a personal level. These people are, until proven otherwise, all murders.

I'm passing the time by trying to find the three Sound Genins and the Sand Siblings amongst the mixed multitude of other ninjas. I found Kin, Dosu (he wears a freaking polar bear skin, it wasn't exactly hard to spot) and Kankuro (again, puppet mummy, so not hard to find). I can see what I believe to be Temaris's blonde pigtails and someone pale and red-headed that has to be Gaara, if only I could see his face.

Or his gourd.

Orochimaru and his cronies aren't in here though. How did anybody _not_ notice the appearance of a Genin team that wasn't in the first Exam?

'Sasuke-kun! You're late!'

About freaking time they showed up.

As Ino runs up and quickly snuggles up to Sasuke, the Nara and Akimichi Genins advance with her.

'What, are you three going to take this troublesome exam, too?' Shikamaru casually questioned Team 7.

'Well if they're here, then the answers obviously yes.' I reply, still behind Naruto.

Shikamaru's bored-out-of-my-skull face peers at me.

'Who's the annoying woman behind you?' he says to Naruto.

'I'm Saiyan. I'm not on Naruto's team and I'm not too old to be a Genin, so don't ask. Naruto has already told me all your names.'

Naruto turns to me looking confused.

'I did?'

'Yeah! Found you all! So, I see that everyone is here.' Came a loud call.

Kiba, Hinata and Shino had spotted our little group.

Shikamaru looked at Team 8, 'What? So you three made it too? Jeez.'

'I see, so all nine Genin rookies this year are going to take the exam. How far do you think we can get, Sasuke-kun?' Kiba boastingly inquired.

'You seem to be confident, Kiba.' Sasuke coolly responded.

'We trained like hell. We won't lose to you.' Kiba chided.

This statement, of course, riles up Naruto.

'Shut up. Putting Sasuke aside, I won't lose to you!' Naruto pointed at Kiba, emphasizing his point.

Hinata moves in to heal the widening rift.

'I'm sorry, Naruto-kun. Kiba-kun didn't mean it that way.' Hinata nervously twiddled her fingers.

'What?' cluelessly interrogated Naruto. Hinata blushed profusely.

'Hinata is apologising for her team-mates statement, Naruto.' I say.

Ah, love between the Sweet and the Stupid.

'Hey, you guys.'

My face immediately falls and I grit my teeth. Kabuto.

The nerdy, medicinal, Orochimaru supporting jerk-off. I could take much better care of Orochi.

And he acts like such a glorified arsehole to Naruto during the Tusnade-Sannin fight. If I wasn't restraining myself, I'd kick him in the balls until he cried right now.

When the Forest of Death comes, I'm going to smack that man-b**ch up!

'You should quiet down a little.' Kabuto settled in place, 'So, you're the nine rookies that just graduated from the academy, correct? You're all fooling around with those cute faces…Jeez, this isn't a field trip.'

'Who are you to tell us that?!' Ino demanded.

He's a big snobbing lair, that's what he is.

Kabuto's expression lightened, 'I am Kabuto Yakushi. Look around you...'

They all turned their heads to look at the vast array of harsh-looking ninja.

I'm not taking my eyes off of the Yakushi.

'The ones behind you are from the Hidden Village of Rain. They have a short temper. Everyone is tense, since it's right before the exam.' Kabuto went on to explain.

Feh. You don't even see half of these ninjas in the Forest of Death. Having a short temper and aresing-great big weapons doesn't help if you can't spell.

The only thing they'll be writing on their tests is "Oh boy, was I suckered."

Kabuto brought out his "ninja-info cards" and laid them out in a stack. 'The information of this exam's examinees are not perfect, but I've burned and saved them. They include the information of the nine of you as well … although, I don't appear to have any information on the rather silent one behind you.'

With that, he looked up directly at me.

'Incidentally, aren't you a bit old to be a Genin?'

What is it with people pointing out that I'm old for a Genin?!

'You're one to talk! How many failed attempts have you made to complete the Exams? I heard seven! This is my first try, and I can guarantee I'll get further than you!

'Do you know this guy?' asks Sasuke.

I grin my teeth together tighter. 'In a sense, yes.'

Kabuto smiles back up at me. 'Strange…I don't recall that we've ever met.'

'Tales of your legendary idiocy have spread far across the Shinobi nations.' I reply.

Kabuto leans slightly and the light catches off his glasses. 'You're a Sand ninja, right? Aren't you supposed to be in your team with the other Sand Genins? Instead of hanging around with kids.'

'I'm just trying to keep up good relations with the Leaf village. That's good diplomacy.'

'…But, Saiyan-chan, you don't have a tea-'

Within seconds, Naruto is in a headlock.

'What part of "don't tell anyone" is so hard for you to remember?' I snarl, rubbing my knuckles into his head with each word.

There's a quiet chuckle. 'So you don't have any team-mates. That's quite…unusual to say the least.'

I let go of Naruto in huff. I'm getting out of the firing zone. I move over to the wall and put my back to it, allowing the group to carry on their conversation. I don't know how much damaged I've caused already.

They continued conversing and Naruto begins to shake.

He faced the group of people and pointed an arm at them, 'My name is Naruto Uzumaki! I'm not going to lose to any of you! Got that?!'

Boy, he recovered fast.

Now if I recall correctly, The Music of Sound trio will launch their assault on Kabuto now. I search through the crowd until I find Kin and Dosu again.

Suddenly, both disappear.

It's Showtime.

Three super-fast, indistinct blurs weave quickly in between the other ninjas.

One blur gains a solid form.

Zaku leaps up high, drawing a kunai.

He cast it downwards towards Kabuto, who quickly jumps back and slides away, the kunai stabbing into the floor tiles.

Dosu shoots up right in front of Kabuto and throws a punch.

Kabuto dodges quickly. His glasses then brake, splintering the glass.

He pulls off his broken glasses, a few shards of lens cascading to the floor.

In a sudden moment, his pupils shrink and he drops to his knees.

He covers his stomach with a hand and vomits all over the floor.

Ew, nasty. Suck it up, Kabutard. I know for a fact you've been afflicted by worse.

At that moment, in the front of the room, arose a very large burst of smoke.

'Quiet down, you punks!' Ibiki's voice boomed.

Oh, freaking crap!

As the haze settles, Ibiki and a squad of Chuunin emerge.

'Sorry to keep you waiting. I am the examiner of the first test of the Chunin selection exam.'

Ibiki points at the Sound Genins, 'You three from the Hidden Village of Sound-'

'I'm sorry. I was excited, since this is my first exam.' Dosu apologised.

Ibiki nodded once in understanding.

'This is a good chance to say this. You are not allowed to fight each other during the exam, unless given permission by the examiners. Even if the permission is given, you are not allowed to kill the other. Pigs who go against me will fail immediately, understood?'

'Ha, this exam seems so soft and easy.' Someone, _cough Zaku cough_, boasted.

'We will now begin the first test of the Chunin selection exam. Turn in your applications, take one of these number tags, and sit where the number tells you to. Then we will pass out the papers for the written exam.'

A Chunin fanned out the numbered slips.

'Written? Papers? Paper? A paper test?!' Naruto lost his cool.

I decide to move all the way to back were no one psycho can see me. Then a large, heavy hand falls on my shoulder.

'You don't have to worry about finding a seat.' Says Ibiki in a way that screams "Death from above!".

'You'll be sitting right down the front were I can easily see you .'

'And my application?' I stutter.

'Already turned in. Here is your number tag. I sincerely hope you enjoy yourself.'

* * *

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View***

Right down the front, he says. Right down the freaking front, he means. I'm right in the front row and everybody else is behind me. I'm so freaking close to Ibiki, he could reach out and pull me out of my seat.

'This first exam has a few important rules. I will not accept any questions, so listen carefully. First rule is you are all given 10 points at the start. The written exam consists of 10 questions, and each is worth one point. This test is a deduction based test. If you get one problem wrong, you will get one point deducted. If you get three problems wrong, your points will be reduced to 7. Second rule, the pass-fail decision will be determined by your team's total points.'

Gibberish, all gibberish.

A voice that sounds like Sakura's calls out. 'Wait!'

'There is a reason for this. Just shut up and listen. Now that you know, let's move on to the next rule. If an examiner's determined that you cheated or do something similar during the test…each action will cause you to lose two points.'

'…What?' questioned another voice.

'Oh!' Sakura exclaimed in understanding.

'In other words, there will be people who will be forced to leave this place without their tests being graded. Those who try to cheat without thinking carefully will only hurt themselves.'

'We'll _check_ you at any time.' Kotetsu added.

_This test is based on lies!!! Lies, I say!!!_

'You are all trying to be Chunins. If you are a ninja, act like a first-rate one. Also, if anyone in the team gets zero, everyone on that team will fail.'

'What did you say?!' Sakura shrieked.

This really doesn't apply to me.

'The last problem will be given 45 minutes after the exam begins. You have one hour for the exam. Begin!'

I lower my eyes to the sheet of paper on the desk in front of me.

OK, now, I know Japanese. I've studied it for over seven years, but…I can't make heads of tails of this. This is just incomprehensible to someone who doesn't know Japanese naturally. I can't even read/understand the questions, let alone answer these freaking things correctly. I know it doesn't matter, but still, what the heck am I going to do for an hour?!

I continue to stare at the page.

I can't look up, make any sudden movements or Ibiki will impale me. I have got to get through this somehow.

Well…

I can't remember the answers but I do know how mostly everybody, well everybody that matters to the show and the plot line, cheats to get the answers.

That's it! I'll just write down how everybody else cheats! Then I can pass the test anyway AND prove that I can gather information. Ok, so it isn't gathering information, it's just knowing everything anyway, but it'll still prove I'm awesome.

Turning the entire paper over, I begin to scribble on the blank page:

*Sasuke uses his Sharingan

*Naruto doesn't cheat – He's too honourable

*Hinata uses her-

Wait. Everything they write here is in Japanese. I don't exactly know if they, or indeed I am, speaking English. Maybe I'm speaking Japanese and my brain is just un-messing with me.

I put crosses through the first three lines.

OK, I'd better keep this simple. My Japanese grammar leaves something to be desired.

_*Sasuke uses his Sharingan_

_*Naruto doesn't cheat – He's too honourable_

_*Hinata uses her Byakyugan_

_*Same for Neji_

_*Sakura is naturally smart_

_*Same for Shikamaru_

_*Shino uses his insects_

_*Kiba uses Akamaru (his dog)_

The sound of pencils scaping on paper and relative silence continues.

Suddenly, there's a whoosh over my head and a thunk of metal into wood.

A startled cry goes out. 'What is the meaning of this?!'

'You screwed up five times. You fail.' Kotetsu responded.

'What?!'

Kotetsu pointed his pencil at the Genin, 'Team-mates of his, get out of here. Right now.'

I could hear the footstep of the ninjas as they walked out of the room.

_*Ino takes over Sakura's body to get the answers_

As if aroused by the first team, more Chunins began calling out names of the deceased.

'Number 23, fail. Number 43 and 26, fail.'

'Nooo!!' a boy cried out while being forcefully pulled from the classroom.

Don't look up don't look up…

*Gaara uses his sand to aid him

There was a loud slamming of hands on a table. 'Hey, man, do you have any proof that I cheated five times? Are you all really able to watch over this many people?!'

Then there came a nasty sounding crack and a thud.

'Listen up. We are Chunins that were chosen for this exam. Elites, so to say. We won't miss a single thing you do.' he threatened the young ninja.

'My strength is the proof.' the Chunin added.

I raise my pencil again.

_*Lee doesn't cheat – he's too honourable_

Cheating resumed.

'Number 59, fail.

Number 33 and 9, fail.

Number 41, fail.

Number 35 and 62, fail.'

'No way!' a random Genin exclaimed.

Right out of the blue, Kankuro spoke up. 'Excuse me!'

'What is it?' came a reply from a Chuunin I hadn't heard before.

'I need to go to the bathroom.' Upon his request, there came the sound of metal and something soft rubbing together.

'The rules say that we have to accompany you to the bathroom.'

Kankuro cheerily replied, 'That makes sense.'

I nearly snort into my hand. With a quick flick, I add another cheater to the list.

_*Kankuro uses his badly made puppet to get the answers to him and Temari_

* * *

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View***

'Okay! I will now give the tenth problem!' Ibiki paused, 'Yes, but before that, there's one thing I must say…there will be one special rule for this last question. This is…a hopeless rule. First, you are all going to have to choose if you wish to take this tenth problem or not.'

'Choose? So what happens if we don't take the tenth problem?' came a familiar girl's voice.

'If you choose not to take it, your points will be reduced to zero. In other words, you will fail. Your two other team-mates will fail along with you.'

_I have no team-mates! You're threats are useless! Useless!!!_

'What's the meaning of that?!" a Genin called out. 'Of course we're going to choose to take it!'

'Team-mates also failing is bull!' came another.

'And here is the other rule. If you choose to take it, and you get it wrong, you will…lose the privilege to take the Chuunin exam forever.'

Chuunin? I laugh at your Chuunins!

Kiba voice rang out. 'What kind of dumb rule is that?! There should be those here who have taken the Chunin exam in the past!'

Akamaru yapped twice, following Kiba's outburst.

Ibiki chuckled to himself, 'You were unlucky. This year, I am the rule. That is why I give you the option of quitting. Those who are not confident can choose not to take it and take the exam next year, or the year after that.'

There was a moment of silence as the threat of the situation sunk in. Just not for me.

'Let us begin. Those who will not be taking this tenth question, raise your hands. After we confirm your numbers, we will have you leave.'

I decide just to sit on my hands.

There was a moment of silence, until someone stuttered in the back. 'I…I…I quit. I won't take it.'

'Number 50, fail.' Izumo replied. 'Number 130 and 111, fail along with him.'

'I'm sorry…Gennai, Inaho.' the boy apologized.

What! Who wouldn't want to be a Genin forever?

'Me too!' another ninja raised his hand.

I mean, Chuunins can't do anything.

'Me too.' more Genins called out.

Either can the ANBU, but their trained especially to do nothing.

Suddenly, the loud, sharp sound of a hand slamming on a table echoes around the room.

'Screw you! I'm not going to run away! I'll take this problem! Even if I become a Genin forever, I'm going to become a Hokage no matter what!'

That's what I'm taking about!

'Settle down!' Ibiki hushing the forming riot. 'I will ask one more time. This is a choice that will impact your life. If you want to quit, now is the chance.'

'I'm not going to take back my words. That's my "Way of the Ninja".' Naruto challenges.

Oh, what the heck.

'Neither will I, you colossal fraud!'

Ibiki and, I'm pretty certain everybody else in the room, looks at me.

'Yeah…take that.'

'Nice determination.' Ibiki compliments. 'Then…for the First exam, everyone here…passes!'

Yes! I win.

'Wait! What's the meaning of that!' Sakura screeches. 'We pass already?! What about the tenth question!?'

Ibiki laughs. 'There was no such thing to begin with. Or you can call the two-choice question the tenth question.'

'What?' Sakura responded.

'Hey!' Temari yells, 'So what were those previous nine problems?! It was all a waste!'

'No, it's not.' Ibiki slyly replies.

'The nine problems accomplished their purpose. The purpose to test each individual's information gathering skills.'

'Information gathering skills?' Temari repeated.

_I have skills you people wouldn't dream of._

Ibiki began to pull his hat off.

With that, Ibiki removes his hat. Gasps from a few at the scarred sight are heard by everybody.

'Information can have greater value than life at times, and in missions and battlefields...information is contested with the lives of people.'

He returned his hat to it's place.

'The information that an enemy gets after being noticed by a third person will not necessarily be accurate. Remember this. Getting incorrect information can cause great damage to your team-mates and village. So, we made you all gather information in the form of cheating. We kicked out those who were lacking in that field. That's what went on.'

'But I still can't agree to that last question...' Temari commented.

'But this tenth question was the main question of this First exam.' Says Ibiki, raising his arms.

'What do you mean?' asked Sakura.

'Let me explain.' Ibiki responded.

Hmm…maybe I should leave one last note before I hand in the test…

*Dear Ibiki-idiot, I have passed your pointless test. Not only did I know the answers, I also knew who cheated! Now you have to admit I'm awesome. Once I finish this Exam, I'll expect a full speech from you about how-

'The First exam of the Chuunin Selection ends now. I wish you luck.'

'Alright! Wish us luck!' Naruto gushed.

Wait…what the…oh, crap. I spaced out again, didn't I?

I turn to Ibiki, but his eyes are directed at the window.

That means that…Anko!

There's a loud crash of glass as the window smashes and a lithe, female figure flies through the broken window

She carries a sheet, with her name painted in bold, startling kanji, which drapes from the ceiling behind her.

'Everybody, there's no time to be happy. I am the second examiner, Anko Mitarashi! Let's go to the next exam!'

She raised her fist, 'Follow me!'

The room grew silent as nobody else responded to her.

Yes! Everybody follow the psycho snake-lady!

She lowers her arm and looks to Ibiki, 'Ibiki, you let 26 teams pass? The First exam must have been too soft.'

'It looks like there are a lot of excellent students this time.' he replied.

'Oh, well.' Anko looked back over the Genin. 'I'm going to make more than half of the teams fail in the next exam. I'm getting excited. I will explain the details tomorrow. We will go somewhere else, so ask your Jounin teachers about the rally point and time.'

'That is all. Dismissed.'

As people begin to flood out of the room, Ibiki motions to me to come over.

'You shouldn't look so relieved. This was the easiest part of the Exam. The second part is when your team-mates are absolutely vital to your survival.'

'I had a feeling this was just to weed out the stupid ones.' I reply.

Anko chuckles. 'Heh. I like this one already.'

She walks up to me, but looks to Ibiki. 'So this is the girl who's doing the Exam solo?' She then turns to me. 'You're not getting any special treatment from me. In fact, I have very little doubt I'll ever see you again after tomorrow.'

'There's always that.' I say. 'But just in case that's true…'

I immediately run over to her and grab her hand.

'Miss Anko, you are one of people I admire the most in _Naru…_- Konoha. You are an exemplary ninja and you're an inspiration to all kunoichi.'

Rather than wait for her reaction, I let go of her hand, turn around and shoot out the door.

* * *

***Third Person Point of View***

The battle-scared Shinobi and the purple-haired kunoichi could only gape at the spot were the young ninja just stood.

After about a moment silence, Anko addressed Ibiki. 'So, how did she do during the Test?'

'All she did was turn the paper over and write on the back. She didn't actually answer any of the questions. Almost like she knew the true nature of the test.'

Anko moved over to the desk at which Saiyan had sat at.

'What did she write on the back?…'

She picked up the paper from the desk, her eyes scanning over the paper.

A look of confusion and mild surprise overcame her features, until her eyes reached the bottom of the page.

With a hand over her mouth trying to smother a laugh, she handed the paper over to a waiting Ibiki.

Ibiki eyes scrolled down to were Anko's finger was pointing.

…

'_Ibiki-baka?' _

* * *

* * *

(1) Psycho, Alfred Hitchcock. Great Movie.

(2) When I typed up Kakashi's name, I accidentally clicked on Spellchecker. The result was it changed Kakashi Hatake into Kakashi Hotcakes. I'd eat THAT for breakfast, any day! ^_^

(3) All glory and power (plus a cookie) to those who can guess the name of this particular book I'm parodying!

Sorry, this chapter is so badly done. I just want to finish the unnecessary parts and get to the damn forest. Wall-flower chapter. RATE, I'M TIRED!!!!


	12. Death Forest: Do Not Feed the Animals

I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Nor do I own Jackie Chan Adventures or any of its affiliates…If you don't know what I mean by Jackie Chan Adventures then you either haven't seen the series, or you aren't paying close enough attention!

_**REVIEW. That's all I have to say…**_

_**In Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View:**_

'If I'm talking, it looks like this.' If not, I'm just thinking it.

_Italics mean words spoken in Japanese_

_It also is used as word emphasis. _

* * *

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - At her apartment at night**

Yes, oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, oh yes…OH YES!

I'm going to see Orochi!

I'm going to see the Snake Sannin!

I finished the first Exam and now comes the Forest of Death.

I've got the best jutsus in existence.

Time to put "Operation: Snake Bait" into action.

I find Team Seven, tempt Orochimaru off of Sasuke with my gob-smackingly awesome techniques, then I play "Hard-to-Get" for the rest of the Naruto series.

He should come around about before the start of Shippuden.

…

Boy, I've got a hell of a long wait.

But I'm not done.

Orochimaru is, in essence, a bench mark for strength/power of a character in the series. Very few Shinobi have the power to best him, such as Itachi, Shippy-Sasuke and Pein.

I'm not sure The Third Hokage, Tsunade or Jiraiya count since he only defeats The Third with the use of The First and Second, and that when he fights the other Sannin his arms are sealed and he has Kabuto's help.

But I digress. Almost all other ninjas in the series can't match his abilities. Therefore, to beat him, or even just come up to his level, proves that you have attained a level of skill and power that eclipses nearly all other Shinobi.

I just have to fight him.

Just to get the chance to do so fills me with pure excitement. The kind you get when you're about to do something possibly life threatening. Or, in this case, _extremely_ life-threatening.

I should be fearing for my life.

He's a murderer, he's psychotic and then there's the worst possibility of all…

He could be a paedophile.

Or gay.

If he is, then there is almost no point to my existence here.

Still, I'm going to fight him. And when I mean fight, I mean really beat him up and down and around the forest.

I really don't know whether it will help me to build a positive association with him, but he is the only person who I can really test out my techniques against.

There's Itachi, but…he's just too good.

* * *

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Parameter of the Forest of Death the next morning**

I spent all of last night preparing for today. I decided I'm not eating anything that lives in that Forest of Dead Genins. I thought up a sneaky, brilliant plan for my basic survival.

I have an extra Kunai pouch. One full of Kunai's, the other some supplies from my backpack: A bag of Trail-mix nuts/dried berries and two packets full of my favourite sweets, "Gummi Snakes" (Extra Chewy).

The Trail-mix shall serve as my main food source and the "Gummi Snakes" I can use for when I need to boost my blood sugar level quickly in an emergency. (1)

I'm also carrying a full bottle of icy cold water that I chilled last night, eliminating the need for me to locate a suitable supply of water in the forest.

Ok, it's not sustainable over a long period of time but it's not like I'll be in the forest for days. With my speed jutsu, I'll be able to get both scrolls and reach the tower in a day and a night, tops, if the fight with Orochimaru goes my way.

This morning I had dressed in the clothes I'd worn yesterday, including my cobra necklace. I decided to leave my watch behind. I was going to be fighting a high level ninja; there was no way I was going to have one of my most treasured possessions damaged beyond repair.

I did a speedy run through of all my jutsus until I had them ready and perfected in my mind. I'd also done some warn-up exercises that had been shown to me by Gai and Lee. I'd readied myself for anything.

Just like before, Lee had picked me up, praising my efforts in the first exam and I doing the same. Gai had given us the speech and then I had followed Team Gai to the 44th Training ground of forbidden-ness.

We saw the place ages before we'd actually reached the gates.

The trees had grown to an impossible height, creating a huge, dark canopy that cast a shadow that reached far beyond the forest's boundaries. Moss and lichen covered most of the lower hanging braches, which twisted off into long weaving shapes in the shadows. The ground was bare except for a few grassy patches; no sunlight could negotiate its way through the leaves of the tallest trees.

A fence twice as tall as me had been set up all around this island of forest. Signs covered almost every inch of it. Some new and red, others those colours had faded away after years exposed to the elements. All of them say basically the same thing: "KEEP OUT", "NO ENTRY" and "TRESSPASSERS WILL BE EATEN, KILLED, MURDERED, EXTERMINATED AND EATEN AGAIN. SURVIVERS WILL THEN BE PROSSECUTED".

Team Gai had soon moved off to another area to plan some strategies, leaving me further back to look around the place. Near all of the teams were present. Naruto's group hadn't arrived, but I wasn't really bothering with them. I was trying to find Orochimaru's team.

Finally through the triplets of Genin teams, I saw something. A person standing with a group of serious looking ninja, way too old to be Genin. To the far left of me, close to the fence, stood a tall person with long, charcoal-black hair that reached the middle of their back; which could just be seen from under a large, straw cone-shaped hat. They wore a long, segmented tunic the colour of cream with shiny, skin-tight black pants and black closed heel _zori_. Underneath the tunic, the person wore a black top with long sleeves and a turtle-neck collar. But the most striking feature of their attire was an immense woven purple rope, wrapped around their mid-drift forming a large bow behind their back.

It's HIM!!! Orochimaru! I can actually SEE him! OROCHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm hyperventilating! Or having a heart attack. But at this point, I don't care!

He turned.

And I remembered.

The person, that is Orochimaru, the Snake Sanin, the Doom-bringer of Konoha…was…was…

It was the saddest thing for an Orochimaru fan-girl to see.

He looks like Michael Jackson.

The face is supposed to be a woman's. And he's supposed to have a woman's form. But he doesn't. With that face and that body, he is jammed right on that thin line that crosses between male and female, making him look like neither. Without a doubt, he picked the ugliest, most grotesque face to steal for himself. Kishimoto did him absolutely no favours by giving him that freaky ninja's face.

It is so freaking hard to try and tell people that Orochimaru isn't Michael Jackson. _He's Jackson and Voldemort's son, he's related to Michael Jackson, he's the Michael Jackson of the Anime world_…_THAT FACE_ DOES **NOT** HELP TO DISCOURAGE THESE UNFOUNDED ACCUSASIONS!!!!!

New plan.

I'm going to make damn well sure I rip that god-awful face off and expose his real one.

Plus, that female voice he uses makes him sound like a…

'Aright people, listen up!'

Anko's here already? Where's Team Seven?

I scoot ahead through the scattered Genin teams. Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke have been standing by the front this whole time. And Orochimaru's team is behind them.

'What is this place?' Naruto was staring at the danger signs that decorated the fence.

'This is where the Second exam will take place. The 44th training area, also known as the Forest of Death.'

"The Something of Death" is so overused as a title. Why not the "Forest of Eternal Peril" or the "Forest of Certain Calamity"?

A hollow, rustling sound draws my attention downwards.

A yellowish, rectangular shaped box, painted to resemble a rock with peep-holes in the front squeaks passed me and advances carefully passed the other ninja towards Team Seven.

Naruto turns towards the anomaly and, as if knowing, the box comes to a halt.

He stares at it with total suspicion written on his face.

He turns and strolls away from the box. It follows behind him.

He turns again and walks away. It follows again.

In quick succession, Naruto bolts from right to left and back again, the box galloping behind him, keeping up the pace.

He screeches to a halt suddenly and the box comes a rest in front of him.

He points a finger in theatrical defiance at the object. 'That is so obvious! Rocks aren't square like that!'

A blinding, white light shines from the box, illuminating the area in a retina-scarring glow. I shut my eyes.

A boom like a small cannon goes off and smoke falls over everyone.

From the midst of the wreckage, small and very loud figures emerge.

Moegi, Konohamaru and Udon let out a chorus of Power Ranger-like introductions.

Oh, my Kami.

Now I have to put up with the stupid freaking interviews.

WHY WON'T YOU LET ME JUST FIGHT OROCHIMARU?!?

I'M SO FREAKING CLOSE!

I DON'T NEED THIS CRAP!!!

'We came here on a story.' Moegi smiling up at Naruto, Udon confirming it with a 'Yes, yes.'

'Story?' Came Naruto's confused voice.

'We were asked to do an exclusive story on the Chuunin selection exam, for our school newspaper.' Konohamaru explained.

'Hey! What are you doing?!' Anko barging over to the group of ninja.

Naruto answered, 'Konohamaru wants to do an exclusive for his school newspaper or something…'

Anko stopped, staring, then shutting her eyes in over-the-top embarrassment, 'Oh, yes! I forgot. _Hokage-sama_ mentioned something like that.'

'You forgot?' Naruto sweat-dropping in time with me.

I need to talk to someone before I go mad.

I can't stand for half an hour while they blurt on about garbage.

Where's Lee? He still tolerates my presence…

I look over to Orochimaru's group. They're as ridged and as motionless as ever.

They wouldn't take notice of me. I'm of no importance to them.

For now…

Konohamaru and crew drag Team Seven, leading with Naruto, off to the side lines.

I continue to stare at the back of Orochimaru.

I can't wait to hear his voice. His proper voice. I'll just melt all over the forest floor.

I must be seriously weird.

First I went fan-girl over Vegeta in my Dragon Ball Z days, and ever since my brother introduced me to Naruto, I'll become completely infatuated with Orochimaru.

I've read all of his on-line biographies, including Wikipedia; collected hundreds of images of him from Goggle and Bing, I've even asked for some Orochimaru cosplay earrings for Christmas.

When did it all start?

Oh yeah…Target sale.

Mum had taken us both to Target during one of their sales drives. My brother had rushed right off to the toy section as soon as Mum said he could go. I had to follow him.

After rows of Bakyugan toys, Barbie accessories, plush novelties and board games, I had managed to move him down to the row closest to the books section. On the last shelf stood three Zabuza swords, a miniature Haku figurine and a 30 cm tall Orochimaru figure, complete with snake summonings and his long slippery tongue.

All of the toys were selling for a bargain price of $5.00.

My brother recognised the Naruto insignia on all of the items and snatched up a Zabuza sword before I could say no. I just knew he would spend the rest of the week beating me over the head with it while I tried to do my homework. Unfortunately, it was only five dollars and he had his wallet with him so he was definitely going home with it.

At that time, I knew less than nothing about Naruto but I had five dollars to spare anyway and I thought I might as well go home with something too. I didn't want a Zabuza sword because my brother would steal it and beat me over the head with TWO swords. The Haku figurine was too small to be worth the money, and the Orochimaru figure…

I asked my brother who he was. He said he was a villain. I had hoped he'd be a good guy, because the slightly freakish ones are always evil. So cliché.

Either way, I bought him.

That night on the computer, I typed up "Orochimaru" on Google and Youtube.

And I basically went mad after that.

If that isn't a fixation, then I don't know what is.

Hold the phone…Konohamaru and his gang are heading off…Yes! The stinking interviews re finally over! Thank _Kami_; they didn't actually last 20 minutes like in the filler episode.

The Good, the Bad and the Fan-girl move back to the front of the fence surrounding the forest.

I stare at the back of Orochimaru's head. I'm coming for you…

…

Holy Crap, I'm starting to think exactly _like_ him _about_ him.

'This sure is a creepy place.' Sakura's voice cracking in distress.

At the sound of her voice, a smirk snaked its way across Anko's face, 'You will be able to experience why this place is called the Forest of Death.'

Even from the back, I could see Naruto's form straighten and see him stick out his arse.

Naruto mockingly repeated Anko in a pathetic sing-song voice, '_You will be able to experience why this place is called the Forest of Death_.'

Numa Numa Dance everybody.

He dropped the sing-song voice, 'There's no point in trying to scare us like that!'

Launching a finger out at Anko, 'I'm not scared at all!'

Anko closed her eyes and her face took on a child-like smile, 'Really? You sure are energetic.'

She drew a kunai, pulling her arm back and threw it at Naruto.

The kunai skimmed his cheek, earning a thin slit of blood.

It flew onwards, cutting off a sliver of Orochimaru's hair before embedding in the ground.

He remained completely motionless.

Then came an eerie cold chill that sent tingles through my body.

Cold, hate-filled malice emanating from were he's standing.

He is mad.

Anko had appeared from behind Naruto in a flash, pulling him close and licking his cheek. The smile on her face was intense and unwavering

'Kids like you are quickly killed,' her sadistic voice reaching out through the crowd 'Spraying that red blood I love…' Then she glanced to the left and whipped another kunai from the sleeve of her overcoat.

There was the Grass ninja… Orochimaru. He had vanished into nothing right in front of my eyes.

He's really fast.

The Grass ninja appearing right behind her, the kunai in the ground gone and now held by his tongue.

'I just wanted to return the kunai to you, miss.'

I couldn't see the expression on their faces.

But even with his tongue being used to hold the kunai, I could hear Orochimaru perfectly.

Why hadn't Anko ever noticed his tongue? He was her sensei; she must have seen his tongue at some point. There's no one else in Naruto who has a tongue like his.

'Why thank you.' Anko said, taking back the kunai. Orochimaru's tongue receding into his mouth. 'But you know,' Anko continued, 'Don't sneak up on me like that… unless you want to die.'

Orochimaru chuckled.

'No…I just get excited when I see that red blood. Besides, you cut my precious hair, I couldn't help myself.' Purring in the woman's voice.

'Sorry about that.' Anko said. She turned around, releasing Naruto in the process.

Orochimaru turned around slowly and began to walk back towards his "team", while a freaked out Sakura dashed out of his path. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Hinata shiver fiercely.

Anko was back on the centre stage. 'Looks like we have some blood thirsty ones in this test… this should be fun! Hehe…' she chuckled to herself.

'Now! Before we start the second test there is something I need to pass out.' A hand dipped into her large trench coat. From it, she lifted up a stack of papers. 'You must sign these agreement forms.'

'What?' Well, at least Naruto is acting like himself.

'There will be deaths in this one!' Anko laughed. 'And if I don't have you sign these, it will all be my responsibility! I'm going to explain the second test, and then I'm going to pass these out for you to sign. Then each team will check into that booth behind me.' She handed the stack of papers to Naruto, signifying that he should take on and pass it on.

The forms began passing from hand to hand as the pile moved around the groups. Over the many shoulders, I watched as Orochimaru's team each take one just like the rest.

Finally I grabbed one. Most of it, to me is gibberish, but I understand the concept of signing on the dotted line.

'I'll now explain the second test,' She said once everyone got one, 'Simply put, you'll attempt the ultimate survival test. First I'll explain the area in which this test is taking place. Around Practice Arena NO. 44 are 44 locked gates. Forest, river and the tower are at the centre. From the gates to the tower are about 10km. During the survival test in here you will be asked to complete a certain task. Using your many weapons and jutsu you will compete in a…'

Then came a dramatic pause. 'No rules scroll battle.'

'Scroll?' someone from the crowd asked.

'Yes…' Anko said, 'You will fight over these two scrolls, the "Heaven" and "Earth". There are 80 people here, meaning there are _technically _27 teams.'

Technically? Way to go, Anko. Tell everybody I'm on my own and the easiest to kill. Don't do me any favours.

'Under normal circumstances, half the teams, thirteen, would get the heaven scroll, and the other half, thirteen, would get the earth scroll. An even number of both scrolls in the exam. However, since there are an uneven number of teams this time, there will be one extra scroll.'

'To pass this test….' She lifted the scrolls up to her face in one hand. 'Your team must make it to the tower with both scrolls.'

Hmm…I'll either have to steal Orochimaru's or find an unimportant team and take theirs, depending on what scroll I get.

'So thirteen teams will loose their scrolls.' Came Sakura's voice. 'Half the teams will definitely fail.'

'But there's a time limit. This second test will last 120 hours, exactly five days.'

'Five days!' someone shouted.

'What about dinner!?' Came an anguished cry from someone further up.

Poor Chouji.

'You're on your own,' Anko sighed, 'The forest is full of food, just watch out for man-eating beasts, poisonous insects, poisonous plants…And thirteen teams passing is not likely. As the time goes on, the distance to the goal becomes longer, and the time to rest becomes shorter. And the area is crawling with enemies. You won't have much time to sleep.'

Ok, so the general rule is, if you see someone, kill them.

'So not only will some fail by loosing the scroll,' Anko continued, 'But some will die from the harshness of the course.'

She lifted her hand so they could all see, 'I'll now go over what can disqualify you.'

Jeeze, even death isn't enough in this game.

She pointed one finger, 'First, those that don't make it to the tower within the time limit.'

I smirk. No worries there.

Two fingers, 'Second, those that lose a team-mate or have team-mate killed. As a rule, there is no quitting in the middle; you will be in the forest for five days. And one more rule, you must NOT look inside the scroll while you make it to the tower.'

'What happens if you do?' Naruto asked, scrunching his face up as if imagining the worst.

A thousand years bad juju, that's what you'll get.

'There will be a surprise for anyone who does.' Anko said, winking. Creepy. 'A Chuunin will be asked to handle classified information, this is a test to test your trustworthiness. That is it for explanations.'

'Exchange the three forms for your scroll. Then choose a gate and get ready for the start. And one more piece of advice. Don't die.'

I don't plan to.

I look down at the paper. How the crap can I write my hand without a pencil or something? The one thing I forgot to bring. Stupid…

What am I supposed to use?

Well, I guess…I could use my blood…but that's just freaky.

Oh, heck. If I waste any more time I'll fall behind.

Crap, crap, crap…

I take a kunai out of the "kunai" pouch and look between it and my hand.

I don't want to do this. It'll hurt forever and it'll be really freaking annoying if I get dirt in it.

Aww, smeg.

I put the paper in my mouth and hold it with my lips so that the paper doesn't get wet. I start to scratch the top of my knuckles with the weapon.

'Ouch!'

A tiny drop of blood runs down my hand.

Ow, freaking ow! Buggering… stupid!

How the freak do I write with blood?

Ah…

I dip my thumb nail into the cut until blood covers it. Wiping the kunai on my pant leg, I place the paper on the ground and write out the _katakana_ for my name.

Messily and badly.

The page now has dollops of blood on it and my name written scratchily in red _katakana_.

I suck on my knuckles. A salty rusty taste meets my taste-buds.

I pick up the paper and begin walking over to the booth.

…

My hand hurts.

…

My hand hurts.

…

My hand hurts.

…

This is getting a little redundant.

Looking up at the booth at the fence, one of the Jounin or Chuunin at the booth drew back the curtain and yelled, 'It's about time to exchange the scrolls.'

I wait behind in the queue to exchange the paper for a scroll.

I look at the group waiting teams in front of me. He's not here

I look behind at the finished teams.

There he is…

Oh, UGLY…

My eyes hurt.

I can see the front of him, her, from here.

Yep, Michael Jackson face. The He/She face. I squint my eyes to see better.

Those episodes were he fights Sasuke in the Forest of Death are the worst, most badly drawn scenes in the history of Anime. In most of the shots of him, Orochimaru's eyes aren't even focused.

Worst of all, there's the bit where Sasuke grabs him from above and he hit his head on the tree branch.

That made my eyes mentally bleed. I wonder if he did that on purpose to freak out Team Seven.

Certainly freaked me out…_brr_…

His/her eyes are focused to the front. He's already gotten his Heaven Scroll.

…

…

…

…

HOLY S**T, HE'S LOOKING RIGHT AT ME!!!

* * *

***Third Person Point Of View* - Outside of the Forest of Death**

After Anko's announcement, Genin teams had signed off their lives on the papers and began to slowly migrate off to the booth to exchange it for a scroll and a shot at becoming a Chuunin.

Many had hesitated, many others had shrugged it off with the certainty that they would not fail in the test and were confidant in their own powers.

However, two of these teams were not Genin.

One member of these "teams" was not even a woman.

Orochimaru had arrived on the scene sporting the face of a once-alive Grass ninja. His escort; as he would certainly not have ever referred to them as his team, and taken the forms of a Genin team who had hoped to compete in the Chuunin Exams, whose bodies now lay mangled by some graves.

But it wouldn't be too long before their bodies were found and the alarm went out.

He would be gone by then.

He had quickly spotted the Uchiha at the front and, although he didn't want to appear suspicious, he positioned himself behind his team.

His little Anko had given the blonde loudmouth quite a scare, but when he felt the tug and snap as a lock of his hair came apart he had to stop himself from slitting both their throats.

He had wondered whether Anko would remember him. Her eyes had widened when she had seen his tongue, but her gazed clouded over and she brushed passed him. From his reckoning, she didn't want to remember.

Yet all through that time, he could feel someone's eyes on him. Kabuto was standing a little further in front of him and wouldn't, if he valued his life, make any contact with him whatsoever.

He had waited until one of his followers had retrieved a scroll for their papers before he had reached out to find out who was giving him so much attention. He felt the person further back in the group.

They were alone. No other people stood with them.

Kabuto had mentioned this person to them. A female Sand Genin, about 18 years old by his reckoning, had entered the Chuunin Exams without any team-mates. Apparently, the conditions of her arrival in the Leaf village were highly classified. Kabuto had promised to look into it as soon as the 2nd test was completed.

She had been staring at him ever since Anko had started talking.

Kabuto had also mentioned that she seemed to know who he was. He had said he had never seen her before and his memory was photographic.

This could only mean she wasn't a Sand ninja. Every Sand ninja, regardless of rank, had been listed and accounted for, in preparation for the Leaf invasion. Nor was she registered as a missing-nin or in the Bingo book.

Yet if she wasn't a Sand ninja, how did she know Kabuto? Orochimaru was wondering himself how much she knew and where her alliances lay.

He had caught sight of her when she had moved up to hand in her scroll. She was exactly as Kabuto had described. Long, brown hair, pale complexion, very tall and stout for her age.

Then, as though she had known he was now the one looking at her, she turned towards him.

Both their eyes met.

In a flash, her eyes had widened in both shock and recognition and all her muscles visibly tightened.

Without another sign, she turned around on the spot and broke eye contact with him, still shaking slightly.

Curiosity had seeped into him at that look.

If she survives the Exam, he thought, he should pay her a visit.

* * *

***Saiyan's Point Of View* - Outside of the Forest of Death**

He looked at me!!!

_He __**looked**__ at __**meeeeeeeeeee**__!!!_

He knew I was looking at him! He's worked it all out! He's going to kill me because I know he's actually him.

Oh f**k, I don't know whether I'm deeply disturbed or seriously overjoyed.

Don't look back, or he'll know that I know who he is! He can't kill me until we're inside the forest. Murdering me now would break his cover. Once inside the gate, I'll use all of my jutsus, thus preventing him from killing me and helping me to impress him.

…

…_Jeeze, such an__** ugly **__face_…

…

The line of ninjas ahead vanishes and the booth is right in front of me.

I hand the blood-splattered paper to the Chuunin. He reaches under and gives me a scroll, without so much as a word.

The scroll is a pale crème with the "Heaven" kanji upon it.

It's the same one Orochimaru has. Damn, that means I can't take his. Now I'll have to waste more time running around the forest, trying to take an Earth scroll from a team that doesn't matter to the storyline.

Suddenly Anko shouts. 'If you have received a scroll, follow the person in charge and move to your designated gates. We will begin in thirty minutes!'

'_Cough, cough…cough_!'

Freaking hell that scared me! I nearly choked on my own spit.

She needs some practise with her volume control.

Wait, I don't know which gate I'm supposed to enter through.

Better ask the crazy exam proctor.

I walk pass the teams as they slowly migrate to the large gates.

OK, say something polite yet demanding of an answer.

'Hey, Anko?'

_Perfect. _

The purple-head turns to me in annoyance, then her faces breaks into another of her trademark slightly creepy smirks.

'Well, I didn't actually think you'd show up today.'

I quirk an eyebrow at her. 'If the giant, scarred mass-murderer didn't scare me in the first exam, then a forest full of crazy people won't, either.'

…Maybe I should test the waters

'And anyway, what's up with what you did to Naruto? If anything you should have stuck the kunai in the face of that ugly man-lady in the straw hat.'

…_I called Orochimaru a man-lady…he, he, he…so naughty _

She frowns. 'What does it matter to you? You have a thing for the kid?' She asks mischievously.

'No, MY issues lie with the freak-of-nature who wanted to join in the scuffle. But that's really not the problem now. Which gate am I supposed to go through?'

She snorts and half turns around. 'Follow me.'

She starts to walk of around the gates. I follow, passing teams as we go.

11…12…13…14…

Orochi's at 15!

Anko walks passed the menacing group, glaring at the "woman" who has her back turned to her. Seeing as how it's useless of me to try and not stare, I sneak a glance at Orochimaru.

From under the straw hat, the woman's freakish black eyes follow me as I move on with Anko.

Oh yeah, total doom.

Eventually, we stop at a gate with no one at it. The sign above reads: Gate 27.

A Chuunin comes up from behind Anko and she turns to him. 'Open up the gate.'

The Chuunin moves passed her and pulled out a key, inserting it into the padlock.

Anko turned to walk away. She paused. 'Seeing as how you'll most likely die, I won't say, "See yah".'

'I'll get through this, don't you worry.'

'Whatever you say.'

Anko starts walking back the way she came.

Orochi is mine!!!

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…

…

A cry broke the still air.

'We will now begin the Chunin selection second exam!'

The gates swung open.

'Go.'

I bolt into the open gate. As soon as I step forward, there's a creak and a slam of the gate behind me.

Mossy ground in front and darken trees above me.

Jutsu time!

_Rat, Bull, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, Pig._

_Rat, Bull, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, Pig._

_Rat, Bull, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake!_

_**Invisibility!**_

_Rat, Bull!_

_**Super strength!**_

_Rat, Bull, Tiger, Rabbit!_

_**Super speed!**_

**I'm ready to fight!!! **

I shove a hand into the "Food" pouch and pull out a fist full of Gummi Snakes. I jam then into my mouth and try to chew and breathe, almost succeeding.

Now, it's finally time to fight Orochimaru and stop Sasuke's emo coward trip!

…

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…

Now where are Team Seven?

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**AW, CRAP!!!**

* * *

* * *

**Dear God, I am never going to be able to finish this. Please rate well this took over six days to write! Next comes the fight in the Forest of Death! Sorry about not having any Naru/Hina. Me so tired…**

**Does anybody notice that some people begin to write a Orochimaru fic and then remove it from FFN? Why do people do that? Some of those were really good **

**(1) I did this during my exams. Having a chocolate bar or something very sugary before a long exam keeps up your blood sugar level throughout a prolonged period. It really works!**

*****_NEW SECTION!_*****

Snake-based ramblings:

_**A Snake in Women's Clothing? :**_

**Has anybody else considered the fact that Orochimaru was inhabiting a women's body for the duration Chuunin Exams and a little while before that? A few fan fiction writers have considered that he may have been experiencing, at the time, a few female **_**complications.**_** Mainly a bad case of PMT. Who wouldn't laugh at the idea of an emotional, chocolate craving Orochimaru? Going from strangling Kabuto to sobbing on his shoulder a moment later? Her body must have affected him some how…**


	13. Death Forest 2: Scrolls are Edible

I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Nor do I own Jackie Chan Adventures or any of its affiliates…If you don't know what I mean by Jackie Chan Adventures then you either haven't seen the series, or you aren't paying close enough attention!

_**REVIEW. That's all I have to say…**_

_**In Saiyan's Point Of View:**_

'If I'm talking, it looks like this.' If not, I'm just thinking it.

_Italics mean words spoken in Japanese_

_It also is used as word emphasis. _

_And in this case, lyrics to a "Fall Out Boy" song*_

_**Italics and Bold are used for jutsus**_

**And ranting.**

* * *

***3****rd**** Person Point Of View* - Inside the Forest of Death**

The air trapped down near the forest floor was thick but chilly, yet bordering on humid for the higher growing branches; ripe conditions for the various insects and reptiles that required a boost in thermal body temperature before they could hunt. The darkness that clung around the bases of the forest's giant behemoths was so complete it was like moving about at night, minus the stars or the moon or any other object that could provide a source of light.

The night-time conditions in the forest weren't any better. By the time night came in, the forest grew horrendously cold, and the darkness was almost as blinding as the Sun. The freezing temperatures sent most of the vicious creatures like the snakes of the day back into their holes, leaving the forest's tiger population to begin prowling the forest boundaries until dawn.

Traveling through the forest on the ground was seriously unwise, and to avert tragedy, all of the Genin teams made sure to move across the trees, hopefully out of the reach of both the forest's nasty inhabitants and the rival Genin teams. Even this wasn't a sure-fire solution. There is always a chance of a problem occurring, especially when you're flying across the branches of huge trees at break neck speed, stories above the forest floor while being pursued/chased or close to being eaten by wild beasts or other ninjas.

Sadly, a certain extent of cannibalism had been apparent in a few of the Chuunin Exams. There were some really messed up Rain-ninjas at one time…

Regardless…

Concealing one's own team and one's own self from any other hostile beings was the key to surviving the Forest of Death.

Unfortunately, the scroll challenge made this rule all the harder to obey. Teams would be forced to meet and clash to collect the necessary scrolls. Sneak attacks during the night were the safest bet, some teams even tailing other teams for almost the whole 5-days duration until they got both scrolls and then swiped them. One team launching a head-to-head assault on another team was an act of desperation and always had dramatic consequences. One reason why the Forest of Death exam was so effective in lowering the numbers of participants.

The fact was that the second part of the Chuunin Exams tested the capabilities and skill of a ninja team as a whole, against the elements, the natural environment and enemy Shinobi. The Forest of Death had been the testing area for this since the diplomatic arrangement of the Hidden Villages Chuunin Exams came into existence.

However, this exquisite piece of _Konohagakure_ history was completely absent from the mind of a rather flustered young woman dashing around

* * *

*Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Cock-up City (Forest of Death)

"F**k, f**k, f**k!"

I fly past monumental tress, jumping and skimming over their giant roots. I can only hear the air rushing past my ears.

I made three stops, changing my direction each time. I haven't worked out quite how to turn at these speeds. By the time I see an object, I practically reach it. But I can't stop unless I urgently need to.

I haven't seen any other ninjas, most likely because they can't see me.

But I don't really care who the hell sees me.

I can't f**king find them!

This is the biggest cock-up I could ever imagine.

Team Seven are out in the forest, and I wouldn't know where they were unless they were five centimetres in front of nose.

It's the fact that I don't know how to sense their arse-ing chakra that really makes me want to tear off someone's something.

They could be anywhere! This forest is huge.

Orochimaru could be long gone by the time I find Team 7.

I stop.

I press myself into the trunk.

Five deep breaths…

Now…

First, Naruto goes to relieve himself, and the snorkeled ninja poses as him and is defeated by Sasuke. Then Sasuke proposes the password. Naruto runs off, Orochimaru comes disguised as Naruto while a snake eats Naruto.

But that doesn't really help me in my present situation.

I'm not exactly in a position to do anything about it.

I look up. The tree reaches up to heights taller than the main building of my high school.

No. Like hell I'm going to climb a fifty-foot tree.

I grab my drink bottle and take a huge swig. Gummi stuffs always leave you very thirsty.

I shouldn't panic.

Orochimaru doesn't reach Team Seven until…well…technically the third Forest of Death episode…or was it the fourth?

Realistically, I think Orochimaru reached them at about the mid-afternoon and then bites Sasuke and leaves as the sun is setting. That's just my estimation.

So I'm basically free in the forest for hours. Try saying that three times fast.

And I left behind my watch at the apartment…

Maybe instead of finding Team Seven, I should look out for Orochi's goon squad and just tail them.

But I don't know where they are, either…

That still means that unless I actually find Team Seven, I can kiss a large majority of my plan goodbye.

Hey…

Orochimaru blows a big gust of wind to separate Naruto from the group so he can pose as him. In the anime, the gust was so big and so loud you saw it from high above all the trees and could probably hear it from halfway across the forest.

Hell, I don't need to run around to find them. I'll just wait for the big bang.

Once I hear that, I'll know where they are and I can drop in on them, as quick as a flash. I might be able to reach Orochimaru before he disguises himself as Naruto, and save myself from being in the most badly drawn Naruto episode of them all.

But I can't wait! I've been in the Leaf Village about a week; I've waited all this time just to catch a look at him.

I mean, the chance to be killed by Legendary Sannin. Who wouldn't be excited?

But seriously…

Wouldn't anyone want to be a part of this upcoming fight?

I scratch my arm along the black tattoo. Its been tingling and itching ever since I stepped into this crazy doom forest. With my luck, there's some form of parasitic insect currently burrowing under my skin to lay its eggs in my flesh.

I'll continue onwards for a little while longer. Maybe I'll bump into them without having to use the explosion to locate them.

I might as well just continue in the direction I was going.

But at a less vomit-inducing pace. Running for too long at the speeds I'm reaching doesn't do any favours for one's digestive tract.

Plus, I need to save my energy. This is going to be my first proper, quite-possibly-to-the-death ninja battle. EVER. With Orochimaru.

Taking one step at a time, and going at a brisk, more normal pace, I carefully resume ducking through the braches and roots of the trees moving off into the deeper parts of the forest.

* * *

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Forest of Death, Time unknown, possibly an hour or so later. No sighting of Orochimaru/Team Seven. **

This is a big forest. I mean, "Nation park" big. And twice as dangerous to explore.

I've been hearing some weird noises from around the place, most too hard to accurately distinguish. Mostly screams, I reckon. No animal calls, oddly, though most likely because the snakes and insects are silent hunters.

Pitting a Genin team against silent ambush predators would be a better test of their abilities. There would be no warning if one attacked them.

Apart from the scattered sounds of other ninjas, I've encountered absolutely no one else. I'm not being followed, or if I am, they're really good at hiding.

There's also something else.

I'm worried about Kabuto.

I've probably done something very stupid by talking to him. I've raised his suspicious about me, and he's probably already informed Orochimaru. And there's no limit to how far Kabuto will go to find out something for Orochi.

And no one knows exactly where Kabuto gets to during the first half of the Forest of Death exam…

But if he can't see me, he can't follow me…though he can still guess.

But he is a problem I will have to face after the exam.

I stop suddenly.

I've messed around with things so much. So many things have already been altered simply by me being here.

What if Kabuto doesn't drop out after the before the third exam preliminaries? I might have to fight him. Or someone else that another character was supposed to face. This could mess up the whole outcome of the Chuunin Exams. Even worse, change what happens during the Sound/Sand invasion, or when Gaara releases _Shukaku_.

I've got to lower my profile. **Really **lower it.

No more using my knowledge just to wow everybody. It's time to play stealthy. And time to practise looking shocked when something "unexpected" happens. From now on, I'm your average Genin ninja, oblivious to the greater purpose of everything going on.

Except where Orochimaru is concerned.

Impressing him is the first step in achieving any of my plans. Okay, I'm definitely not telling him everything I know, I'm screwed beyond all redemption if I do. But if I tell him I know who he is, and that he is most definitely not a female of any sort, that's a step in the right direction.

Just a little tit-bit of information that's sure to impress him and, hopefully prevent Team Seven's prophesised collapse.

While I'm here, I must to do absolutely anything to stop Sasuke going off to Orochimaru. One, because _Shippuden_ Sasuke is utterly repulsive. Two, because it's better for both Sasuke and Naruto. The truth is simply; there is NO happy ending for Sasuke once he abandons Naruto and the Leaf Village. This way, he can be spared a few awful truths and can, at least, be entitled a life.

And three…I'm not sharing the Snake with anyone, especially not a medic prick or a bastard Uchiha-Sue.

I sigh. Sasuke is really not that bad. If I can, technically, stop history from repeating itself, then Sasuke might become a genuinely good person.

Small hope, realistically speaking.

* * *

***Third Person Point Of View* - Forest of Death**

Saiyan suddenly heard, and felt, a huge explosion of air blast through the trees. Dust blew up from the force of the wind, momentarily clouding her vision.

While she shielded her head with her arm, excitement began to pump through her greater than it had done even when Orochimaru had looked at her.

The blast had come from the right of her, quite a way away, but obviously close enough to feel the explosion from.

With a hack and a cough, she hurriedly wiped her eyes clear, and fixated her eyes on the direction from where the gust had came from. She went into a crouch as if preparing to sprint, but then hesitated for a second. She gazed at her arm again.

It was visible. She let out a sound that was something between a snarl and an exasperated groan.

She stood up again and brought her hands together, her face locked in concentration. She began to flash through a complicated series of handsigns, her face growing more frustrated as time trickled away. Her eyes flicked back and forth between the direction of the blast's origin and her hands as she tried to focus on her task and her only directional clue.

After what, to her, seemed like far too long, Saiyan finished her marathon jutsus, by now thoroughly infuriated and stressed. The only indication that she was still there was the noise of someone sucking water from a bottle.

She crouched and launched herself. Another enormous gust of air filled the clearing, before dieing down, leaving no sign of life.

* * *

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Forest of Death, Time unknown. Indicator of Orochimaru/Team Seven position received.**

Trees rush by in a furious blur.

My teeth are deadlocked together in anger.

A minute! I wasted a minute just after the blast had gone off! Just to restore my damn justsus!

How could they cut out now?!

Just after the blast!

After lasting an hour! A whole hour! And they all go now!!!

I jump straight over a low-hanging branch. There's a moment of nauseating flight before my feet hit the ground about a meter away.

Double freaking smeg!!!

I've lost them! My whole plan has all been shot down to hell!

'Sasuke?!'

I freeze. I stop breathing. Please Kami, was that…?

'What are you doing?!'

Sakura…?

It IS Sakura.

I've never been so happy to hear her whiny voice

They're HERE!

I start breathing again.

It's not all been shot hell…

'He got the password right!'

A darker voice joins in.

'Exactly.'

I crouch down, moving as quietly towards the voices as I can. By the two intertwined trees with the overlapping roots, up on a slight incline.

Counting steps. One, Two, Three…

'Do you really think Naruto could remember all that? And get it word for word? No…You'd have better luck teaching it to a hamster.'

Halfway there. Don't make a noise. Step on the moss. Avoid the rocks. Quietly. Five, Six, Seven…

A feminine voice oozing venom and honey slithers into the air.

'Aren't we the clever one?'

I nearly fall back down the slope. Nails digging into the dirt for needed grip, I couch under the exposed roots.

Very slowly. Lift your head. Prepare.

I place both hands onto the wood with the up most care. Using their support I raise myself into a sitting position above my cover.

Sasuke and Sakura…and Orochimaru.

Sasuke and Sakura standing with their backs right in front of me, and Orochi over on the other side of the clearing.

I dig my nails into the bark.

Orochimaru licks her lips.

Oh God.

I get to fight him. He's mine, he's mine…

Get ready. Get stoked for this. Think of some music. Fall Out Boy. Something you can put fast paced action to.

Dead On Arrival.

The Grass-nin draws a scroll.

She brings it to her mouth. Lifting her head right up, she holds the scroll with her hand while, her tongue wraps around it in a snake-like coil. Then she begins to push it in.

It sickeningly amazing.

The throat expands to boggling proportions and the jaws seem to unlock. Even though she pushes it deeper and saliva leaks from the corners of her mouth, the scroll seems to just disappear with ease right down.

Although their backs are turned to me, Sakura and Sasuke stiffen with horror and repulsion.

Come to think of it, what happened to the scroll? Did he actually eat it or did he spit it out when he left?

Or is it permanently in his stomach?

Orochimaru finishes his high-fiber snack.

One hand is covering his left eye.

The woman's voice whispers ill intent in a voice to low for me to catch.

His hand catches his eyelid and pulls down the skin. I know what there is to see. Erie, staring eyes and a brownish-green iris with a barely recognized slit pupil.

Something hits me.

An oppressive heat wave-like force, isolated to this very spot. It seems to brush against my mind and dissipate like thick fog, leaving a finger-thread headache in the back of my head.

Scentless incense. That clouds your mind in a haze that you can't shake off, but grows with each breath you inhale, until your sick and incapable to thinking straight.

The skin all over my body itches with a strange sensation.

Wha…

The Genjustu! His death vision Genjutsu!

That was it!

Was I hit? Too far away, maybe? Or did I get the aftershock?

I didn't see myself die.

No…that because it wasn't for me, wasn't _aimed_ at me. At Them.

Sasuke and Sakura have been struck full on. Sakura has completely crumbled and is sobbing hopelessly in despair. Sasuke is in a state of terrified shock but is still standing frozen, holding a kunai uselessly. Both can't look away from the awful creature before them.

Orochimaru, knowing very well their not going anywhere, purrs happy in his woman's voice.

When to intervene? Grab them as he throws the kunai knife? Wait for Naruto?

Now?

Ooooooooooohhh…I know when.

Heh, heh.

Perfect.

…_This is Side One. Flip me over. I know I'm not your favourite record…_

Orochimaru lifts up his left arm, holding two kunai. He rises slowly savouring each moment the two young genin don't respond.

Sasuke trembles even more.

With an almost lazy flick of the wrist, the Grass ninja lets the knives fly.

There is an explosion of motion from the shaky remainder of Team Seven's best genin.

Sasuke shoves the kunai in his hand into his thigh. Sakura is grabbed and the two disappear into the darkness of the canopy just moments after the two kunai embed themselves into the tree above me.

Leaving behind a splash of blood in his wake.

Orochimaru is still standing on the other side of the clearing with his hand outstretched.

He lowers it and walks slowly over to the crimson puddle. He stares at it thoughtfully for a few minutes. Then he cocks his head up at the darkness the young Shinobi ducked into. His eye flicker around.

I don't breath again.

They flicker over where I am.

They don't stay.

The woman smiles more broadly and puts her hand to together in a jutsu. She literally fades away into nothing.

READY!

I hoist myself effortlessly over the branch and run. Right up to the huge tree Sasuke jumped up. I take a small leap.

I reach the top branches of the tree's canopy.

My feet thunk down heavily on the wood. There's a moment of height-related nausea as I try to prevent myself from falling off the branch due to my unco-nature.

My head shoots around for Team Seven.

There!!!

Sasuke holding Sakura's mouth, him pressed against a trunk.

And a giant snake watching over them.

I kick up my heels and fly.

'_I know I'm not your favourite …'_

The snake flicks out it tongue. Sakura notices.

I shoot around the branches like lightning.

I stop on the branch they're on.

A strong gut of air follows my brakeage and whips up the braches of the trees.

I draw back my right fist.

The snake's nose I inches away.

I punch the reptile with all I've got.

There's a sickening crunch of bone.

The snake flies back from the force of the hit, its neck cracked back at too weird an angle to be anything but dead. It smashes into the nearby trees, breaking to the trunks and branches into splinters. Blood is leaking form its mouth and stained protrusions in its back tell me the bone is puncturing through it skin.

It doesn't move.

I did it!!! In ONE Punch!!! Down in ONE move!!!

And a brilliant entry!!!

_SO I'M WRITING YOU A CHORUS, AND HERE IS YOU'RE-_

'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

* * *

***Third Person Point Of View* - Forest of Death**

Now, Sasuke was going through what the ninja population would refer to as "fighting in a tag-team battle against Madara Uchiha and the First Hokage". One of his Team-mates was gone, presumed _kaputski_ and a freaky snake-lady had just shown him how he was going to die. He had also had to stab himself in order to save his own hide and that of his remaining, yet useless team-mate.

So when he just noticed a giant snake coming from behind him, his first idea was to completely freak out. Then when a gust of wind flew by bringing with it a noise that sounded like a weird sort of singing from an unseen being and the snake's head disappeared from what was, obviously, a neck snapping force, Sasuke's sanity was taking a cat nap under the circumstances.

Which is why he leapt forward towards the invisible cheering oddity and stuck a kunai in it.

* * *

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - (Insert your favourite swear-word here)**

I jump back in pain.

What the F**K!

The stare down at my leg.

There's a kunai sticking out of it.

I blow. COMPLETELY.

**_'Sasuke, you little ****!!! What the **** did you think you were doing!!! I'm here to save you, you little ****ing *******!!! How the hell dare you, you ****** brat!!!'_**

Sasuke knifed me!

The little idiot took his kunai and stuck it in my leg.

I'm bleeding, for goodness sake!

I retch the thing out of my leg. It didn't go in as far as Sasuke had stuck the other kunai in his leg. Not by half, in fact just the tip, really. But still…

I stare in rage in the shaken little bugger.

'You…owe me some of your _soul juice_ for this, Uchiha!'

Sasuke just stares, as does Sakura, at me. Finally he speaks, his voice still cracking in fear.

'_Saiyan-san?' _

'**Hell-freaking-yes**, you _baka_. Who do you think saved your arse from the big snake? '

A strange noise coming over from the snake's carcass stops the conversation.

An area of scales around its head region is cracking from the force of something under its skin pushing it up. As the skin splits, a cream coloured robe and a large purple bow appear from the gore.

A figure began to push itself up out of the snake.

It chuckled.

'I sense your fear and desperation…And yet…'

And yet?

Orochimaru stood, on all fours, out of the hole of the giant snake, covered in slime and ooze from the snake's innards. Her staring eyes gazing fixatedly toward us.

'There is one among you who resolve is steady. Isn't that right, my dear Sand _kunoichi_?'

He's talking to me.

All at once, I smile and I swell with something close to pride and exuberant joy. I grin broadly and turn to him. Forgetting my invisibility, I bow.

'There are many emotions you fill me with, but fear isn't one of them, _hebi_-nin.'

He lets off another snake-like chuckle. It really does sound like the 'Ku, ku, ku' he says in the manga. A dry laugh yet almost hissed through the teeth.

'Oh, but you should be. Prey are always fearful and must be on their guard…'

His eyes seem to glaze over into a wide open stare and a deranged look appears on her face.

'_In the presence of a predator!' _

His tongue, a full 12 inches of it, slip past his lips and wave in the air, tasting it.

There's a moment where we just stare at each other.

Suddenly, he shoots up the tree in the blink of an eye, as if he has lost all the bones from his waist and below. His legs and mid-drift wraps around the trunk and braches in a perfectly serpentine fashion. I only realise where he's going before he's a few meters.

He's charging toward me.

Two terrified gasps from around me are the only indication the of the easily forgettable presence of Sakura and Sasuke. I can't take my eyes off of Orochimaru

He speeds closer, slithering towards me on his belly, tongue out and smiling gleefully.

I shouldn't be afraid. Or at least, really worried. Strange…I'm only excited.

**Thu-Thunk.**

The Great Snake halts as suddenly as he started, his hair flying forward over his eyes momentarily before settling into its natural position.

Two kunai knifes have imbedded themselves in the tree branch between Orochimaru and me.

We're only a foot away from each other.

He gazes upward behind me.

I turn my head to see what I know will be up there.

Naruto Uzumaki proudly stares down at us, arms folded over his chest.

'Naruto!' Sakura declares joyfully in relief.

There was a perfectly inspiring silence.

'Oh by the way…what was the password again?'

Ruined, once again, in true knuckleheaded fashion.

I look back at Orochimaru.

'Looks like your snakes got you nowhere.'

He looks from Naruto back to me and back to Naruto. His face has lost all of its former deranged expression. Minato's son continues to bellow out his ranting speech.

'So beat it, snake lady, before I make a pair of shoes outta yah!' Naruto finishes grandly.

'**He's** not going anywhere…'

Everyone's eyes become fixated me.

'**What the hell!!! Is there a ghost around here or something?!'**

…minus Naruto.

'At least, not while Sasuke's here.'

The Grass-ninja just stares at me. Her eyes are wide and, for the first time, I can see the slit pupil contract in her dark brown-green eyes.

I look him right in his slit, serpent eye and smile as wide as I can.

'Isn't that right, _Orochimaru-san_?'

* * *

**Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Chinese New Year of the Tiger and anything else you care to celebrate! Yeah, it's late, but better than never. It's been a whole year since I started this story and I'm nowhere near finishing it. It might have bee more sensible for me to have written out the whole story first and THEN published it on FFN. But then I'd have probably never published it anyway, so this was probably the best option. **

**Geeze, you'd think you would have time to spare in the holidays, but I've got so much to do. And the temperature has been pushing 45 degrees for four days. I've never felt so lethargic. XP**

**It's been a very long time since my last chapter, but I hope that this chapter, for you, was well worth the wait! **

**Yes, I know I go from saying "he" to "she" from one sentence to the next. I'm trying to capture the idea that she knows he's male but, as far as what she sees, his body belongs to a woman.**

***Please don't come whining to me about how "Fall Out Boy" is emo music. I've heard it all before -__-**

*****_**NEW SECTION!**_*****

**Snake-based ramblings****:**

_**My Body is an Orphanage: **_

Orochimaru said that a little bit of his vessel's consciousness becomes a part of his whenever his takes over their body. So how much of Orochimaru's personality has been shaped by the souls of the people he has taken over? Or, more importantly, what happens to the people themselves went he takes them over. I remember when I saw the scene where Sasuke is in Orochimaru's soul transfer jutsu and you see all of the bodies that Orochimaru has taken. They look like there're asleep, but they're whole and not destroyed by the jutsu. I always thought: does Orochimaru consider taking over these people as fulfilling his promise of power? You could argue that as they become a part of him and their souls themselves are not destroyed by the jutsu, but stay a part of him with each new body, that Orochimaru sees his action as a altruistic one instead of a purely selfish one? That by becoming a part of him, they attain everything he promised? Also, the people he consumed looked like they were sleeping. Is it also possible that what they "dream" is what Orochimaru experiences? Do they become Orochimaru or does Orochimaru become them? I have my theories…


	14. A Decline in Quality MarySue Battles

I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Nor do I own Jackie Chan Adventures or any of its affiliates…If you don't know what I mean by Jackie Chan Adventures then you either haven't seen the series, or you aren't paying close enough attention!

_**REVIEW. That's all I have to say…**_

_**In Saiyan's Point Of View:**_

'If I'm talking, it looks like this.' If not, I'm just thinking it.

_Italics mean words spoken in Japanese_

_It also is used as word emphasis. _

_**Italics and Bold are used for jutsus**_

* * *

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Forest of Death**

For a moment, absoluately nothing happened. The world was on mute.

Team Seven are officially in shock.

And Orochimaru was staring at me.

Just staring.

No expression. Just the wide-eyed look of stunned surprise in his snake-like eyes.

I don't even dare move.

Another half second goes by.

Finally, the Grass ninja's face comes back to life.

His mouth slowly curls into a grin, one that seems to break his face in two. Then his head tilts back and he starts to laugh.

It's still his women's voice but it has that manic, sadistic edge that he only uses in moment of extreme insane delight. His laugh grows in volume until it bounces from tree to tree.

Behind me, comes a feminie whine of fear.

He stops.

He stares back at me, still smiling like his mouth is being physically pulled upwards.

'So you know who I am? I must say, I am quite surprised that anyone would be able work out my true identity…'

He tilts his head slightly and gazes at me pointedly with one eye.

'I would very much like to know **what else** you know about me?…'

Well, he asked…

'You're a _Sannin_, one of the Legendary _Shinobi_ of Konoha, the most intelligent and the most powerful of the Three. Your skills are only surpassed by your desire for knowledge and your murderous nature...'

I pause.

'But your _Henge_ is complete rubbish.'

His smile remains but he says nothing.

'You are, the only person, in ALL the Ninja Villages, to have a tongue as strong as someone's arm and as long as a fully-grown python. And besides, the Grass ninja's face you stole is awful. Not only is it far too similar to your face in terms of hair and face structure, but also neither she nor you have any even remotely feminie features like breasts or curved hips. You're both as flat as boards. Anyone could tell you aren't a woman.'

He is still smiling but his head is tilted down so he's staring up at me. His smile looks more dangerous now.

'Aren't you an observant child?'

He begins to unwind his body from the tree branch. His boneless legs regain their definition and finally he stands at his full height.

'But sadly, while your knowledge of me was very flattering, it really raises more questions than it answers.'

'**Who cares who you are?!'**

I actually jump at Naruto's sudden voice. I turn back towards Team Seven. Sakura still looks really shaken but Sasuke managed to regain a decent amount of composure. Naruto looks downright furious.

'I don't care that you're Orochi-whatever or that you're from Konoha! I'm still gonna beat the crap outta you for what you tried to do!'

'Naruto.'

The Uzumaki turns to look behind at Sasuke. Sasuke is fiddling with something behind his back, and after a moment, he produces Team Seven's Earth scroll.

'Here. We'll give you our scroll if you leave us alone.'

'What?!' cries Naruto

'Sasuke!' cries Sakura.

'Oh, cock…' I cough.

Orochimaru purrs quietly. 'Offering something the predator wants in order for the prey to save its own life…'

'That's not going to work Sasuke.' I say, fully turning towards him. 'He has no interest in the scroll. He's trying to get _you_.'

And I think everybody knows how wrong that sounds.

'He's trying to get your Sharingan.'

Everybody freezes.

I turn back to Orochi. He's only slightly smiling now.

'Ku, ku, ku…it is true I harbour an interest in the Uchiha's bloodline limit…I would like to know the full intent of its _powers…_'

I look back towards Team Seven. 'I want you guys to head off to the tower and get out of here. Never mind the scroll for now. I'll be dealing with Orochimaru.'

Naruto raises an instant objection.

'No way! We're not leaving you behind with this freak! I'm not running away from this fight.'

'Look, I don't want you to get hurt. And I'm not sure I can stop all of his attacks.'

'That doesn't matter! I don't leave my friends behind, and if you're going to fight then so am I, _Saiyan-chan_!'

'Sasuke told you it was me, didn't he?'

There's an abashed silence.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

'And what makes you think _**you**_are a match for_**me**__?…_'

I look back at Orochimaru. He's got a very deadly smile on his face. Eyes wide with a horrible smirk.

I takes me a minute to realise I'm smiling like that too.

'I don't know…I guess we'll just have to see, now won't we?'

I straighten my back and move to face him fully on.

'Tell you what. I'll go easy on you if you take off that bad excuse for a face and show me your real one.'

He brings his hands up to form the Tiger sign.

'If you're that confident in your abilities…perhaps it would be a better challenge for you to remove my face yourself…'

I put on foot behind the other in preparation for a run.

We stare at each other.

There is an almost mutual feeling between the two of us. The idea of a challenge fuelling the desire to fight but whereas he's relishing in the thought of a kill, I'm overcome with the excitement of a fight against him.

With every moment it grows on the inside, until it becomes a physical feeling…

Time…

To…

Go…

NOW!!!

In less than a quarter of a second, I'm across and the branch with my right fist embedded in his gut.

He lets out a choked, gargled scream. For a moment nothing happens.

An odd feeling comes across my hand. Almost as though his insides are getting mushier…

Mud splatters down the branch and all over my right arm, wetting my top.

Mud substitution. I actually smile wider. I knew he'd see that coming. Fantastic, this is going to be a great battle…

Cackling laugher echoes around the forest. 'Well, well…it does indeed seem that you do have some skills after all…_but have you ever fully experienced the true horrors of battle?_…'

A shadow covers the branch.

Sakura lets out a huge scream.

I turn to see Orochimaru atop other of his huge snake summoning barrelling towards us. I leap up as high as I can.

There's a whoosh of air and an overwhelming feeling of stomach-twisting airborne nausea. Just as my ascent begins to slow, I reach out for a branch.

My nail just catches on the wood before gravity begins to pull again.

The tree is too smooth to grip. I'm going to fall!

'Naruto!' I yell.

I let go of the branch.

Something grasps my arm.

I look up.

'Sakura?!'

The pinkette saved my life?!

Oh, god. How humiliating.

She strains to pull me back up onto the branch.

'How did you find me?'

'You screamed and I saw your nails digging into he wood.'

Getting me halfway onto the branch she exclaims, 'Why didn't you use your chakra to grab the branch?!'

'I was busy. But thanks for the catch.'

Standing slowly on the branch, I look back down.

The snake had smashed the branch I was on to pieces. Both Sakura and I are up pretty high, right above the snake. Naruto is pounding at it and being flicked away each time. Sasuke is nowhere in sight.

It almost the time when Orochimau Five-Pronged Seal's Naruto!

I turn to Sakura, in "absolutely dead serious" mode.

'Listen to me, Sakura. Go find Sasuke and get him and yourself out of here. Find him and do whatever it takes to get him away from here. I mean it, stab him with a kunai if you have to. This guy is _Kage_ level and crazy to boot. I'm going to go and save Naruto.'

I jump off the branch, this time fully reaching to the tree across.

'But _Saiyan_…'

'Get to Sasuke and flee the area!'

I bound on, nausea being overridden with returns feelings of excitement and worry.

I halt on a branch and nearly send my self off from the force of the jump.

Orochimaru is right below, facing Sasuke who is on a branch just below him.

The snake goes to strike.

There's a flash of boiling red and the snake's head flies back.

There's a moment when nobody seems to realise was has just happened.

Naruto is standing on a branch cloaked in a red…light? Smog? Must be chakra. I don't have to rely on the distinctly fox-like animal form the chakra has taken around his body to know that the Kyuubi's chakra is at work.

The area actually feels hotter. Holy Crap.

Naruto leaps at Orochimaru, only to be thrown back by the snake. He hits a tree but before he can do anything else Orochimaru's long tongue slips out of his mouth and wraps itself round Naruto.

The Snake brings the Fox-boy up close to his face.

I jump off the branch.

I descend through the sickening feeling resulting from the upmost vertigo of freefall.

I slam down on the snake's head in an impact-absorbing crouch position just behind Orochimaru.

This time I give him a full-powered right hook to the back.

There's a another gory crack of bone and Orochimaru's whole form seems to crumple in on itself. The tongue unwinds and the red-eyed, fanged-toothed Naruto drops out of sight.

I swing my fist around behind me.

It hits something.

Just as the Orochimaru I just punched turns to mud, the real one launches his own fist at me from behind.

_He's still wearing that face?!_

I launch another punch. He dodges and sends a kick at my head. I block with both arms crossed.

There's a sharp, horrible pain and I'm almost forced off of my feet.

I bring up my hands and grab his feet, then I swing him around behind me to throw him to the ground.

Suddenly, his other foot connects with the back of my head and I'm sent skidding facedown along the head of the snake.

That bastard!

I'm suddenly very ticked off.

I'll kill him for that.

I sit up quickly and turn to face him in a crouching position.

He moves to attack.

I dash up, super speed still working, bring both hands together in a double fist and slam them down on his head.

Before his face hits the scales, I kick him with a foot and his head spans back up.

Now the fun begins.

I send a barrage of punches, each one as fast as I can. By the time he's hit by one, he's feeling the force of another two.

While he's still reeling, I jump and spin kick him hard across his face, just like he did to the Hokage in the upcoming fight.

He flies back with a yell, skidding along the snake's scales on his back.

I leap after him.

I drive a fist into his gut and he lets out another unintended cry of pain. I'm still so freaking mad with him.

My teeth are gritted together and all I want is to swing him around by his hair.

'**Enough**.'

His black eyes open in surprise.

'I want to see your real face.'

I take the hand that isn't in his gut and reach for his face.

My fingers reach up to his hairline and scratch.

Something flakes off.

I pull. There's a elastic tearing sound and what's left in my hands is rubbery skin.

I look at his real face.

His as pale as a dead person. White to almost grey. His cheeks are slightly sunken in as a result of his high cheekbones and the fact he has no fat anywhere on his face. The purple coloured kohl around his eyes cover his eyelids and run right down the bridge of his sharp, aquiline nose. His skin is unnaturally smooth and unblemished.

He reopens his eyes.

They surpass anything I could've imagined.

You see pictures and shots of Orochimaru's eyes from the manga and anime but it just doesn't cut it to the real thing.

Dark green-yellow in moments of curiosity and contemplation, golden yellow in sadistic joy or angry brooding and a near luminous sickly yellow in times of savage cold-blooded killing delight. Almost constantly shifting between one and another and mixing together. His slit pupils stand out from the golden mass like solid black markers, shrinking and growing every time you look.

I just stare in amazement and excitement, one hand absentmindedly stroking his black hair.

Golden-yellow eyes continue to stare with a snake-like fixation at me.

I smile at him, feeling almost wonderfully happy.

The eyes change from green-ish to yellow.

'I see you.'

What?

Something wet and slippery curls around my neck.

Orochimaru's mouth curls into a joyful smirk showing all his teeth.

I only have time to shove half of my left hand up under the tongue before it tightens into a choker.

He stands up, still smiling, his tongue lifting me up like a rag doll in front of him. He speaks in his proper, raspy, snake-like voice and I tingle all over.

'It looks like you were able to succeed in getting my face off, _Saiyan-chan_…but it seems that your invisibility has worn off.'

I try to breath as the tongue remains tight around my neck. He's out of my reach. Even if I tried to kick him, I couldn't make it.

'I must admit, I am very interested in your unusual techniques…nothing quite like I've ever seen…'

He grabs hold of my right arm from trying to free my throat and turns it so he can see the tattoo. He runs a finger along the kanji and black leaves. A hot, tingling feeling ripples along the skin where he touches.

'A summoning tattoo…'

Nani?!

'_What?_' I choke.

'_Ryoukuyou_… I wonder what it would summon?'

Ryouku-what?

'A summoning tattoo is quite a oddity for a mere Genin to have…but then again, I seriously doubt that you are a Genin, _Saiyan-chan_.'

Even with the super strength jutsu still in effect and one hand holding the tongue from choking me, it's taking me everything I've have not be strangled. Even Tsunade had trouble with his tongue.

'I also doubt that you belong to the Sand Village, am I right?'

Crap…

His eyes are slightly covered by his eyelids, so I can't see his whole slit pupils. He smiles in a satisfied way yet when he speaks he shows all of his teeth.

'You're correct in that I came for the Uchiha…but perhaps I should mark you, too…'

His tongue pulls me in slightly closer so we're face-to-face. His eyes widen and his snake eyes dance.

'…And I think you know what that is too…'

A roar comes up out nowhere and a blazing crimson Naruto leapt up.

The choking tongue around my neck loosens off.

CRACK

My back exploded in pain.

He threw me into a tree! The arsehole! My back!

I land on my hands and knees on the ground.

Damnit!

I get up slowly, trying to crack my spine back into position in the least painful way.

There's a slam a few feet away from me. Another tree with another person-shaped hole in it.

A sore, but still very angry, Kyuubi-Naruto drops down on all fours, panting hard.

It takes more time to blink before I'm over besides him.

Thank Jebus, my strength and speed jutsus are still working.

'You all right, Naruto?'

He growls, an actual proper growl. 'Yeah…but this freak is really starting to piss me off!'

'Yeah, he seems to have that affect on a lot of people…'

Naruto's red eyes suddenly focus on me.

'Hey, you're visible again, _Saiyan_.'

'Good observational skills. But that's just a side issue at the moment.'

I look back up.

My eyes widen.

'Oh, hell no…'

Sasuke has joined Orochimaru on a branch, who has un-summoned his snake. Sasuke has a kunai in his mouth and is staring in hatred at Orochi, who wags a finger towards himself in a "come-and-get-me" way.

Sasuke bolts at Orochimaru, only for him to leap up higher into the trees, away from the clearing. Sasuke follows immediately behind.

Orochimaru is trying to lead Sasuke away from us so he can Curse Mark him!!!

I turn back to Naruto. 'Orochimaru is trying to lead Sasuke away from us so he can do something really bad to him. I need your help to get Sasuke away from him.'

Ok, now…

'Naruto, I don't know how to climb trees using my chakra and I don't have time to learn. I need you to give me a lift up the tree.'

There, I said it.

'Climb on my back.'

What?!

'Uhh…'

'Com'on,' he says, a slightly foxy fanged grin on his face. 'If you climb on my back I can run up the tree and get to Sasuke, and then we can finish off that snake freak!'

'If this were any other situation…fine.'

So I get onto Naruto's back for a piggy-back ride.

Saved by Sakura and Naruto gives me a piggy-back ride.

Worst Mary-Sue Super Fight EVER.

Naruto takes off.

He leaps up onto a tree and literary runs up the trunk on all fours, snorting and growling in an animalistic manner.

The crippling vertigo starts to kick in a again _really quickly…_

'What does that bastard want with Sasuke anyway?' Naruto asks.

'What does any old man want with a attractive, young boy, Naruto. Just please don't ask me any questions when we're running up a forty-foot tree!!!'

Naruto leaps off the trunk and on a high branch.

I jump off his back and cling to the trunk.

'Let's not actively try to do that again…'

Naruto growls menacingly in response. I turn around.

Sasuke still standing a little way off on another branch. He's looks battered and is shaking and it looks like he can't move, or is trying to move but can't because-

'Sasuke!'

I leap towards him. From branch to branch in a matter of seconds.

I land besides him and turn around to face what he is seeing.

A white face with violent fangs like something out a Japanese Anime Dracula movie comes out of nowhere, black hair flying behind it with something between a hiss and a roar coming out of it mouth.

It twists through the air, and dives towards us.

So I punch it on the chin.

The white head and elongated neck attached to it flying back only to wrap themselves a few times around a branch from the force of the punch.

…

…that was weird…

…

Slightly disturbed and a bit out of it, I turn back to Sasuke, who looks just as bad as me.

'You. Coming with me. Now.'

He nodes.

'Naruto, Sakura, everybody here now.'

The pinkette jumps up another tree and a No-longer red Naruto joins us on the branch.

I look at all of them in turn.

'So…who wants to go now?'

Before anyone can answer, a familiar cackling laugh breaks the silence.

For some reason, most likely the fact that this whole fight has been a heavy tax on my sanity, I freak out.

With a yell, I grab Sasuke and Sakura by the waist and put them, struggling wildly, under each arm in a carrying position.

'On my back! On my back, Naruto!'

Thankfully the Uzumaki leaps on in a piggy-back position similar to the one I used on him without question.

Then I jump off the branch.

Four people scream.

Sadly, my crazy spell is far from over.

I hit the forest floor and run as fast as I can. Once again trees blur and time stands still as I rush in the direction that gets us the further away from Orochimaru as possible.

Naruto's nails grip into my shoulders and Sakura and Sasuke stop struggling and try to hang on from the force of the speed I'm going at.

I carry on, unaware of any of them.

Finally after what only seems a few minutes, I begin to slowly stop my sprint.

I halt, drop all my passengers and fall flat on my face.

…

'You guys alright?'

Three people moan.

'Good…'

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

'So…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…How has the Forest Of Death been for you guys?'

* * *

* * *

I've got good news and bad news. Good news, I'm off to Uni! Bad news, after this chapter I won't be back for a few months like before. But I pushed myself to let you off the cliffhanger I left on my last instalment. So enjoy.

Goodbye for now, but hopefully not forever. ;)

P.S. Check out my updated Bio Page. I've added a picture of Chibi Vegeta I drew for the Avatar. He's adorable when he's scared ^_^

_***Ryoukuyou**_** – Don't know what it means? Don't worry, all will be revealed! Or you can take a guess… **

*****_**NEW SECTION!**_*****

**Snake-based ramblings****:**

_**It isn't Makeup:**_

I do not believe that the purple markings around Orochimaru's eyes are makeup. Anybody who has seen the flashbacks with young Orochimaru from the Hokage fight can see that, even as a boy, he had those markings. I do not believe that he was using makeup at that young an age. He was too busy being trained to kill people by his _loving_ sensei. I believe that those markings are akin to those you'd find on an animal like a cheetah. Those marks are like kohl, and act like a pair of natural sunglasses. Since his eyes have slit pupils, like those of all nocturnal snakes and other animals, he is obviously more adapted to seeing at night and in dark places, so the markings in a dark colour (purple) act to shield his eyes from the sun during the day. So I bet he has had those marks since he was born. In conclusion, NOT makeup.


	15. Let Me Show You My POKEMANS!

I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Nor do I own Jackie Chan Adventures or any of its affiliates… I also have no affiliation with Pokemon (My brother does, though. He wants to trade his Lv. 80 Shiny Dragonite for something of equal/greater value.)

_**YEAH! Time for some plot action!**_

_**In Saiyan's Point Of View:**_

'If I'm talking, it looks like this.' If not, I'm just thinking it.

_Italics mean words spoken in Japanese_

_It also is used as word emphasis. _

_**Italics and Bold are used for jutsus**_

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Forest of Death**

…

…

…

…

'You know, I really thought that saving you would warrant more than just weird looks and the silent treatment?'

We are all sitting in a circle, under the exposed roots of one of the huge trees. Ever since my marathon sprint, we all shook the dust off ourselves and rested as the sun sank lower and the cold started to bite. Pretty much, nobody has said a thing since Orochimaru.

'You shouldn't even be here. We're working against each other. We've only let you stay so far because-'

'There's always a chance the big snake-guy might come back?'

Sasuke's mouth twists into a scowl as he glares at the dirt angrily.

'Look, he's scary. To everybody. _Jounin_ mess themselves at the sight of him. Don't think you shouldn't be scared.

'No weren't. Why was that?'

I shrug and half-turn away.

'He had no interest in me. He's pretty much snake-like in that respect. Moving targets piqué his interest. He's never even seen me until today.'

There is a pause, and Sasuke's voice drifts back darker than I've heard it before.

'And yet you know more about him than any of us, and you're not even from the Leaf Village. You also knew where he was and what he was after…'

I turn and look back at him, hard.

'Don't go there. Don't even think it. I came to prevent you meeting him because I knew who he was by sight at the gates, and the way he kept staring at your group. Don't start making out I'm on his side, because if I was, your two other team-mates would be dead, which would be far better state than what you'd be in if he'd gotten his hands on you.'

There's a nasty tension in the air as I ended my statement. Sakura coughs in an attempt to break it.

'The fact your still freaked out about him is probably also the reason you haven't lit a fire despite the fact it's only going to get colder and pretty soon someone's going to get hypothermia.'

'Lighting a fire would only just make us an easy target. Not everyone in this forest has the same "good-nature" as you.'

So that's what they call it here.

'You are so sour to me. Are you really that worried about you and your team-mate's safety, or are you that afraid to display any sort of fear or apprehension?'

Sasuke stands up. I follow.

'I'm not afraid of anything.'

'Fear isn't an emotional weakness; sometimes it's the only thing that keeps your head on your shoulders. And everybody's afraid of one thing or another. Stop trying to pretend you're an emotionless lump of granite and _chill out_. Ain't that right, Naruto?'

There's a loud nasal snore.

I sweat drop. 'OK, exactly how long has he been asleep?'

'I have no idea.' Sakura replies.

I sigh and sit back down. Sometimes you just get a no-win situation.

I put my hand under my chin and recollect my thoughts.

What had Orochimaru said about my tattoo?

He said it was a summoning mark. What was it called? Ryou…kiyu? Something like that…never heard of anything like it.

I mean, Ryuu means dragon…does it have something to do with that? But then what does Kuyou mean?

I look up at the pink-haired maiden, who is staring at her hands with a downtrodden expression on her face.

She might help.

I mean, Kishi made her smart in theory, right?

'Yo, Sakura, you know how to read kanji, right?'

She looks at me as if I asked her who Mario and Luigi were.

'Of course…'

I shift over to her on my hands and knees and present her my tattooed arm.

'Good. Would you mind putting my mind at ease and telling me what this means?"

Her face turns incredulous.

'You got a tattoo and you don't even know what it means?'

'Of course I know what it means, _Ryoukuyou_. I just want to know what _**that**_means.'

'…It stands for "green leaves".

Green leaves?

Green leav-

'I've got to go.'

'What?' Sakura looks up, startled.

'I need to go. Wake Naruto and stay alert. Set a few traps while you're at it. I'll be back as soon as possible.' I say, standing up.

'But-' Sakura starts.

'Listen up. Be on the lookout for anything suspicious. Weird noises, explosive tags attached to squirrels; crazy stuff like that. Remember the Sound genin? The dark-haired girl, the mummy guy and the other reject? If they come around, fight the good fight and raise the alarm. I should return before they do something really messed up. But seriously, they're out of their freaking minds. If you can, do the world a favour and remove them from the human gene pool.'

'What the hell are you on about?' Sasuke almost yells.

'You'll see what I'm on about pretty soon enough.' I say as I finish my invisibility jutsu and start ploughing through the handsigns for my super speed jutsu. 'As I said, just need to take of something of the upmost importance. Don't forget to wake Naruto.'

'But Saiyan-' Sakura says desperately.

'Just take care.' I say, moving towards the entrance.

I peer out, look around for any signs of movement, and take off.

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Forest of Death**

Green leaves.

GREEN LEAVES.

Holly crap, why didn't I see this.

It's been under my nose the whole time.

I mean, what else are Pokemon but summonings? Little creatures you call up from somewhere else to fight and assist in a battle.

And I lost my "Pokemon Leaf Green" at the beginning of this mild, ninja-flavoured fantasy ride.

I should've have a clue from the fact my tattoo looks so damn similar to Orochimaru's.

What a time for a epiphany. This information could have really been helpful when I was actually fighting the Sannin.

But Pokemon summonings…Seriously, who saw that coming?

And just think of what I could summon.

I come to screeching halt in the middle of another clearing.

Oh, wouldn't it be just kickass to summon a Legendary? Really scare the living snot out of the Sound nins? Come down out of the blue riding a Zapdos. Or Moltres.

Alright, mustn't get carried away. Save the best for when they're needed the most. I need someone who'll work best against the Tone-Deaf Ninja Trio.

They all use soundwaves to screw with their opponents. I'll probably need someone who's very fast…How do you neutralise soundwaves? I could just have a very evasive Pokemon, but there's nothing wrong with a back up…I mean, two against three isn't fair and I don't feel like loosing twice in one day.

I sit down cross-legged under another huge tree.

So, whom have I got whose fast and hard to hit? They'll need to be fairly sized, plus be mobile in this', I look around the forest area, 'terrain.'

…

Voltage! OF Course!

He'll work brilliantly! He's as fast and evasive as any Pokemon I've got.

This is going to be fantastic.

…

Now, how do I work this thing?

I hold out my hands in front of me.

Now…uh…how many signs do I need? Maybe I should start out with…uh…Snake? No, Tiger…Bird?

I would really appreciate an instruction booklet AT THIS POINT!

Oh, screw it! I don't have time. If I got this far by winging it, then can do this with my eyes shut.

…For I am…a Mary-Sue…

…

…I just got a really bad taste in my mouth…

***3****rd**** Person's Point Of View* - Forest of Death**

Saiyan moved her hands into the Tiger position and held it for a few minutes while the silence of the forest hung in the air.

Winching, her shoved a finger into the wound on her leg, dripping with blood. Then with one hand to pull up her sleeve, ran her blood-covered finger down the black tattoo.

The feeling was best described as striking a match into ignition. Only much, _much_, more powerful.

Then she started.

Tiger gave way to Bird, then to Dragon, then to Snake, and passed through Horse, another Tiger, Sheep and then…

'_Kuchinose no Justu!'_

…She slammed her hand down onto the ground.

A large black circle made up of black cryptic writings appeared in the dirt, with a second smaller circle appearing inside the larger one.

Then something wierd happened.

A line spreading from the larger circle came into contact with the smaller circle, passing around through to the other side and back to the larger mark.

Her eyes widened. It looked just like a PokeB-

The markings exploded into a blinding light.

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Forest of Death**

Wow, what a bang.

I coughed loudly, and waved my arm around to clear away the smoke.

Seriously, why the smoke? What does it do except give the summoner an asthma attack and look like something out of an old horror movie?

Wait, where's my 'Mon?

I look up and around the tree. There's no sign of anything living.

'Voltage…?'

'_**!**_'

No…Not Voltage. Not Voltage AT ALL.

'S************************t!'

I drive headfirst into the dirt with my hands over my head.

Holly Crap, what in the name of hell did I summon?

Stupid, retarted tattoo! I'm doomed! This is the end!

…

…

…

…

'_**SHHRRRIIIIKKKK**_**!**'

I gain back enough of my courage to look up from the ground where I'm laying.

A large _**thing**_ is hanging upside down from one of the overhanging roots of the tree, clinging via two tiny-clawed legs to the wood. Its "skin" appears to be a very dark purple and its two membranous wings are folded tightly into itself, making it appear almost like a hanging ball. Its eye's are large, luminous yellow were there should be white, with bright red slit pupils akin to the Kyuubi's.

For all intensive purposes, it appears to be a bat.

…

'…Kumori?'

The creature's eyes upturn slightly in, what I think might be an eye-smile.

Kumori was my level 87, female Crobat. I had been training her up to 90 last time I played Leaf-Green.

Looks like she got one hell of a _**Naruto**_ anime makeover.

'Yes! It worked! I preformed a summoning, I preformed a summoning! I'm a GENIUS!'

'_**SHRIIIK**_**…**' was the exacerbated response.

I turn to the bat, pointing. 'Hey, this is a first for me. You could at least be supportive…'

…

'…And aren't you supposed to speak like the other summonings?'

Kumori's eyes shift from side-to-side.

'_**SHRRRIIIK**_**…**_**KKKIII.'**_

…

'I'm guessing that's a "yes", but it's not preferred.'

'_**SSHRIIIK.**_' And a nod of her head follows.

Well, at least she is making a _realistic_ noise, instead of repeating her species name over and over again to an ear-bleeding degree.

'Alright. Now that that's out of the way. You'll be a real help against the Sound nins. I mean, according to the series, you can counteract sound waves with your own, right?'

'_**SHRRRIIIIIKKKKK!'**_

'Good. But I wonder why you were summoned when I wanted Voltage…'

Oh, wait. Kumori was the first in my party. Arrrggg…don't tell me that stupid game rule applies that the first in the group is the first to come out?

'You wouldn't happen to know how I can summon the Pokemon I was actually thinking of?' I ask.

Kumori narrows her eyes.

'No, don't get me wrong, it's fantastic you're here. But I kinda needed Voltage…Do you have any clue as to how I can summon him?'

She does the "equivalent" of shrugging her shoulders.

…

Well…

Might as well give it another try.

Always good to have more than one helping hand.

…

…

…

Jeeze, I've just spent about fifteen minutes talking to a bat.

Gathering more blood from my leg wound, I swipe my finger quickly down my arm and start again.

Bird…

Tiger…

Dragon… (This had better get results…)

Horse…

Tiger…(Maybe if I called him by name…)

Dog… (Like when they call out in the game…)

'_**Kuchinose No Jutsu! Voltage!'**_

Black markings etch themselves into the ground and form two spherical shapes…before becoming to bright to look at and explode with the force of a small cannon and kick up another small dust tornado.

I wish I brought my puffer with me…

Am I going to have an asthma attack every _freaking_ time I try this stuff?

This time, a new shape emerges from the clearing smoke.

This new animal is about the size of a large dog. It has jagged looking electric-yellow fur, except around its neck area, which is coloured white. Its face is remarkably similar to the Kyuubi's; narrow snout, long, pointed ears, with the exception it eyes are completely black. Its body is build like the Kyuubi's, too, minus the immense protruding claws and any sort or number of tails.

Holly HFIL, I preformed it right.

Pleasant, slightly unexpected surprises rule.

'_Voltage!'_

I rush over and put the Thunder Fox into a _kawaii-_love-filled headlock.

'This is so freaking awesome! Oh, you are so cute and deadly looking in Naruto! We could even try and convince people that you're somehow related to the Kyuubi, and really mess with them!'

There's something between a muffled moan and a growl from the yellow creature, and something akin to laugher from up above me.

I let go of the Jolteon and stand up straight.

'…Sorry, I went a little crazy. But really, when you think about it…' I say motioning towards both Voltage and Kumori, 'you have just gone from pixelated animal-like figures from a hand-held console game cartridge that could be said to be one cornerstone of a multinational gaming corporation's line-up of popular iconic gaming series, and have just arrived in a fictious world with a heavy basis on mythical ninja abilities and ancient and traditional aspects on Japanese culture',

Slight pause for breath here.

'As physically and biologically living creatures possessing what, at least must be, sentient intelligence and the free will that comes with it.'

There is nothing but a flat, stunned silence.

…

…

…

'What?…I had to make up for the horrid fan-girl act I had a moment ago.'

…

…

…

…

'Was I trying too hard?'

'_**SHRIIIIIIIIIIKKK.'**_

'_**GGGRRRRRWWWNNNN…'**_

'Yeah, I thought so, too'

I stretch my back and put my hands together.

'Alright, everybody. I summoned you because I need you to help me fight against these three whack-job Sound ninjas. Now, I know you're used to fighting other Pokemon and not humans, but you're going to have to treat these guys like they are. The rules have changed. Which, I must say, is much more realistic than budgening your own kind repeatedly on a regular basis, and it's always good to have a bit of variety in your day. So, are you ready to do to them what I think Ash should do to Paul?'

'_**SHRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIKKK!'**_

'_**GGGRRRRRWWWAAAAAAAOOOOOOOWWWW!' **_

Kumori unfurls both her wings and disappears into the air like a passing shadow.

Voltage glows and electricity crackles around him. He lets off an unearthly howl and shoots off like a rocket after Kumori.

…

…

…

…

'Hold on! I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU WHERE WE'RE GOING YET!'

'_**AAAAARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!' **_

**MINASAN, TADAIMASU! It has been a while, hasn't it? Sorry about being gone so long. I hope this keeps you going. I feel like I rushed it a little, though. Sorry, you deserve better. **

**I'm back on fanfiction and I'm cosplaying for the first time at AVCON! I'll be going as Tsunade because I was unable to get the necessary clothes for Orochimaru. Uni's going well, but I never seem to have any time to myself these days. :P**

**Thanks for sticking with this story, and thanks for all the positive reviews. **

*****_**NEW SECTION!**_*****

**Snake-based ramblings****:**

_**Orochimaru, Mind and Motives:**_

I think Orochimaru does not only in some ways represent a sort of Frankenstein's monster in Naruto, but also a MacBeth-like figure, or if not MacBeth, perhaps Charles Kane from Citizen Kane. The key idea to the story of Frankenstein's Monster is that "they" created a monster that eventually turned against "them" in an act of revenge. It has been argued in many fictions that Orochimaru was taught and raised for the purpose of as a weapon of war, despite the Leaf maintaining its hypocritical ideals that stands for peace, justice and equality, and that Orochimaru grew aware of this and tired (supposedly) of being treated like a second-class citizen (it is mostly believed that he was probably treated similar to Naruto due to his unusual appearance) and left the village and vowed revenge. Basically, the Leaf created him for selfish purposes and he turned against them.

In the case of MacBeth, he is lead astray be the "agents of darkness", the three witches (four, as some count his wife as the "Forth Witch) whom, although they technically tell him the truth, they tell it in such a way as to deceive him and he is eventually destroyed.

However, the process of becoming super-human (perhaps in a effort to rise above the Leaf villagers as well as to crush them), he ends up becoming steady more inhuman, finally being destroyed inadvertently by has own cancerous ego and his desires and ambition.

Make of all this what you will.


	16. I'm Gonna Make it Afterall!

I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Nor do I own Jackie Chan Adventures or any of its affiliates… I'm getting really bored with this... I bet no one reads this bit anyway…)

_**In Saiyan's Point Of View:**_

'If I'm talking, it looks like this.' If not, I'm just thinking it.

_Italics mean words spoken in Japanese_

_It also is used as word emphasis. _

_**Italics and Bold are used for jutsus**_

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Forest of Death**

'COME BACK! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, COME BACK! SIT! STAY! **STOP! **_**ANYTHING!**_ YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING! _THIS ISN'T HELPING_! COME BACK!'

The sound of absolutely nothing echoes around me.

I consider this abandonment.

Pokemon don't just run off in the game.

Especially not after you caught them and trained them for hours and hours just because they wouldn't get as strong if you just gave them loads of Rare Candies.

Which, by the way, is so much easier and you can undo any negative effects on their stats by feeding them stuff like Carbos, Calcium, Iron and the like.

Plus, it makes then like you more, too. Wow, five minutes pointless thinking in an emergency. _Wonderful._

I crouch down and blast off after them through the trees.

The rest of the world becomes a smudged, greenly brown mess for the umpteenth-time.

'Please come back! I swear I won't hug you again! At least, not tightly as I did!'

I take some sprinting leaps over a few strategically placed roots and rocks.

I break suddenly again. If they've gone off I have no chance. They're possibly my two fastest Pokemon. And in a forest this size…

I have a better chance of running into a Celabi.

'**Please, please, please…come back. I'm lost in a forest full of crazy people and I need to find Team Seven. Don't leave me hanging on like this…'**

Pity-party for one, right here.

There's a feather-soft pattering of paws on earth and something furry nudges up against my leg.

'Voltage!'

The yellow Eevee-ultion looks up at me in what I can tell is a concerned way.

Naruto Anime. The one place where even I can read expressions.

'What was that for? Why'd you and Kumori do a runner?'

Voltage gives a low growl and a slightly confused look.

I raise an eyebrow.

'You guys ran, but I hadn't told you were we supposed to run to…'

The confused expression disappears and is replaced by an odder, harder to tell one.

'…

… And just how did you know where to go?'

The fox nudges up against me again, bumping my leg slightly with his nose.

'You smelt them on me?'

He nods.

Makes sense. I did give them an impromptu piggyback ride out of the danger zone.

Not that I'm letting him off that easily.

'And you just assumed that I wanted to find those specific people again?'

Voltage raises what on a person would be a eyebrow.

'Alright, fine. I didn't think of that.'

I am such an imbecile. No one's _pets_ should be more cognitively functional than their owner.

I look back down at the Jolteon.

'And Kumori is where at the moment?'

Voltage tilts his head to the side with a short growl.

'…and she knew where to go, how?'

I receive a snort of derision and an incredulous expression. Before I can retaliate, the Thunder Fox throws up his head as if to say, 'where would you expect to find a flying animal?'

'Alright, you don't have to get snippy with me. It was just a question…'

I am really worried at this point whether to go back for Team Seven or just continue on and spare myself the sight of their mutilated bodies.

Oh, well. Worst come to the worst, at least Sasuke and/or Sakura will be dead.

'OK, new plan.' I address the Pocket Monster, 'you take me to Team Seven. We discuss the tactical plan with Kumori there, understood?

Voltage lets out an affirmative bark.

'One condition, you go slow enough so I can keep up.'

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Forest of Death**

I've learnt something today.

My Jolteon has three basic speed settings.

One is **"Fast"**. Another is **"Slow Down For The Non-Quadruped Mammal"**. And the other one is **"Having To Go At This Speed Is Demeaning, Let's See If I Can Break The Sound Barrier… **

**And Then After That, Make My Trainer Have An Asthma Attack."**

I'm leaning over a tree root, trying not to be sick from the eon-like seconds I spent running at speeds that should only be physically possible for vehicles equipped with some sort of octane fuel.

And no, Gummi Snakes don't count.

'…Not funny…Volt-_ack_-age…'

I _really_ need to invent an anti-nausea jutsu.

After my quick coughing fit, I poke a finger at the Jolteon.

'OK, you crazy fox wanna-be, I would really like to find Team Seven now-'

In a split instant, the Pokemon's demeanour switches.

The slightly jagged yellow fur sharpens and erects forming large yellow senbon needles. Voltage's face twists into a snarl that shows all his sharp, pointed teeth and his black eyes glisten angrily.

He begins to growl, staring ahead towards another cluster of trees.

'Who's there, Voltage?'

Is it the Sound Nins?

Voltage ruffles the fur around his neck in an agitated manner.

I bend down besides his patting his fur to calm him down. I whisper, 'Easy there, everything's all right. We just need to sneak in there without being spotted, so we'll go nice and slowly and quietly, OK?'

The summoning gives his head a quick shake and small, affirmative bark.

'Good.'

Following the light-footed fox, we begin to creep towards the trees.

I sincerely hope he just smells the Sound Nins.

There is a possibility…that Orochi might come back for Round 2.

He also might not be in much of a mood to play nice with the strange girl anymore.

Ah, who cares? If things get really bad, I have a little friend he can meet.

And by little, I mean a Charizard.

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Forest of Death**

The real problem with this forest is nothing stands out and everything looks the same.

…As if that's the ONLY problem with this forest…

I really need to get the hang of these jutsus of mine.

Like focusing on being able to power down on the Invisibility jutsu willingly and not to have it conk out at inconvenient times.

At least all my other jutsus are still functioning.

Suddenly, Voltage takes a leap ahead and slinks along the ground around some upturned roots.

Interesting…

I follow, although less gracefully.

I peak over the top of the smallest root.

It's them!

…And those stupid Sound twits have found them.

_**Great**_…

I place myself behind the huge tree and motion both of the troops over. Voltage slinks over quietly while Kumori claws her way along the bark of the opposite tree.

I point at Kumori and then behind me at where I can see Dosu in the clearing.

I look back to her, motioning the words, 'Whack him. Whack him first… ' I shake my hand around, 'when I give the signal.'

I make a biting motion with my teeth. '_Poison Fang _him.'

The bat creature scuttles back up the tree and disappears up into the higher branches.

I look back down to Voltage who, thankfully, is sitting right by me at touching distance so I won't have to play miming games with him.

'OK,' I whisper, 'You attack immediately after Kumori does. You're target is Kin, that's the black-haired chick. Try to put her away quickly. Here's what I want you to do. Move a little distance away from here and keep using _Double Team_ and _Agility_ in repeated succession. Keep doing that until you hear Dosu screaming, then you run back here and attack Kin with something physical. Don't go all out with electric attacks unless she tries something silly. Alright?'

Voltage nods.

'Good.' I motion, 'You head off and get started. I'll wait to give Kumori the signal.'

The fox creeps away over the ground without a noise before bolting off at a distance.

Back to the oh-so-wonderful spectator sport of Ninja Baiting.

I shuffle back around the tree's base to get another good look at the Leaf Nin mess.

Sasuke is quite obviously whacked out from the sound waves, Naruto's pretty much the same, Lee's fallen down in a…very… creative position and Sakura's finished her importune hair styling session.

I think it's about time to ruin the Sound Genin's otherwise pleasant day.

I turn my eyes towards the dark branches of the largest tree in the clearing.

I catch a small flash.

I raise my hand…and drop it.

A black shadow, about the size of a large kite, shoots out from the darkness into the clearing.

Aimed straight at Dosu.

The instant it makes contact with Dosu's head, it wraps its wings tightly around his face, forming an odd, living, total-head-covering mask.

Then he starts to scream.

Heavily muffled by Kumori, he sounds like he's being suffocated. He claws at her skin but isn't able to get a grip with her being wrapped so tightly.

By this point, his discomfort has not gone unnoticed.

'What _the hell_ is that?'

'What _is_ that thing?'

OK, time to get Voltage on the scene…

Zaku turns towards the struggling Dosu and holds out his hands.

'I'll take care of it…'

Voltage, its time…

A yellow flash crashes into both Kin and Zaku, sending them painfully to the floor, before halting in front of the bruised remains of Naruto's team.

However upset Voltage was at sniffing them out, it's nothing on his current mood.

A full, teeth-showing snarl is on his face and he's growling deep within his throat. His fur looks like it could shave off skin at a touch. More than that, electricity is sparkling around him, creating a hot-looking glow.

He looks more Kyuubi-like than ever.

Sakura and the Sound Gang seemed to have gone into a state of shock at the sight of him.

So much so, that Dosu's distress is going completely ignored.

His screaming is getting weaker, and his clawing at Kumori is getting less frantic.

Zaku steps back away from Voltage.

Time for me to shine in upstaging people.

'You might want to surrender and give up your scroll, 'cause if you try to fight at this point, there is _no_ chance of you getting out of this forest.'

There's a quick gasp of relief. 'Saiyan-san!'

And two other ones of surprise. 'What?' 'Huh?'

I pick myself up off the ground and walk slowly around the tree.

I turn to face my audience.

'Hello, Soundies. Come for a bit of harmless emo thrashing?'

Kin turns angrily towards me. 'Big mistake revealing yourself, Sand pest.'

Sand? Oh yeah, headband. Duh.

'You think these little _pets_ of yours can scare us?' Zaku adds.

I give him sneer.

'The look on your faces proved that.'

In the next moment, there are two flashes of movement.

The first one was Zaku, preparing one of his sound wave strikes.

The second was Voltage, slamming into him full force.

Zaku is not only sent off his feet, but flying head first into a tree.

There's a loud, woody thump and Zaku falls down into the dirt.

Kin's head turns around in shock.

I take a jump down from my position to land in front of her.

Voltage scoots quickly around to her other side.

We've got her cornered.

'Now you listen to me,' I say. 'What you're going to do is grab your scroll, give it to me, then get the hell out of my sight before Dosu is either poisoned or suffocated, which ever happens first, and Zaku and you are _electrocuted_.'

Kin looks from me to Voltage and back, clearly not liking the situation at all.

Voltage growls again.

'I-I don't have it. Zaku does.'

I look up to where Dosu is.

He's on his hands and knees. The only sound coming from him is his intense, laboured breaths.

'Kumori, get off of him. He's out of it.'

I gesture towards Zaku. 'See what he's got on him.'

The bat slips effortlessly off his face and soars like a shadow over to the unconscious Zaku.

Claws snag at his clothing as she shifts in a landing position on him.

She ruffles around his belt, before letting out a small shriek as Zaku shifts.

So he's not completely gone, is he.

I call out, 'You might want to lie still, Zaku. Kumori's already messed up Dosu and she could do that to you, no problem.'

Ignoring mostly everybody's faces of confusion and downright surprise, I continue keeping my eye on Kumori.

After about a minute, the bat launches herself off Zaku clutching something creamy-white and brown.

I turn back to Kin.

'Very good. Now pick up the tattered remains of your team and make tracks before _I_ start smacking you around.'

Kin backs away, keeping her distance from Voltage.

Dosu finally staggers to his feet, his eyes wide open and staring like he's about to pass out. His face has gone sickly, not-quite-Orochimaru white, and there's a gash on the right side of his neck from where Kumori bit him.

The edges of which have gone a disturbing gangrene colour.

Kin and Zaku shoot off into the trees without another word, leaving Dosu leaning against one of the trees to catch his breath before feebly hopping off after them.

Ha.

Kumori floats gently down before settling rather delicately on my right arm, still griping a cream scroll.

I take from her and inspect it.

The kanji says its Heaven. Therefore, we must assume it isn't an Earth scroll.

Which is good.

I turn back to Team Seven.

'Fear not, ninjas, for I have returned!'

Sakura just stares at me.

'You really can't get along without me, can you?'

Before Sakura can form a coherent sentence, the green and orange figure lying face down on the ground moans.

'Lee!'

I rush over to him, pretty much ignoring everyone else.

'Oh, you poor thing…'

I pick him up by the scruff of his spandex and hoist him to his feet, noticing dried-up rivulets of congealed blood originating from his ears.

'Are you feeling any better?'

Lee's unfocused eye's wobble uncertainly in his sockets before resting on me.

'Oh, Sakura-chan…Will you marry me?'

…

Sakura, having finally realised she has necessary degree of cephalisation to be able to actively move, comes up behind me.

'Here,' I say, turning to her. 'I think you're more qualified to handle this sort of situation.'

I push Lee into her arms.

She manages to stifle an antagonising whine as she struggles to hold up Lee's limp body, all the while looking like she's holding something slimy with three eyes.

'Yeah, it would probably be nice if you didn't drop him. I'm just going to check on Sasuke and Naruto.'

Lee gurgles happily. Sakura's face goes blue.

I walk over to Sasuke's body. Like Lee he has dried up blood coming from his ears, but unlike Lee, he's lying face up and has managed to look in great enough pain to override most of my feelings of frustration.

I wonder if I should slap him.

Nah…

'Voltage?' I call.

The yellow fox trudges up to me, thankfully in a much calmer state than a few minutes ago.

'See if you can wake him up…_gently_. Ahh…you know…_without electricity_?'

The Jolteon bends down towards Sasuke's face. After brushing his nose against him without success, he begins to lick his face.

Sasuke's eye's open. Wide.

'AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!'

Voltage jumps back, fur like pinpricks as the Uchiha slashes the air with a kunai, before managing to lose his balance and send him crashing to the ground again.

'YOU EMO NUTT-JERKER! You could of taken Volt's nose off, you prat! For _Kami's_ sake, I just saved your arse, again, so I would appreciate it if you could control your urge to kill something FOR JUST ONE SECOND!'

Voltage growls at him and backs up further behind me.

Sasuke sits up, groaning.

'You? What are you doing back here?'

'Saving your butt, but don't worry, I've already gotten the idea you're not all that keen on having me around…so that now that _I_ have beat up the Sound Nins _and_ taken their scroll, I think I'll just speed ahead and get to the tower.'

I turn back to Sakura, noticing Lee seems closer to the ground than before.

'You're on your own properly from now on. I'll be shooting off in a moment.'

'What?'

*Thump*

'Oh, Sakura. Why did you drop Lee like that?'

Sakura spreads her now empty arms wide.

'First you come and defend us from this weird ninja, then you run off, come back with _that_,' she points at Voltage, 'and that thing,' she points to Kumori, who screeches angrily. 'And now you're going off again?'

'Yes, but don't worry, everything that could've gone wrong has already passed, so it's smooth sailing for you guys from here on out. Trust me, all will be well and you'll pull through.'

Before Sakura can reply, an idea jumps into my head.

'Oh, except for one thing. You remember that guy called Kabuto? He's a wanker, kill him if you see him. Seriously. Arse-hole of the world. If he comes up, acting all nice and sweet, stick a kunai in him and tell him to-'

'GET OFF!'

Everyone's head whips around.

Naruto was up and trying to push Voltage away from his face, who had decided to introduce himself rather than wait for me to ask.

'Hey! Naruto! You play nice with Voltage!'

'Get this monster off me!'

'_Pocket _Monster, thankyou. He and Kumori saved your collective behinds. And seeing as that you're now awake, I can head off knowing you're all fine.'

I motion Voltage over, who speedily responds.

'All right, we're off. Everything going to be peachy, so enjoy your time in the scary death-forest without fear of evil ninjas coming to steal your socks.'

…

'Oh, and don't forget to wake up Lee.'

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Forest of Death (Outside the Forest Fortress/Castle) **

The tower is huge. Designed like the ancient buildings so proudly on display in Kyoto, and constructed like a real-life, 3D experience of the Tin Tower from Pokemon (Soul)Silver/(Heart)Gold/Crystal by a Nintendo team with more money than the whole of Belgium who weren't afraid to go for realism and staying true to the story (and setting) of the game instead of slapping Nintendo stickers over everything and sending molesters dressed in giant Pikachu costumes to terrorise the public.

Freaking crap.

I've reached the Forest of Death's centre, scrolls intact, in A DAY AND A BIT.

We walk out past the remained of the trees into the cleaning were the building stands, while Kumori waits in the branches of one of trees.

The fox and I stride forward and with a gentle push, open the twin doors.

I avoided being killed by everything, punched Orochimaru in the spine, badly poisoned a Sound Genin and made Sakura use a "WTF Wide Blank Eyes" anime face.

This is a good day for me.

I bend down and give Voltage and good back rub. His fur feels light and crackles with static if you do it fast enough.

First pet I've ever had were you could use him as an alternative fuel source to power your home by just scratching his belly.

'All right, everybody, this is were you get off. It's nothing but ninjas from here on out.'

I stroke Voltage's head.

'You did a very good job back there. I couldn't be more pleased with the way that went.'

The fuzzy animal purrs happily.

I take a small step back. There's a small bang and a puff of smoke and the Jolteon is gone.

I turn back around towards the forest and give a wide wave my hand.

The purple bat spreads her wings and glides down, to rest flapping besides me in mid-air.

I smile at Kumori.

'It was wonderful meeting you properly for the first time. Thanks for all the help.'

The bat screeches happily and, with another small bang, vanishes.

I turn back and walk into the tower's foyer.

About six and three quarter steps into the room I stop, and pull out the two scrolls.

Drawing a mental circle on the carpet and placing an 'X' in the middle, I whip open the Earth scroll and place, no, throw it on to the ground while fumbling to get the Heaven one open.

Flinging it onto the Earth scroll to form a slightly lopsided 'X', I back away from the smouldering papers with the nasty fore-knowledge that they'll blow up in face at any moment.

There's an unnervingly loud bang, accompanied by its volumetric equal in smoke, followed by the hazy emergence of a large, humanoid figure.

'So, you did make it, after all. Anko _will_ be surprised.'

**_'WHY WON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!_**'

**Hello, holiday time for me! Does it mean more chapters for you?**

**I have no idea… This is nothing to do with the reviews (THANK YOU ALL!), just my freaking time managing skills, damn it! **

**THIS STORY WILL NOT DIE. IF YOU CAN WAIT, IT WILL COME.**

**This is probably the most condensed (and, I hate to admit it, freaking **_**rushed**_**) chapter I've written for the series so far. It was actually supposed to go on for two whole chapters, until I realised that I'd never have a single hope in hell of finishing the chapter by the time University rolls around again.**

**Better news yet, I've got another story in my head somewhere, following similar yet darker themed lines than this one, revolving around Orochimaru "acquiring" (and I use that word completely acknowledging its original meaning) a son. I'll give a shout if I decide to start.**

…

…

…

**Uh…**

**I don't really know what to say at this point. **

**No. Honestly. I've drawn a blank. **

**Oooohhh, wait. Cool random thought. Putting Anko Matarashi from Naruto in a room with Motoko "The Major" Kusanagi from Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex.**

**Yeah, it is a neat thought, isn't it? **

**You want to know what else is neat?**

**Making a parody of the opening Naruto song that goes: "We are Fighting Tachikomas…" **

**Oh, yeah. You want to see that on Youtube now, don't you?**

**Admit it.**

**Yeah, you do. ^_^ **


	17. We interrupt This Story for a News Flash

My heart is heavy with the greatest sorrow, for I am heading back to Uni and, once again, this story will have to lie in dormancy while I'm off studying.

No, like before, I'm not abandoning the story. It'll just be sleeping for a time.

I wish all the readers and reviewers of my story the best luck for the New Year and I hope all your endeavours are successful!

I would also like to formally post a new story ideas board I came up with during the final days of the holidays. I'm announcing the creation of some new stories that I will be working on in addition to my current title. Any suggestions, personal thought and ideas are welcome. And if anyone is particularly keen on any of the ideas presented here, do send a reply along. We all need encouragement and emotional support.

However, if anyone would like to adopt one of these stories to develop themselves, I have no objection so just send me a message.

So, what tales may yet come for 2011…

_**~Intertwined Identities**_**~ Naruto:**_ Everyone goes to the Naruto universe, but not many go as a group stuck in form of their favourite characters from a cosplay stage. Nothing they can't deal with, until the one dressed up as Orochimaru starts behaving weirdly and exhibiting traits too similar to the real one..._ (Adventure/Horror)

_**~High Tide: Spartan of the Flood~ **_**Halo: **_Smart and ruthless, such are the Graveminds; linked across the vastness of space, untouched by time. The monument to life's sins, hidden deep on Sigma Halo, has learned from his other Graveminds what has prevented the Flood's conquest of existence: A Spartan Super-solider. But with the UNSC and Sanghelli forces closing in on the ring to destroy it and Brute commanded ships arriving to avenge the fallen Prophets, Gravemind has more than a good opportunity to experiment... _(Sci-fi/Horror)

_**~Devil's Water**_**~ Naruto: **_A Nuke-nin from the Hidden Snow Village comes to pay his respects to Zabuza and Haku's graves, only to find grave robbers helping themselves to the fallen Shinobi's possessions. After a bloody massacre, the young Seiketsu is given the Mist Demon's headband in a dream, and wakes up with it clutched in his hand. Turns out the Kubikiri Houcho needs a wielder and Zabuza can spend his eternity with Haku if he "donates" his Demon self to another. Seiketsu just wishes he could get rid of the sharp, serrated teeth_… (Supernatural/Adventure)

V.A.E. ^_^


	18. Think These Things Through

_**I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Nor do I own Jackie Chan Adventures or any of its affiliates… Sadly, I think Nintendo owns me by now… [Bought Pokémon Black. Now have female Serperior with awesome nature. Life=Good ^_^]**_

_**Special note: I will be skipping over the majority of the preliminary fights. There are fan-fictions out there that can kick the arse off any of my possible attempts to do justice to that part of the story and I really don't have the time. Two more chapters, and THEN THE OROCHIMARU/HOKAGE FIGHT!**_

_**Aside from that, you all know the drill. ^_^**_

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Forest of Death Tower**

Okay.

So…Ibiki.

I summoned Ibiki.

I sigh.

'…Why?'

'Someone of sufficient rank was required to watch you.'

'And no one needed torturing in the mean time?'

'The Chuunin Exams are a strenuous time. Every Village participating is on their best behaviour due to the political implications of the affair, you understand.'

He smirks.

'Besides, if anyone is going to be tortured, I can guarantee that I'll be picking up said person from here.'

Excuse me?

'But you just said-'

'Just because it's advisable that all participants are on their best behaviour, that doesn't mean there aren't people here who can't take advice.'

Oh.

'So..'

'Like I said, the Chuunin Exams are a strenuous time. For all concerned. I should also point out you are still under surveillance.'

I frown.

'Such a pity, too. You're just an hour or so behind the record for getting here with both scrolls the fastest. Without any assistance, no less. If such a thing weren't so suspicious, I'd congratulate you.'

'Look, either run me in or let me go. It's the waiting I can't stand. Yeah, so I did well, did it ever occur to you that I trained really freaking hard for years before attempting the Exams, which is why I'm also freaking older than anyone else?

'The oldest ninja in this year's Exam is thirty-nine, with his similarly aged team.'

…

Jeeze, where are the Shinobi course counsellors when you need them?

'…Perhaps you should inform them about other possible career options?'

Ibiki's face replies for him.

'Can I go now? And, actually, where do I go if I can?'

'You'll have to wait until the five-day Exam period is up. In the mean time, you'll be given a dormitory in the building and be supplied with meals. However, you can't leave the building at anytime or until you are required as part of the next phase of the exam. If you do so, then I get to pick up my torture victim. Clear?'

_***Twitch***_

Clear? Oh, I'll give you clear…

'DON'T YOU HAVE SOME POOR, DEFENCELESS MISSING-NIN WHO YOU CAN TORTURE?'

'Unfortunately, most missing-ninja tend not to be very defenceless.'

'AHH, SO WE'VE NAILED IT DOWN TO AN EASY MEAL, HAVE WE?'

'Unless you want me to start yelling, keeping in mind that I can yell quite louder than you, you might want to take a deep breath before continuing.'

…

'You're a mean person.'

'Better.'

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Forest of Death Tower**

The room I've been escorted to is pretty bland.

A bed and a very small side table and chair. The room itself isn't much bigger than an office cubicle. The walls are painted in beige and the floor is wooden. There isn't even a window.

'There's a bathroom facility just down the hallway at the end of the corridor. Meals will be provided to you in here.'

I turn back to Ibiki.

'Yes, I get it. Staying, good. Leaving, _very bad_.

'I don't suppose you'd let me summon one of my animals to keep me company? Only I know if I don't ask and I summon one, you'll come and kidnap me and do horrible things to me for conspiring against the Leaf Village, for some reason.'

Ibiki gives me a hard look.

'Please, I just want to have someone to talk to. I won't summon a flying one, or a really small one or anyone that could get out of here easily.'

'You have _more than one _kind ofsummon?'

'Well, yes. Rather than having a contract with a particular creature, what I have is really more of an affiliation with different species of the same basic kind of animal.

It's kind of complicated.'

Ibiki's face is unreadable. With any luck, he'll want to know what kind of summons I have, more than ruining my life.

'It will have to be collared with a tracking seal and registered.'

'Which is doable, yes?'

He huffs.

'I'll return shortly.' He makes a funny hand gesture.

There's a "poof" (complete with smoke) and a cloaked ANBU with beaked mask appears.

'Hawk will be keeping you under surveillance until my return.'

_**~10 minutes later~ **_

This is officially the most strained and tortured silence I have ever had to sit through.

Robin, the Boy Wonder, just sits there looking at me.

ANBU masks are creepy.

No eyes, a weirdly-shaped face, some random lines of colour drawn with the artistic grace of a five-year old with poor hand-eye coordination.

The hell it looks like a hawk, or any sort of bird for that matter.

Hell, if you painted the beak with straight lines and put a black tip at the end, he could be a close relation to "Mr. Scribble".

Actually, no he couldn't. Mainly because I liked Mr. Scribble. This guy looks like he belongs in American Mcgee's macabre "Alice and Wonderland".

…

I sigh quietly.

…

I wonder if Anko found Orochimaru? If she did, she must be playing the 'keep it quiet' card like in the series. Otherwise, I don't think Ibiki would be giving me any leeway. Actually, he probably would've started torturing me already.

_***Poof***_

Well, speak of the devil.

Ibiki fades into view holding a large, brown collar with a sealing tag attached to it.

He turns to Hawk for a moment, who apparently is telepathically telling him that nothing got messed up during the ten minutes he was gone.

He turns back to me.

'Well, when you're ready.'

Unfortunately the long, lingering silence I was forced to endure with Big Bird has taken its toll.

'Does it annoy you that I'm the biggest security risk your village has ever seen and you're doing whatever the heck I say?'

There's a moment of silence. Then Ibiki smiles.

'No, it doesn't. This is mostly because you have no actual skill beside luck.'

My eyelid twitches.

…well played, Ibiki.

Very well played.

'Do you intend to stand there all day or would you like to continue?'

I humph.

'Fine, please stand back.'

Ibiki take a step back. Hawk remains standing.

After fiddling about for a minute and a half trying to cut up _yet another_ part of my body with a kunai, I gather enough blood on my finger and run it down my tattooed arm.

Dragon…

Snake…

Tiger…

Dog…

Horse…

Tiger…

'_**Kuchinose No Jutsu! Sei Ryoku!'**_

A superb amount of smoke bursts forth into existence. After about a half a minute, it fades away to reveal a large creature.

Lounging lazily on the floor, is a massive cat, the size and shape of a mountain lion.

Its fur is pale tan, with the exception of its black-rimmed ears, and a brown whorl at the end of it tail.

Standing out from its fairly commonplace appearance, is a red jewel in the centre of its forehead. However, this is offset slightly by one, little fact…

'…Is that cat wearing sunglasses?'

Holy crap, the ANBU can actually talk!

The cat lifts a paw to its face, and in a delicately hand-like fashion, brings the large pair of sunglasses down slightly to show its yellow, predatory eyes.

'What did you expect?'

Holy crap, my Persian can actually talk!

Sei Ryoku, said Persian, stretches out on the wooden floor with a long, low meow-like yawn before flopping over onto his back.

'So, are you all going to just stand there, or is my belly going to get a rub any time soon?'

I look back up to Ibiki.

'So…do you like him?'

He looks back down at Sei Ryoku, who is still flopped over on his back.

'Considering you summoned him, he's exactly what I expected…'

I glare at him.

You sir, dare to insult the girl who caught all the original 151 (Yes, Mew TOO!) Pokémon on her Pokémon Blue at the age of 14?

I'd slap you if I didn't know that you could kill me so fast I wouldn't actually know I was dead until about five hours after I died.

Ibiki steps forward and bends down to the Classy Cat's level.

Sei Ryoku stops shifting around on the floor and bends his head upward past the sunglasses to look at Ibiki.

'Fear me…if you dare.' He snarls, lazily.

…

'I'll try.' Ibiki retorts.

Ibiki begins the collar placing procedure.

After about a minute of purrs, twitches and '…just under the chin, could you scratch there for a second…?' from Sei Ryoku, Ibiki shifts to his full height, leaving a fully collared Persian to flip over onto his belly.

Sei Ryoku licks a paw in a deliberate manner.

'Just so you know, I may have put up with the collar, but if you try to attach a chain I will have to use your leg as a scratching post.'

Ibiki's face remains impassive.

'We'll keep that in mind.'

He turns to the Hawk ANBU. 'Head back to your post. I'll meet up with you shortly.'

Hawk bows, and disappears into smoke.

Ibiki turns back to me.

'The tracking collar will ensure that your summoning here won't go anywhere he's not supposed to. It also means he can't be unsummoned until its removal.'

Sei Ryoku twitches an ear. 'Harsh…Real harsh.'

Ibiki ignores him and continues. 'Aside from that, you and your summoning will be under constant watch for the next five days until the Second Exam has ended. At that time, I will arrive to remove the collar. I'd happy let you do it, if only for the fact that the collar responds only to my chakra.'

'So nothing bad happens to me if I try and touch it?'

'Only that you'll experience something akin to burning and electrocution.'

Ouch.

'How sweet of you to warn me.'

'Think nothing of it. I don't.'

Ibiki straightens. And disappears.

I look down at Sei Ryoku, who is stretching out his fore limbs and back.

'So…you talk?'

The cat groans in satisfaction as his arched spine makes a slight popping sound.

'I can also sing, but it'll cost you a large fish or something of equal or greater value.'

I sigh.

I walk into the small room and sit down on the bed. Sei Ryoku waltzes in with a slow, swaggering gait. With a flick of his fuzzy tail, the door swings shut.

The male Persian hops up onto the bed and lies down across my knees.

'Well, we've got a few fun days ahead of us. I say, start petting.'

'Don't you think you should be standing guard over me in case anyone tries to kill me while we're waiting in here for the next few days.'

The cat twitches a whisker. 'I can hear footsteps on the wooden floor being made by people in the foyer. I think you're safe enough.'

I raise an eyebrow. 'You any good against creepy snake guys who can move through solid structures?'

'Fake Out surprises them, and then Slash puts them on the floor in pieces. Faint Attack if things get really serious.'

I sigh. 'Maybe I should do some of those exercises Gai taught me just in case…'

Sei Ryoku yawns.

'It doesn't really matter what you do, just as long as I get a back rub every half hour.'

***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Forest of Death Tower**

It's been five days since then.

After five days of reading the same book, staring at the wall, and writing imaginary letters to my family in my head and dining on cooked rice and a fish side-dishes (the fishy parts mostly going to Sei Ryoku), I have finally had enough.

I'm so homesick.

I miss everyone, even the people I wouldn't miss under normal circumstances (damn you, nostalgia…).

And what makes it worse is that I really have no back-up plan to anything. I only really wanted to be with Orochimaru.

In a truly sane world, Orochimaru is one of the last people who you would want to have a relationship with. I mean, honesty and trust are right out the window, it would be a very subservient relationship, and ninety-nine per cent of the time he would more than happy to do you in if it meant getting someone who was stronger and more talented out of it.

Damn it, if I wanted to be involved with anyone back home, I wouldn't do it unless I was pretty sure they genuinely cared about me.

I would probably also request a list of known genetic diseases in his family and a DNA sample.

Liking him is so naïve. I mean, all he is is an intelligent, cunning, slightly insane, slithering, collection of every phallic symbol ever thought up by mankind…

I unconsciously cross my legs.

But really, everything I like about him is based purely on a physical attraction. That pretty much means I'm no better than a Sasuke fangirl.

I shudder.

It IS just like liking a really good looking man who's completely self-absorbed and has no interest in anyone but himself. What does that say about me? Does that make just as superficial as anyone else?

Well…he is highly intelligent, to be sure, but I swear his ego cuts off the supply of oxygen to his brain. And, for all the jutsu he's learned, why does he only ever use his snake-based ones?

But then again, he really comes up with some really amazing things, and you can't say he isn't good at thinking up plans.

But THEN, you have the one MAJOR problem which is that he is extremely sadistic and uncaring, and has little or no empathy.

BUT…he has a voice that makes various parts of your body tingle.

…

Damn…I must be crazy…

But if try to ignore him, which is going to be extremely bleeping difficult considering I recently spent most of my energy making damn well sure he would remember me long after our initial encounter, then what the hell do I do for the rest of "Naruto"?

Let's face it, if you have very few options about what you want to do with your life in an anime based in a chakra-using, ninja-inhabited world, one of the first things you do is join Orochimaru.

Unless you're good enough to be recruited into the Akatsuki.

A knock comes from the door.

From the floor, Sei Ryoku yawns and licks a paw.

'It's no food-server. Scarface is back.'

He stands up and flicks his tail.

'Not a moment too soon. This collar is itchy… and tacky.'

The door opens. Ibiki walks into view.

'The next part of the exams is about to begin. I'm here to lead you to the main area.'

Sei Ryoku growls.

'…and I'll even remove the collar.'

After a moment, with a slight readjustment to his sunglasses, and a 'so long, and thanks for all the fish.' from Sei Ryoku, the Persian vanishes with a poof of smoke.

Ibiki moves towards the open door.

'Well, you've had some time to think. I not obliged to say anything, but I would think that quitting is probably your best option at this moment.'

I look down at the floor.

'Maybe…'

I look back up at him.

'…but I think I would be happier with myself if I accepted the consequences of my actions. You never know when things will turn out right for you.'

Ibiki and I move out of the room and into the hall.

'So, no regrets?' he asks.

…

'No, you should never regret anything, really. It doesn't change the fact that at one moment in your life, that was exactly what you really wanted.'

**Ah, ha! Surprise! You all thought I was dead, or I had gotten a social life, didn't you? Well, no to both of those, really. I'm back for the holidays!**

**Yes, this is non-, plot-gathering chapter but it's worth it because the next chapter will to carry through the epic Hokage Battle Royale! And get this, I am ACTUALLY writing it now! **

**From now on, every time a Pokémon is mentioned, I'll put some data about at the bottom of the page. Here are the ones for Voltage, Kumori and Sei Ryoku **

**(Keep in mind, these Pokémon are from my old Pokémon LeafGreen edition, but some from my Platinum and maybe even my Black game might be introduced. Remember, MIGHT):**

**Jolteon (Male) - 'Voltage' Lv.80 (Quick Claw) **

**Lonely Nature, Hatched: Bond Bridge (Lv.5) **

**Thunderbolt, Double Team, Quick Attack, Thunder.**

**Crobat (Female) - 'Kumori' Lv.87 (Aspear Berry) **

**Calm Nature, Met in Seafoam Islands (Lv. 28) **

**Bite, Poison Fang, Wing Attack, Confuse Ray.**

**Persian (Male) - 'Sei Ryoku' Lv.70 (Black Glasses) **

**Relaxed Nature, Met at Bond Bridge (Lv.40) **

**Slash, Fake Out, Pay Day, Faint Attack.**

**In addition, a lot of my Pokémon also have Japanese names. Look them up and find them out for the next chapter. Increase your knowledge! **


	19. The Good, The Neutral and The Pervert

**I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Nor do I own Jackie Chan Adventures or any of its affiliates…**

**One hundred reviews for this grammatically incorrect nonsense? I feel so loved! Seriously, I expected to be lynched by now.**

**EVERYBODY READ WHAT IS WRITTEN BELOW THIS SENTENCE SO THAT NOBODY GETS CONFUSED.  
**

**THIS IS VERY, VERY, VERY IMPORTANT. I HAVE TRIED ALL HOLIDAYS TO WRITE THE CHAPTER ABOUT THE PRELIMINARY CHUUNIN FIGHTS, BUT IN THE END I COULDN'T. THIS CHAPTER IS ABOUT _WHAT HAPPENS RIGHT AFTER THE PRELIMINARY FIGHTS_! I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE (OR TO A CERTAIN EXTENT, WILLING) TO WRITE ABOUT THESE FIGHTS FOR VARIOUS REASONS, BUT SO THAT I DIDN'T DISSAPPEAR WITHOUT ANY REAL CHAPTER TO SHOW FOR IT, I JUMPED ONE CHAPTER AHEAD. **

**By the next update, after I return from Uni, I will add in the Chuunin fights chapter. Maybe even as a retrospective piece. For now, I'll leave it up to your imagination...**

_**Aside from that, you all know the drill. ^_^**_

The stadium/auditorium slowly began to clear out, including the disappearances of a few ninja off for medical treatment or other duties.

Yet a few turns and twists down a barren corridor, away from the lighted, echoing arena, a lone figure navigated his way through the cavernous building, out of sight and entirely out of mind.

There was a soft 'tap, tap, tap' of sandals on the titled floors as a grey-haired youth strolled almost leisurely down the narrow hall.

Making what was another of the numerous turns he had made so far, the Sound Shinobi entered into yet another of the countless beige coated halls.

Leaning at ease against a far right-hand wall, rested a pallid man in black and crème garb with a Sound headband, a small lock of his charcoal hair lightly wrapped around a single long, white finger.

"How nice to see you again, Kabuto. I almost started to think you weren't going to turn up…"

The medic looked slightly sheepish.

"I've just returned from the hospital."

"Ah, yes. And how is Dosu doing?"

"Well, the group claim some sort of bat-like creature poisoned him, but I have my doubts. I have yet to hear of any species of bat, summoning or otherwise, that produces the kind of necrotoxin I found within his blood system."

"And your prognosis?"

"I was able to create a moderately successful antidote, but the damage by this point is too severe, not to mention the toxin had penetrated his spinal cord."

Kabuto straightened his glasses.

"He won't live long enough to see the end of today."

The Snake Lord let his hair slide off his finger and settle into place.

"Pity. At least Zaku and Kin have been left for my use. Now I'll need another sacrifice in order to summon all three of the _former_ Hokages…"

Kabuto unconscientiously looked away. He knew full well he had nothing to fear; just another unlucky soul was once again to be obliterated for Orochimaru's goals…

But there were still more urgent matters to attend to.

"You wanted a background check on our Sand kunoichi?"

Orochimaru closed his eyes, the purple kohl-like markings merging together. Although no visible sigh had been given, Kabuto knew he had been given permission to proceed.

"She was apparently fond outside of the Leaf Village a few days ago, having fainted after preforming a taxing _Katon_ jutsu. She claims to be from the Sand and has the headband of a Sand Shinobi, but there are no official records of her".

"Hmm, I suppose she'll be dragged off for interrogation when none of the other Sand ninja can verify her?"

"Well, considering what we've seen, I thought it would be nice if the records turned up, if only to keep her around a little while longer."

Orochimaru chuckled.

"How thoughtful of you, Kabuto. But this is all basic information. I had hoped you'd found out something a bit more…_interesting_."

Kabuto steeled himself.

"You know of our little 'friend' in the Konoha Torture and Interrogations Unit?"

Orochimaru clicked his tongue lightly. "Oh, yes. I take it he has found something worthwhile about this little mystery?"

A shard of light caught on Kabuto's glasses as he lowered his head ever so slightly.

"Quite a lot, actually." He said traces of his smirk leaking in. "As senior officer in the Security and Smuggling division he was tasked with searching through her possessions, to find any secret documents or hidden weapons and the like."

Orochimaru tilted his head. "Let me guess, Ibiki-kun couldn't be there to witness it?"

"Sadly, other duties needed his immediate attention. Considering the girl was under custody at the time, the search procedure wasn't of the highest priority, regardless of the odd circumstances."

"So, I take it _certain_ items were left off the list of objects found after her bags were searched?"

The smirk widened to show teeth. "Perhaps you would like to see for yourself, Lord Orochimaru?

From an unknown location, Kabuto brought out a small stack of photographs.

"Sadly, all the items you see here had to be returned to the bag, in order not to incur suspicion from either Saiyan or Ibiki."

"And Ibiki?"

"The official file only shows the basics of what was in the bag. No one outside our friend and Saiyan knows about any of the others. Soon to be only Saiyan herself."

A pale, gloved hand passed the photos to an even paler one.

Dark, golden eyes caressed the top image. And then widened.

A leather-bound, red and black wallet with the stern visage of Itachi Uchiha upon it.

The snake's eyes flicked back up to meet those of his subordinate.

"There's more."

Orochimaru began to flick through them.

Orange books depicting him, the fox-brat, Sasuke and the like, a small metallic chain with a miniature totem of Jiraiya hanging off of it, papery foreign currency, odd clothes and material, an bizarre electronic device, and drawing books full of drawing of…him!

Etched in various mediums of graphite, pastel and charcoal, sitting almost naturally among drawings of various animals and plants, were depictions of him.

"I saved the best for last."

Kabuto procured a worn-out looking, black, leather-bound notebook. The spine was nearly completely frayed and one of the corners looked like it had been severely burnt.

"This was recovered from the site of the fire jutsu just outside the village. Somehow this survived the resulting blaze."

Orochimaru accepted the item and begin to turn through the pages.

Writing in words he had never even seen before were scattered throughout the pages. Only one word he could recognise was 'Japanese', which appeared from time to time throughout the book. On occasion, another recognisable word or two was found, yet there seemed to be no connectivity between them and the rest of the book's contents.

The other words were all strange little symbols grouped together in odd clusters.

"This language…" the finger flicked over another page, "is unlike any I've ever seen."

His lips parted as a thick, serpentine tongue slithered out.

"Fascinating…"

Yellowing eyes from beneath his ebony curtain of hair flickered to the medic.

"But there's still something you're not telling me…"

"Look at the last page."

The Sannin spread the back cover open.

Not just drawings, but _photographs of him_.

Printed on paper, each of the small images had been glued into the blank back of the book. Some were a full body pose; others were just close-ups of his face…

Some were of him in his normal clothes, other in his Sound Jounin uniform…

There was even one of him…as a child…

…

"Lord Orochimaru?"

The smile that had dissolved into a blank stare was suddenly replaced with a full-fanged grin.

"Issue all of our men with photo ID and a description of this girl. During the invasion, I want a specialised tracking squad sent out to retrieve her. She is to be taken alive in an undamaged a condition as possible, is that understood?"

"Yes, Lord Orochimaru…"

Although not apparent to anyone who wasn't as familiar with Kabuto as the Snake Sannin was; the man squirmed uncomfortably, clearly bothered by something.

"…Sir, I would like to request something."

Orochimaru gaze was elsewhere, but the medic knew he had his Lord's attention.

"Speak."

Kabuto cleared his throat.

"Sir, wouldn't it be safer to a send a small team to retrieve her now, rather than waiting for the invasion? There is still the possibility that she is aware of the plan to attack Konoha…"

"Don't forget, Kabuto. Her dramatic entrance caused a lot of attention from many people. And now even more interest has been sparked now she has qualified for the final round of the exams. Do you really think it wouldn't go unnoticed if she vanished under mysterious circumstances? There is probably already a few ANBU monitoring her activities…"

"But what if she knows about the plan...?" Came the reply.

Orochimaru raised a haughty eyebrow.

"And what if she does?"

He lifted himself off from the wall.

"She is talented, but inexperienced at fighting. I already know she can be caught off guard easily. And I doubt her summonings can pose much of a threat."

"But how do you know she won't inform the Hokage?" Kabuto blurted out before he could stop himself.

This time, Orochimaru laughed openly, his trademark 'Ku, ku, ku' echoing down the hallway.

He finally regained control of himself.

"Poor Kabuto, you clearly don't know a fixation when you see it…"

The Snake Sannin held up the last page of the notebook for the medic to see.

"There is no fine line between love and obsession. Both are the same. The same parts of the brain are triggered; the same natural ecstasy is produced and smothers all rational thought. She knew I could've snapped her neck clean off had I so wished, but that didn't stop her from staring."

Orochimaru closed the book with a resounding 'snap'.

"She won't tell. I know she won't."

If Kabuto thought the statement sounded foolish or blindingly self-confident, he didn't say. He knew the conversation was over and he now had to act on his Lord's orders.

He straightened himself out and prepared to leave. "Very well, Lord Orochimaru. Anything else?"

"No, just make sure you monitor Sasuke Uchiha. Let the girl have her moment of peace for now…"

"_Hai_, sir."

The medic turned away from the Sannin and headed off door the corridor to the faraway exit…

But before he had vacated the hall, a hissing voice caught up with him…

"Kabuto, keep in mind I will be very displeased if she turns up dead…"

He fixed his glasses.

"Understood, Orochimaru-sama."

_***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Bed, Morning After Preliminary Fights**_

…zZz…

…zZz…

…zZz…

…Zzzzz…zzz….*Yawn*…

Huh?...

…

…Aw, go away, sun…

I rolled over a glanced at the clock. 9:30 am.

Probably should wake up now…

Half snorting into my pillow as I try to yawn, I manage to lift myself partially off the mattress.

No Gai or Lee coming to track me down today…

First shower, then breakfast…

After a lengthy period of waking myself up, making myself presentable and trying to ignore the voice in my head screaming at me to go back to bed, I haed across to the little kitchen area.

I open the fridge.

The smell of overripe plant matter and sour dairy products overwhelm the kitchen.

After hastily scooping out the oozing remains of the fridge's contents into the trash receptacle, I remind my previous statement.

"Correction".

"Shopping then breakfast".

_***Saiyan's/Cyan's Point Of View* - Streets of Konoha **_

I really should plan these things out better.

I'm currently strolling (my definition of strolling is basically hugging a wall and trying not to make eye contact with anyone) down somewhere a block or two from my apartment, trying to find any food and produce stands that I can buy some supplies from.

It isn't easy considering I'm repeatedly getting odd looks.

Rather than wear my ninja gear, I opted for a pair of olive green shorts and a small, black t-shirt with (of all things) a picture of Gir in his dog suit from Invader Zim on the front.

Looks like no one here has ever seen a green and black cartoon dog sing the Doom song before…

Another couple walking past me stop for a few minutes to stare, before hurrying on, whispering to each other.

I cast my gaze down so low I can see my toes through the zori, while my insides squirm in embarrassment.

Should've worn the ninja clothes…

I zip past another staring person and cross over to the other side of the street and around the opposing corner.

I really wish I could find someone to show me around.

I look from side-to-side at the stores down the road. There's a bar or something, a butchers by the look of it, nothing really helpful…

I round a corner, opening out into a wider, two-lane street.

Maybe I should just go to a restaurant…oh, wait. Naruto cleaned me out…which means I have no money to spend on food anyway…

Nut-bunnies, I'm freaking broke.

"I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FISH FOR YOUR TRAINING; I HAVE MY RESEACH TO CONDUCT!"

I snap my head (figuratively) back up to the sound of the noise.

Jiraiya!

"Research, my butt! I's not like I have anything better to do than to hang around with a pervy old coot like you!"

And Naruto!

I'm saved!

I break out into a light jog.

Ahead of me is a tall man with waist-length, spiky white hair tied back into a long pony tail, with two shoulder-length bangs that frame both sides of his face. He also has red lines running down from his eyes and a horned forehead protector with the kanji for 'Oil' on it.

He is wearing a short, green shirt kimono and matching pants; under which is mesh armour that showed out of the sleeves and legs of his outfit. His outfit is completed with hand guards, a simple black belt, traditional Japanese _geta_, a red cloak with two simple yellow circles, and a large scroll on his back.

He is currently staring down at a young, sunshine-haired boy in orange, in an annoyed fashion.

"I've got to train until I'm stronger than anyone, 'cause I'm gonna pass the Chunin Exams!"

Naruto points at him.

"And then someday, I'm gonna become Hokage!" He finishes.

Jiraiya stares at him from a minute. Then turns his face away and huffs.

"Huh, that's a good one. Tell me, did you fall on your head when you were a baby? Is that what makes you this way? Now I know you're wasting my time!"

He swings back to face Naruto.

"That's enough! I need to get on with a research, and for that I need a lovely lady! No fruits, no vegetables, but a LADY!" He finished dramatically, wiggling his fingers in front of Naruto.

If I weren't trying to give a positive impression, I would probably answer that with 'She'd need to be a vegetable to go out with you.'

Sadly, the time has passed. Now to make an entrance.

"Do I qualify?"

One pair of dark eyes and one pair of blue eyes shift upwards in surprise to meet my own, brown pair.

The Sun-kissed wonder child recognises me at once.

He puts a hand behind his head. "Hi, Saiyan-chan!"

I wave slightly at the boy in response.

Jiraiya says nothing.

I try to sallow, fail, and decide to continue anyway. I hold out hand to Jiraiya

"It's a pleasure to meet you. I've heard many great things about the Legendary Toad Sannin."

For a moment, the older male gives me a blank look…

…then his eyes light up, his face pinks slightly and a funny looking smile spreads across his face.

"An adoring fan, I'm utterly flattered."

Yeah… Considering your reputation, you probably don't get many _female_ admirers.

He practically glides over to where I'm standing, suddenly sounding a lot more suave.

"But may I say it's much more of a pleasure for me to meet you, fair maiden?"

I can't help it, I blush. Badly.

If I could strangle the giggle that nearly erupted from my throat, I would.

I mean, I'm around 'hitting-on-age', but I'm not really…voluptuous.

Well, the Gir top was a few years old, and while the size of it remained the same, my chest sure hadn't…

Before the conversation can continue, an orange blob pushes himself between us, waving his arms to try and attract attention.

"Ahhh, Don't bother with him, Saiyan-chan! He's just a pervy old man!"

Jiraiya's face suggested he wanted to kick Naruto clear over the Hokage Monument for saying that.

"Kid…" he hisses through clenched teeth.

I'd better step in before he summons a toad to squish Naruto.

'I'm actually looking for a temporary teacher. You see, I need to learn-"

Before I know what's happening, a large arm has swooped around my back and is directing me away from the gobsmacked blonde.

"Well, you'll find no better teacher than me, the magnificent Toad Sage! First, we'll start off with some light stretches and once you've worked up a sweat from that, we can help you gain some endurance from a bit of _topless_ swimming-"

"RAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH! KAGE-BUSHIN NO JUTSU!"

In a heartbeat, a multitude of small, orange ninjas bury the Legendary Porn-Writer under a screaming, writhing mass.

The top one winks and smiles at me. "Don't worry; we'll beat up this lousy pervert for you, Saiyan-chan! Believe It!"

An angry yell comes from beneath the pile.

"Graaaahhhh! You little pest!"

There's a large, sudden burst of chakra and Narutos fly everywhere, popping out of existence with a plume of smoke.

Jiraiya stands breathing deeply before coming nose to nose with an equally angry (now the only remaining) Naruto.

"You brat! What did you think you were doing, attacking me like that! I should leave you hanging upside-down from the Hokage Tower for that!" He bellows.

Naruto gives him the evil eye and responds in an even louder voice.

"Oh, yeah! Well, how about you, you disgusting _Ero-Sennin_! I should tell the _Hokage-Jiisan_ you were trying to make girls swim _naked_ for you!"

Jiraiya's face becomes so red, I can no longer discern where his tattoos begin and end.

"_I_ would _never_ ask for something that outrageous! I mean, if she really wanted to, I don't see why not, but-"

Okay, No…Just no…

"Look, all I wanted was someone to help me learn how to walk up trees and on water! I didn't ask that you two bite each other face off!"

Naruto sucks in a big breath to begin another tirade, but I cut him off.

"Yes, Naruto. I am well aware he's colossal pervert, but tell me this, weren't you going to try and get him to teach you buy using the Sexy Jutsu on him? Hmmm?"

Naruto's held-in breath dissipates as a blush of embarrassment covers his face. He lets out a nervous giggle.

Jiraiya's anger is replaced by confusion. And possibly interest. "Sexy Jutsu…?"

Naruto turns to him, all traces of his former anger gone.

"Oh, yeah! Get a load of this! Believe It!"

He brings his hands together in a hand-sign.

"Huh!"

There's a large, smoky explosion, which disappears (somewhat) to reveal a naked, Sailor Moon look-alike.

Jiraiya lets out a series of…happy noises?

Really odd happy noises.

…And now he's on fire. Literally.

The blonde bombshell titters playfully.

"So, what do you think?"

Jiraiya gurgles, then makes monkey-like sounds, then gurgles again.

A joyful smile overtakes his face and he raises his hands into thumbs-up positions.

"We got a winner!"

He produces little wooden planks from the folds of his jacket.

"A perfect ten!"

'Naruko' and I sweat-drop.

I try to bring the conversation back to where I want it.

"So, will you teach Naruto and I the Water and Tree-Walking technique?"

I catch a small red line coming out of Jiraiya's nose and trailing down his face.

"Yeah! Sure kid! I'll teach yah! _Ohhh…This is one amazing technique…_" He says, moving from side-to-side to see 'Naruko' at difference angles.

The golden-haired maiden giggles happily.

"On one condition, though…"

Oh, Dear…

'Naruko' pouts "One condition? What is it?"

I intervene.

"No, Naruto will not be in his Sexy Jutsu form. Sorry."

The girl's pout is replaced by disgusted disbelief, with in turn is replaced by a young boy's disgusted disbelief.

"I KNEW IT! You ARE pathetic! You're nothing but a lousy, little pervert!" He cries, pointing his finger at the white-haired man for emphasis.

"I am not a little pervert!" The older man retorts.

"Oh, Yeah?"

Okay, I'm tired of this…

"No, Naruto. He is not a little pervert. He is clearly a _**big**_ one."

Jiraiya does the finger waving thing.

"Damn straight."

Naruto face indicates he is either biting his tongue, or is constipated.

Maybe both.

_**An Hour Later, By the Hot Springs Stream **_

"So, you don't know how to walk on water or up trees?"

"That's pretty much it."

"That's pretty sad. You must've learned some of the basics by now, considering your age."

"Hey, you try learning how to walk up trees when you live in the middle of a desert." I grumble under my breath.

Jiraiya did (eventually) take us down to the stream that filled the Hot Springs.

He had already finished talking to Naruto, who was now trying his luck at the technique.

Since Naruto hadn't received the Five-Pronged Seal from Orochimaru, he was freely attempting to walk on the water, thankfully.

If he had been sealed, Jiraiya would've asked about Orochimaru, and Naruto might of told him what occurred in the Forest of Death.

Not something I wanted everyone to know just yet.

"Well, you might as well try walking on water first, since it is the harder of the two."

He continued, "If you can get the hang of water-walking, it makes walking up trees just that whole lot easier."

"Since the water continually fluxuates, but the tree and other solid surfaces remain fairly stable and constant?"

He looks at me in surprise, then gazes away, scratching his head.

"I wouldn't have put it quite that way, but… yeah, let's go with that."

What? Was that too technical for you, Great Ninja Sage?

"Also, you might have at least have worn your head-band, so I didn't mistake you for a civilian."

"I forgot it, Okay? Hell, I was originally going out to buy food, before I remembered I treated Naruto to ramen and he cleaned me out."

His eyes wander down suddenly. For a minute, I think he's staring at my chest, before I notice he's looking slightly to the right of me…

"What's that on your arm?"

I hold it up. "It's my summoning tattoo, _Ryokuyou_."

"And what exactly do you summon, if I may ask?"

"I'll show you."

I walk up to the river bank.

"I had kind of already had this idea on how to achieve water walking before I met you."

"And how were you going to go about it?"

"With a little inside help."

Jiraiya raises an eyebrow.

"…_Inside_ help?"

I smile.

"I'll show you."

_Snake…_

_Rooster…_

_Rabbit…_

_Tiger…_

_Dragon…_

_Rabbit…_

'_Kuchinose No Jutsu! Splasher!'_

_***Poof***_

What I summoned is some sort of composite creature; sharing the physical traits of a fish, a dolphin, a cat, a dog, and possibly a few other animals as well.

(Like some sort of genetic booyabase).

It is a quadruped with three small toes on each foot. It's body is light blue and it has a white, fin-like ruff around its neck just behind its head, along with yellow ears made of webbing and a fin on its head resembling its ears.

The creature also has a pointed pattern of dark blue on its head that encompasses the backs of its ears and head-fin, and blue ridges that run down the length of its spine and on to its tail.

A tail, by the way, which is a remarkably mermaid-like, finned tail.

Jiraiya gaps openly at the Vaporeon, while Naruto stops his water walking to look…before sinking into the water and leaping out with an anguished cry.

"_That_ is a very unusual animal."

The glittering, blue creature nudges my hand happily, purring in in contentment.

"He's awesome, isn't he?"

"And just how is it supposed to help you with the water-walking technique?"

I just smile.

"Splasher, Acid Armour!"

God, I've always wanted to say something like that out loud with playing Pokémon.

The Vaporeon begins to glow a soft, chakra-like blue, before jumping into the water.

…where upon it becomes transparent and shimmery, before dissolving into the liquid itself.

"Splasher can merge with water."

Jiraiya's lower jaw reaches the dirt and Naruto's second water-walking attempt once again ends in failure.

The Toad sage quickly recovers.

"I had heard a rumour or two going around Konoha of a ninja summoning mystical creatures. Looks like there might have been a bit of truth to it, after all."

"Well, I'm actually from Sunagakure. I've come here for the Chuunin Exams, ask Naruto. We're both in the finals together."

Yeah, my mind is totally focused on the abitary fights that'll have no real significance (baring Shikamaru's performance) other than to facilitate an invasion by a mad ninja.

Jiraiya gives me an odd kind of light smile.

"You've taken a real shine to the little squirt, haven't you?"

I laugh.

"Naruto is awesome. Kind of like you. First glace you thinks he's got an empty space in-between his ears, but look again and he's really got something going for him."

"…and what do you mean 'kind of like me'?"

"Nothing."

He half-turns and huffs.

"You're lucky I'm not the kind of guy who picks on fragile, young girls."

_***Glare***_

"I'd respond to that, but I would have to cover Naruto's ears."

I turn around to face the water.

"So, I focus chakra into the soles of my feet and try to suspend myself on the water's surface with it?"

"Pretty much."

I take a deep breath in.

I feel the swell of chakra inside of me. Not knowing exactly how to push it to my feet, I imagine it traveling physically down from my centre, as if it is flowing osmotically through in my legs, down to the bottom of my feet.

The soles of my feet are suddenly warm. It's as if I'm standing barefoot on hot cement after a 30 degree sunlit day.

I lift a foot over the water.

The liquid ripples slightly as I lower my foot over it. I try to ease off on the amount of chakra being sent to my lower limbs.

The water calms.

I place a foot down.

Instead of sinking through to the bottom of the stream, the water seems to hold oddly in a membrane-like fashion, as if I'm standing on a water-bed.

I force more chakra back into my feet, and place the second limb on the surface of the river.

This time, it feels more like I'm standing on something harder.

I begin to walk.

Right foot…

Left foot…

Right foot…

_W-wobble_…

Left foot…

Jiraiya was right. With enough chakra in my feet, I can walk on the water's surface, but I have keep adjusting the amount of chakra I use.

Right foot…

Left foot…

Right foot…

_W-wobble…_

…_W-w-wobble…_

Balance…gone!

Something dense emerges under my foot. The water collects and seems to become more solid…

The liquid takes on a light blue hue as a (still merged partly with the water) finned head appears under my foot, holding me up from slipping into the water and helping me regain my balance.

A gentle cooing, watery sound reaches my ears.

"Thank you, Splasher."

There's a swish and a kunai knife dives past my feet at the blue apparition.

The liquid creature gives a gurgling cry and disappears. And so does my ability to walk on water.

…leaving me to fall into the stream.

I come back up, sputtering.

"WHO THE _HELL_ THREW THAT?"

A loud, angry call erupts from the river bank.

"You're the one supposed to be doing it yourself! Don't count on your summonings to help you do something basic, or you'll never learn!"

I look at the smirking Jiraiya.

"THAT WAS CALLED 'ACTIVE ASSISTANCE', YOU FAT SACK OF-"

"If you can't do it yourself, then you're probably too weak to be a Chuunin, anyway!"

Alright. Jiraiya is going to _die_.

I raise an arm and point it at the Sage.

"Splasher, Water Pulse!"

The finned head of the Vapoureon shoots up suddenly above the water besides me, a small beam of what looks like light collecting in its mouth.

With an ear-splitting roar akin to a sonic boom, it releases an almighty burst of water, aimed at a dumb-struck Sannin.

Whatever Jiraiya was expecting, it certainly wasn't this.

Two sets of laughter echo across the clearing as an angry old toad is washed down the river.

It took about two hours, and some 'unhindered' help from Splasher, but now I can finally water-walk a Jesus-grade level.

After declining Jiraiya's offer for some time at the Hot Springs after the training, although happily accepting his offer for a bite to eat before-hand, I was headed for 'home'.

Ramen is actually quite filling. A bit like clear soup.

And it's about time someone else got caught in the windfall of Naruto's veracious appetite.

The day-time shoppers had slowly disappeared and the streets now gave way to the somewhat rowdy ninja night-life of sake and late food stores.

That reminds me, I haven't been able to practice walking up a solid surface yet.

I take a look at the nearest wall and place a chakra-laced foot upon it.

Like Jiraiya said, after walking on water, walking on a solid surface becomes that much easier.

This time, there's no rippling, and I'm able to stick to the wall like super glue.

However, a serious case of vertigo prevents me from ascending any higher than my own height. I jump down and start heading off to the apartment.

If I'm going to stop the Hokage being killed, and more importantly, Orochimaru's arms being sealed, I'm going to have to get there before the barrier is erected.

Maybe if I get there really early in the morning and just camp out on the roof until things go down. I do have my Invisibility jutsu so I wouldn't be seen.

It's easier than turning invisible before-hand and sneaking up there while the fights are on. They'll probably ninjas patrolling all around the arena.

But I'd still need to turn up. Or would I? No, they'd treat me not showing highly suspicious. And I didn't exactly get into the Leaf Village by 'normal' means.

…Maybe I can tell Gai I've had second thoughts and have decided to drop out of the Chuunin Exams, that I'm not confident enough…

I'll tell him that. At least I can meet up with him tomorrow.

And in the meantime, I can get training for the Hokage battle.

I reach the apartment block and start climbing the stairs.

Now all I have to do is find a way not to starve to death before then.

…I can't help feeling I've forgotten something…

I reach my front door and unlock it. As I'm stepping inside, a cold breeze gets me right in the face.

I cough…Jeeze, I sound almost as bad as…

…as…

…

"Oh, crap! I forgot about Hayate!"

Hayate's gonna die tonight! He's gonna get murdered by Baka and Kabutard!

No, that poor, sickly-sounding swordsman!

Must. Save. Terminally. Ill. Ninja…(wait, if he's 'terminally ill', what's the point?)

I can't get back there in time, I don't think. Anyway bursting out in front of Hayate, Baki AND Kabuto out of nowhere? No thanks, I choose life.

No way I'd be able to explain my way out of that one.

Let's see…need…someone that can teleport…so a psychic-type…someone who can disable Hayate for a brief period…

Got it!

I know just the Pocket Monster.

_**Rooster…**_

_**Monkey…**_

_**Dragon…**_

_**Sheep…**_

_**Pig…**_

_**Rabbit…**_

'_**Kuchinose No Jutsu! Shourai!'**_

Hayate Gekkō, a _Tokubetsu_ _Jōnin_ of Konohagakure, proctor for the Chuunin Exams Preliminary fights, had been in the process of following two unfamiliar chakra signatures.

He had noticed them only a few minutes ago, and was doing his level best to get close enough to identify them.

What with the rumour Orochimaru had been spotted in the Forest of Death, the security of Leaf Village was at stake and it his responsibility as a Shinobi of Konoha to investigate anything suspicious and/or out of the ordinary.

It was about then he was given the surprise of his life. Literally out of nowhere.

A tiny, mostly green bird with a nearly spherical body, and with accentuations of red, yellow and black, appeared floating in front of him.

Not flying, floating.

It had small, brightly coloured, yellow-and-red wings with thick black stripes, a yellow beak and a red crest on the top of its head, along with red three-toed feet and three red tail feathers.

Hayate stared at the feathered creature. The creature stared right back.

Without knowing what compelled him to do it, he held out his hands palms-upward to allow the bird to rest.

Like a leaf released from a breeze, the strange animal settled into his open hands as if it didn't weigh a thing.

For what felt like an eternity, the two beings stared directly at each other (The two chakra signals Hayate had been following now completely gone from his mind)

He didn't know when, but Hayate realised that he was feeling tired and dizzy, staring into the bird's strange, deep, almond-shaped eyes…that seemed to be looking at…_something_…_inside_…..

…

When he could think clearly again, he found himself on the other side of Konoha, on top of an apartment building, an hour and a half later, with no creature in sight, bird-like or otherwise.

By the time he shook the remaining cobwebs from his head and bolted back to where he had sensed the two chakras, the place was completely deserted.

Hayate grudgingly called it a day.

**You know the drill, Uni-time now! But I left a little gift before I disappeared off of the Earth again. Like I said, I've skipped the chuunin fights, but I'll cover then next chapter!  
**

**See, I explained the mystery behind the bag! And I saved Hayate! Whooo!**

**I miss Jiraiya! Or as Gir would say "WWWWWHHHHYYYYY! WHYYYY, MY PERVYYYY! I LOVEDED YOU, PERVY! I LOVEDED YOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!"**

**Yes, I'm experiencing an Invader Zim revival.**

***'Naruko' = Sexy-Jutsu Naruto**

**Vaporeon (Male) - 'Splasher' Lv.70 (Sea Incense) **

**Hardy Nature, Met in Celadon City (Lv.25) **

**Acid Armour, Aurora Beam, Hydro Pump, Water Pulse. **

**Natu (Male) - 'Shourai' Lv.50 (None) **

**Quirky Nature, Met in Ruin Valley (Lv.15) **

**Confuse Ray, Night Shade, Psychic, Teleport.**


	20. Stuck Between an Invasion and an Exam

_**I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Nor do I own Jackie Chan Adventures or any of its affiliates…Anybody out there going to get Pokémon Black and White 2? Serperior is Best 5th Gen Pokémon!**_

_**Nuts to the Chuunin fights. Every time I try to write about them for the purposes of this story, I end up scrapping the entire thing. So, I'm skipping right to the Hokage/Orochimaru fight! No flashbacks! Hoorah!**_

_**Aside from that, you all know the drill. ^_^**_

***Third Person Point-Of-View***

A handful of days were left for the remaining Genins to have the final training sessions for the upcoming fights. A handful of days left for the lords and delegates to arrive, the Chuunin to organize, the Jounin to teach the hopefuls and the ANBU to set up security.

With the dark undercurrent of a possible attack by Orochimaru known only to the upper echelons of Shinobi, the rest of the Village's population were preparing to receive the oncoming flood of visitors and ambassadors that accompanied the conclusion of the Chuunin Exams.

The Genins themselves were spending every waking moment training, mediating and planning. Some took to training with team-mates, others worked under the supervision of their Jounin teacher; most did much, some did little.

One did everything by themselves.

Saiyan's days took on monotony similar to the one she took under the leadership of Maito Gai's team. Wake-up, train, train, lunch, train, dinner, think, ponder, worry, sleep. Although she hadn't actually created any new jutsus since before the start of the Exams, she practised and revised her current techniques with a single-mindedness previously only known to the Emo Prince himself.

Invisibility now lasted her an hour, minimum, not to mention she felt like she could now, at least, equal _Shippuden_ Sakura with her super-strength.

Despite this, the haunting knowledge of the First and Second Lord Hokage's revival made her tense to a teeth-grinding degree. The Edo Tensei forms of the previous leaders were impervious to any physical damage, and since their minds and individualities are subjugated by the sealing tags inserted by the Snake Lord, mental damage was also out of the question.

Even so, she desperately wanted to learn a genjutsu or two.

She had come to the conclusion that the only real thing she could do to save both the Hokage and Orochimaru was to prevent the Professor from using the Reaper Death Seal to destroy the zombie-fied leaders. The Hokage had to live; he was her only real chance of surviving the battle. His compassion would be the only thing to save her once the fight had been concluded, otherwise Danzo and the like would have her disposed of for what she knew. She would never be able to successfully plead her innocence without him. Orochimaru, of course, was the reason she was going through with the plan.

Somehow, she had to convince the wise Shinobi not to use the Death summoning technique, and the only way to do that was to prevent the revival of or destroy the previous Hokages herself. A task she was sure she would not be able to do alone.

In the mean-time, she had considered the Pokémon summonings at her disposal. Again, strength and abilities wouldn't mean a thing considering the two indestructible opponents. It had to be a monster with a special ability to negate the effects of the Impure World Resurrection technique, and all things considered, there weren't that many Pokémon that she thought had the necessary skills.

In the end, the choice fell to one of her all-time favourites, an amorous Ghost-type with a sneaky move-set. She had, however, yet to summon the creature. He was her trump card, and had to be kept secret from the invading forces for as long as possible.

Something made her apprehensive to call upon anything while Konoha was gearing up to the Chuunin fights. At this time, Orochimaru's activities, and by extension Kabuto's and the Sand ninja's, were a mystery that was not detailed in the manga or anime, and she didn't like not knowing what they were doing. The threat of Kabuto really put her on edge.

This was what had caused her to start summoning Sei Ryoku every night to guard her and the house while she slept.

She'd take paranoia and over-protection over anything Kabuto was capable of.

…

As anyone who has ever taken exams of any kind will know, the date of the Chuunin finals went from an ominous-looking cloud on the horizon (a worrying thing, but thankfully far away, with a possibility of not occurring at all), to the time of a highly dangerous, yet vital, operation (every second ticking away, your future and your entire life about to fall into the abyss with no way to escape, like looking down into a bottomless crevice).

Time marched on, and the final match-ups kept playing back in her mind.

_ Uzumaki vs. Neji Hyuuga._

_ Uchiha vs. Gaara_

_ Aburame vs. Kankuro_

_ vs. Shikamaru Nara.  
Shirubana vs. Dosu Kinuta _

This put her in a tight position. Sasuke showed up last, three matches behind when he was supposed to start. Her match was the last one, with the now deceased Dosu, but with the Uchiha's tardy arrival there was no way of knowing whether her match would occur before the exam-ending showdown with the Kazekage's demon-containing son.

It really shouldn't have mattered to her. Orochimaru was the only real concern that she had. But…she did rather like the idea of becoming a Chuunin, to get a bit more of a higher ranking, to not have people ask why she was still a Genin at her age.

There was also the fact that, once she interfered with the fight, her entire cover was blown. The Hokage (if everything she planned came to fruition) would want to know how she knew about the Snake Sannin's invasion. Her entire story would come crashing down. And she would either by permanently handed to Ibiki, or disposed of altogether.

In fact she was surprised that she had gotten away with everything so far, anyway. Didn't they find the Naruto manga and the books in her bag when Ibiki searched it?

She didn't like it, but she liked thinking about it even less. There were more pressing things to worry about.

She only hoped saving the old man's life would be enough of an altruistic deed to prevent that.

Orochimaru, on the other hand, would scrap any plans he had of recruiting her and would no doubt put her on the top of his murder list. The destruction the of Leaf sat only a step or two below achieving immortality, learning every jutsu and uncovering the meaning of life, the universe and everything. He would never believe she interrupted his attempt at terrorism to save his life (well, arms but still).

Which was a pity, considering she seemed to be even more enamoured with him than before in the Forest of Death.

Seeing him up-close in the forest and in his disguise at the the pre-lim fights hadn't helped the matter. Not a good attitude to have when she was sure that he was going to do everything in his power to kill her after this debacle.

…

Dawn, as any people will tell you, is the coldest time of the day. No matter how hot the day before, all of the heat will dissipate over the course of the night, leaving early morning chilly at best.

The new day's heat hadn't even began to warm the streets and the buildings that made up the Village Hidden in the Leaves, and the early morning serenade of bird song carried on the frosty breeze, was only broken by the surges of awakening from the village's residence.

Unbeknownst to the civilian and Shinobi population of Konohagakure, an unseen figure was trekking through the high streets down to the Exam arena.

Saiyan had woken at least an hour before her alarm was due to sound, but had simply risen at that time anyway. She was too excited/nervous/worried to bother with the extra sleep. Besides the earlier, the better. She wasn't going to be discovered on her life-determining mission and dragged off.

This was just too important.

She had dressed in her Sasuke-esqe top with her Jounin-like pants and zori, complete with her snake necklace, headband and weapons (no wrist-watch again, though), and was currently sneaking off under the guise of her invisibility technique.

Torn between wanting to get there as fast as possible and wanting to get there without anyone knowing that she had, she hadn't bothered to use her super-speed jutsu, and instead had opted to take the low over the high road and simply walk there.

For all of the filler episode's gaff about Naruto taking the extra-long scenic route to the Exams, the trip was uneventful and she arrived early than she thought she would.

The arena was, from what she could see, unoccupied. She strolled around the outside of the huge stadium and gazed up at the higher levels of the building that surrounded the oval-sized fighting pit. No one that she could see.

'Now, for the fun part…'

After four and a half nauseating ninja-leaps, the jittery girl sat on top of the tall building where the Hokage battle royal was due to take place sometime that day, trying to avoid siting on the near-frozen titles that made up the roof.

Here she sat, riding the inclining middle ballast of the roof like a saddle on a horse, trying to remember the up-coming events of the day that would lead to great battle of warriors of which she would play a part.

That, and why she had forgotten her jacket back at the apartment.

Oh yeah, she hadn't had any breakfast either, had she?

'All I want, at this very moment, is a hot plate of eggs and bacon'.

***Five hours later***

In the midst of the earth-shattering fight between the Last Uchiha and the youngest of the Kazekage's sons, a lone ANBU among everyone there flipped through several hand signs and created a massive genjutsu, releasing whatever it released into the air over the stadium in the form of snow-white feathers. Soon everyone began to grow tired almost instantly. Soon, everyone in the audience fell into a deep sleep. Most of the Jounin and higher ups in the crowds recognized the genjutsu and reversed it quickly before they could be entrapped by it.

Blurs of brown and tan-coloured Suna Shinobi attacked strong-standing Konoha Shinobi. Several younger-looking Konoha Chuunin valiantly started fighting against the aggressing Suna ninja, only to be slaughtered from behind by dark purple wearing Otogakure soldiers. Explosions echoed across the entire battle arena.

The rest of the stadium's occupants slumbered on.

…

At the same time this was happening, a huge group of Suna fighters, being led by a small number of Otogakure ninja, stood in a wide circle just outside the border of Konoha.

They were all gathered in a circle and had focused their shared chakra into the centre point of this huge formation, roughly seventy yards wide. One of the Otogakure Shinobi carefully walked into the centre point of chakra and opened a tiny phial, containing a sickening black substance. He opened it and poured it onto the ground. He rushed out of the circle and joined his other loyal brethren and focused their chakra along with their allies from the desert.

Together they all shouted,

"_Kuchiyose no Jutsu!_"

Then a massive cloud of smoke erupted out from the circle. And then, busting out of the immense smog, three enormous snakes launched out of the smoke. Each of them covered in black _tomoe_ markings, far eclipsing the ones Orochimaru summoned while in the Forest of Death.

One of the Otogakure Shinobi managed to climb up and give the summoned-beast orders. He told them to destroy the village as much as possible, and to show no mercy. The snakes obeyed, just after one of them sneakily ate the Shinobi that had given them the orders in the first place.

The snakes made their way through the forests, destroying all of the plant life that stood in their way. At the border of the village, atop of Konoha's massive wall that stretched across the entire city, several Konoha Chuunin were slaughtered by skilled Otogakure ninja. And those few Konoha ninja that were not killed by the invaders were crushed to death by the snake summons.

As the snakes made their way to the tower and killed all of those that were atop the tower on guard, collapsed onto the wall and created a huge, gaping hole into the wall. The debris that fell back down to the earth crashed onto the houses and stores that stood just below it, destroying their foundations.

The destruction was just beginning.

…

High atop the building over-looking the arena, figures had gathered in and around a towering purple, box-like shield. It reached into the sky, securely sealing off the roof of the building. At each of the corner points of the simmering construction, a figure clad in a tunic stood, hands seemingly pressed against the shield. Cut off from the rest of the roof by another separate wall, they provided the energy for the force-field while remaining cut-off from attack themselves.

Masked warriors stood just before the purple shield, tensed but silent, unable to either help their lord or hinder their opponents. Watching in a way similar to how one watches a jet plane that is falling towards the ground; with horror and anxiety-born excitement, but rendered immobile and unable to act by shear circumstance.

Inside the force-field, stood two men.

Both wore long robes, one clad in white and red, the other in white and blue.

One old, but imposing; the other pale, but menacing.

Locked in a threatening embrace.

The snake-like man held the kunai just under the old man's chin and stroked his face gently with the blade. Half caressing, but full of threat and promise.

The aged leader made no move, and stood firm.

Words were exchanged, the kunai tasted flesh and blood, the invader loosened his grip and the two figures strolled almost leisurely away from each other.

The aged leader's hands ran through a set of signs with familiarity, but the attack was rendered ineffective as his opponent leapt high into the air. The serpentine villain, a sickly smile on his face, spat out his tongue which turned scaly and deadly as it made its transit towards the Hokage.

The fangs bit deep into the flesh and the Sannin smiled scornfully, before he noticed something was off.

His target's skin darkened and started to melt. Orochimaru slurped his tongue back in in an irritated manner as the mud clone fell away. Golden eyes shifted their attention to something in the corner of his vision.

Mud, running down the slopping roof with the force of a waterfall, carried the traitor near off his feet. Hands shifting from sign to sign, the Lord of the Sound Village was already on the counter-attack.

The Leaf's Professor let his additional surprise be known.

A great flaming dragon head appeared at the top of the mudslide, shooting off a large burst of fire, turning the mud bullets into super-heated projectiles.

The snake-like man's screams rise and fall as he is buried beneath a wall of fire and earth…before his laughter takes its place.

The arch-villain rises up from the ground like a ghost and turns to look at the man who was once his teacher, who in turn, gazed stoically back at the other.

Too bad neither of the two combatants picked up on the sound of sandal-clad feet on roof-tiles.

In a swirl of smoke, the white-faced man reappeared a few feet away from the older ninja.

At an unseen signal, both warriors tore off their garb. The Hokage ripped off his official robes to show skin-tight under cloth and mesh, covered by samurai-like, gun-metal black armour with matching skullcap. His opponent revealed a split, crème-coloured tunic covering grey Jounin-esque pants and a black long-sleeved turtle neck.

Oddly enough, the Sannin had managed to hide his huge and unsightly purple rope in its weirdly pulled bow under the Kazekage robes with little difficulty.

Chakra filled the air around the two Shinobi, sending debris from the cracked roof tiles floating up into the air. Both prepared to attack the other…

…Then the snake man let out a choked noise and his pale face partially caved in on itself.

For a brief moment, the Hokage just stood there with an oddly dumbfounded look on his face.

Another blow, this time to the stomach area, appeared and the wayward student was pushed away, slightly bent over in pain.

Orochimaru regained his footing.

He too looked like he hadn't a clue as to what had just transpired…

Then a second later…

…His golden pupils shrank and his white face tightened in pure fury.

'_**You!'**_

Sarutobi reckoned that he had never before held that simple word spoken with such malice.

Orochimaru struck his hand out, seemly trying to grasp onto something. For about a second he swiped the air in front of him, looking for all the world like he had lost his mind.

There was the whap-like sound of skin suddenly meeting skin and the cry of a choked human rang through the air.

The pale hand had caught _someone_.

**Cliff-hanger of DOOM!**

**I've just spent two weeks in the country for a university course and I'm exhausted. This was originally going to span half the Hokage/Orochimaru fight, but I couldn't make it. I'm already back at Uni so I'm going to spend all of this weekend in a coma. But I still put out this chapter because you're all great.**

**Also, it builds tension, adds drama and I get to skip right to the action when the next set of holidays come around!**

**Metal note: None of this has been thoroughly checked for correct spelling or grammar. There's bound to be some mistakes in here, and it drives me mad whenever I find them in one of the published chapters.**

**Why is it only now I just figure out what a Beta is?**


	21. We Don't Fight Fair

I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Nor do I own Jackie Chan Adventures or any of its affiliates…I order you to type "Rock Lee & His Ninja Pals" into Google. The power of ninja-themed anime compels you!

I have lost all interest in Naruto Shippuden. That is all.

_**Aside from that, you all know the drill. ^_^**_

***Third Person Point-Of-View***

Having achieved his aim of catching the oddity, the Snake shinobi straightened himself and brought the hand holding his invisible prey closer to his face.

Orochimaru tightened his grip on the neck, fingers poised to break the spinal column in two. There was a small, choked sputter.

"What are you doing here, _girl_?" he hissed, dangerously.

Before a coherent reply could be given, the Sannin was assaulted by a fist-full of shuriken, which forced the villain to relinquish his hostage and leap backward to avoid the projectiles.

There was a long, dry hacking cough and small droplets of what was assumed to spittle started covering a small patch of the roof tiles. The ceramic clink of sandals on the tiles was heard as the entity tried to right itself.

Orochimaru, however, wasn't one to be kept waiting and rushed at the spot the noise originated.

There was a hasty gasp from the invisible person, and suddenly the Sannin was sent skidding downwards along the tiles by a kick to the left side of his ribcage, only managing to slow his descent by the application of friction and chakra via his hands and feet.

The Third Hokage took a few steps/leaps forward where the coughing noise had resumed, sounding slightly less gut-wrenching than before.

***Saiyan's Point-Of-View***

…Breathe…Need air…*_cough, cough cough_*…

I run a hand over my neck, flinching. The skin feels bruised and tender to the touch. I retch a few more times till my throat is cleared.

"H…He-Hello, Lord Hokage."

"…Saiyan? What are you doing here?"

"You-*_cough_* …help..."

I stand up straighter and get my breath back. "I'm here to help you. Yu can't fight Orochimaru by yourself." I reply, finally.

"It was foolish of you to attempt this." The aged leader responds. "I take it you were a part of this plot."

I flinch at his tone of voice. "No, I wasn't! I had no intention to allow him to achieve his aim of killing you or destroying the Leaf Village."

I continue, "I fought him in the Forest of Death. I can at least hold my own against him, and you need an ally-"

The Hokage interrupts in his gruff voice, "You are in no way capable of taking on someone like him."

"But, sir…"

"You've trapped yourself here with me." He grunts, "You're a viability, one that Orochimaru won't hesitate to exploit."

"But sir, he's going to use the Edo Tensei technique develop by the Second. He's created a working version of the jutsu!"

The Hokage turned, shocked and disbelieving.

"How do you know about this?"

Damn it, brain! I wasn't supposed to tell him anything!

I straighten up and look him in the eye. "I _will_ tell you. Just not right at _this _moment." We both turn back to the fight.

The Snake Sannin is back up on the top of the roof, and is staring at the pair of us. His face tilted slightly downwards and his cold, yellow eyes gaze out from behind a curtain of black hair.

"I am no longer amused with you, girl…" he hissed through clenched teeth.

Something in the region of my chest twists in a painful manner. I take a breath, and level my voice for what I am about to say next.

"I am not going to allow you to kill the Third Hokage."

The snake's white face tightened into a sneer of rage and contempt. His black hair shifted in the breeze.

"And just who are you to defy me, _Saiyan-chan_?" he spat out the word as if it tasted foul. "I am not the type to show mercy."

I swallow hard, wincing as the motion sends pain shooting down my oesophagus.

"I am well aware of that, but I still have no intention to stand idly by while you attempt to murder him."

His yellowish eyes narrow and darken.

"Then you can die here with the old man!" he snarls, and his arms extend forwards to reveal a flurry of greenish-brown snakes from his sleeves.

There's a quick but firm shove by the Hokage as he shifts in front to shield me and cast his own attack.

There's an intense blast of hot air and fire which swamps the summoned snakes and reduces the attack to ashes. Orochimaru has vanished from sight.

I found myself back-to-back with the Hokage. "Keep close to me." He says.

There was a loud crash as part of the roof seemed to implode on itself, causing a shower of plaster and fragments of the heavy stone tiles to rain down on the ninja.

From the dust cloud, two large wooden coffins appear, each with kanji engraved on the lid.

God damn it, he's started it already!

Sarutobi's eyes widen at the sight. He quickly rushes forward while he moulds his hands into a sign and suddenly a wave of concentrated chakra radiates from him.

Over by the standing coffins, a third begins to emerge from a miasmic vortex, its ascent slowing coming to a halt halfway out. Inch by inch, the wooden casket begins to sink back down, until it disappears into the void along with the summoning portal that it came from.

From behind the two remaining coffins, a golden eye watches haughtily.

"At least the Third one has been stopped…" The Hokage breathes heavily.

That's it, it's time. If I wait any longer, I might not get another chance at this. I ready my hands and start to channel my chakra.

Pig…

Horse…

Tiger…

Dragon…

Snake…

Rooster…

'_**Kuchinose No Jutsu! Rei Obake!'**_

The familiar seal marking appear in their characteristic shape on the tiles and a large plume of smoke rises up from nowhere, accompanied by a loud bang.

I wait for him to appear. The wispy smoke quickly clears away…

…There's nothing here…He hasn't appeared…

What?! That's not possible! I…I did the summoning right! There weren't any mistakes; I didn't mess up in applying my chakra! What the hell happened!?

Hiruzen has turned back to face me.

Cold laughter from behind the wooden caskets is carried across the roof.

"Looks like your own attempt at summoning was a failure, Saiyan-chan." came the hissing voice, dripping with scorn. "And here I thought that you had some talent. It appears I was wrong…"

…This is a disaster. Rei was my only damn shot at stopping the summonings and preventing the Hokage from using the Reaper Death Seal.

Over across the roof, the two large coffin lids fall open out onto the tiles, revealing two figures clad in old-stylised armour. Whispers of barely contained fear and horror echoed around the barrier. The Hokage lets out a pained gasp.

The former Hokages appeared not to have decomposed to the extent that one would expect for humans dead for over sixty years. The armour seemed too clean; the skin looked papery and dusty; completely unlike the natural decomposition of organic matter. The bodies themselves looked too full and didn't appear desiccated in any way, almost like they were actually mannequins of the departed Shinobi rather than the original corpses.

The figures step outside their wooden caskets with painstakingly slow, stiff movements in a completely unnatural fashion. Their murmured voices sound dry and devoid of emotion.

The Hokage is in shock.

The large coffins disappear in a plume of smoke, leaving the two former ninjas standing blank-eyed stony-faced at Sarutobi and I.

Overhead, greyish storm clouds cover the sun and bathe the arena in a darkened haze.

From an unseen place, the Snake Sannin pulls out two kunai knives, each end tied to a long strip of paper covered in seal markings. He smiles mockingly at us.

What am I doing?! I need to get over there! I have to stop him!

I take a step forward

A hand shoots out and places itself firmly on my stomach area.

What the-?! How could he-? He _saw_ me?!

A strange sound brings my attention back to Orochimaru.

With a leisurely motion, he brings up one of the kunai to the back of the head of the Second Hokage, and pushes in the tagged kunai, causing the motionless figure to shift forward slightly from the force. Repeating this with the First, he let his now empty hands hang down as he stepped away from the two.

The two dead ninja began to produce a sickly, vile, not-quite-chakra energy and eerie smog begins to roll off their bodies as the missing gaps in the skin and armour start to fill in. The pale, dry, papery look that the skin had slowly being replaced by a darker pigment, with a more natural, elastic texture.

Orochimaru stands back and lets out a soft cackle. "Heh, heh, heh…Now they're complete."

Hiruzen chokes back a sob. "Demon…" he whispers, trying in vain to hold back the tears. "They look just the same as I remember…"

The Snake Sannin purrs delightedly at his teacher's distress. "Have you ever felt the joy and fulfilment of humiliating and destroying the one you once called _sensei_?"

He pauses to allow for the question to sink in. "No?...Then perhaps vicariously through me you'll get a taste of what I mean…"

"Just a taste, before you _**die**_." He hisses, ending the sentence in his most malevolent tone of voice.

The un-dead figurers take a few tentative steps forward, before breaking into a run.

The Firs continues on, heading straight towards us, while the Second quickly runs up to the top of the roof and rushes along the central brace.

Oh, nuts to this. It's time to freaking do something!

I duck down into a low kata and wait for the First's approach.

One of the watching ANBU calls out something to Sarutobi just as The First Hokage makes it to me. I pull back my fist and let it fly.

_***CRACK!***_

My fist hits him right on the armour, which leaves my knuckles stinging horribly, but the punch itself sends him up and flying only to smack face first onto the roof tiles quite a few feet away. A fleshy punch behind me alerts me to the fact that Hiruzen is dealing with the Second. I turn back, only to have to duck out of the way as the Third sends the reanimated ninja flying over his head.

The Second flips himself back into a standing position, while the First pulls himself up from his face-down position on the roof.

Hiruzen brushes past me. "Shield yourself!" He calls at me.

He locks his hands into the Tiger position, before inhaling a seemingly impossible amount of air.

"_Fire Style: Dragon Flame Bombs_!"

He exhales a titanic stream of fire.

Across the roof, the second Hokage brings his own hands together in a sign.

"_Water Style: Water Shockwave_!"

Water droplets condensing out of thin air, brought about by the enormous chakra surge begin to merge together at an astounding rate. The materialised water starts to flows around the shinobi pair, coalescing and swirling into a fantastic column of foaming water; the force of the giant water spout sending gaze-force winds gushing across the rooftop with a thunderous roar.

The Katon jutsu attempted by the Third merely vanishes off the surface of the watery cyclone in a cloud of steam.

While the single living Hokage phases out his attack, I glimpse something unusual just out of my range of visions. I turn sharply to face behind me.

An orb of blackish energy, pulsating slightly, with purple light reflects off of its surface. It's hanging a few feet off of the ground, slightly up the slope of the roof. It grows with every passing second, new layers of darkish energy being added to it, until it's as big as a Namekian Dragon ball. By this point, everyone on the battlefield has their eyes on the glowing oddity.

Rei?

Suddenly, and without warning, the energy sphere blasts off toward the immense water spout.

Like a cannonball into the side of the hull of a ship, the blackish-purple plasma orb barrels into the rushing typhoon.

In a single instance, the purple plasma blows apart with a ground shaking explosion, disintegrating the liquid shield/attack and spraying the condensed water all over the battle field.

There is a sharp intake a breath. "What is _thisss_?" the Snake Sannin snarls furiously, the esse's drawn out in anger and confusion.

With the Suiton attack tossed to the wind, The Second Hokage charges ahead while the First steadies himself on the tiles, hands in an interlocked sign.

There is a quick gust of wind besides me as the current Hokage rushes to meet his predecessor.

What should I do? Should I attack Orochimaru or the First? No, the First is changing his attack, I have to keep out of reach of him. I'll go for Orochimaru…

Huh...?

The First of the Fire Shadows seems to freeze. There's still no expression on his face, or movement of his body, but the malevolent chakra he was gathering has…just stopped…?

Wait…

…What the hell is that…?

A sickly green ring, glowing like the chakra blades that Kabuto uses has formed on the tiles creating a circle around the First's form. The light casts a pale glow over the man's features, causing his face to become shrouded in flickering shadows. Apart from the Third Hokage who is still battling with the Second, all heads turn in the direction of the anomaly.

From over the roof, the Snake sucks in a harsh breath. "What?!"

Skin and armour turn a pale sawdust colour and with a the sound of shifting sand, the First Hokage lets out a breathless sigh…and dissolves into dust and the body of Zaku is revealed. The green ring disperses with a bright flash of light.

The Tensei failed?! What the he-

"_WHAT HAVE YOU DONE_?!"

I turn, and freeze.

Orochimaru's eyes have shrunk to miniscule pinpricks, bright and yellow with a gaze like a sharpened knife. His whole body is trembling from pure rage.

He hisses, _really freaking hisses_, at me. "This is _your_ doing, isn't it?!"

He charges. I half-leap to side and roll, grazing my arms on the tiles. A nasty sounding crunch echoes from where I once stood. I move into a crouch position. Orochimaru stands further off to the side, surrounded by shattered tiles.

"You've interfered enough, _brat_." He snarls.

He presses a hand to his stomach area. His cheeks bulge and he makes strange, choked noise. He tilts his head back, mouth opened wide, and a greenish-brown snake reaches up from out of his throat. The snake, in turn, opens its own mouth to wretch up a sword.

The blade extends, and he pulls it from his mouth. The Legendary _Kusanagi_ broad-sword.

I jump. There's a gust of air that brushes past me. I leap up higher onto the top of the roof. The crème and black blur follows, glinting metallic slashes coming closer and closer, the blade slicing through the air.

How the hell is he doing this?! I'm still invisible, how does he keep finding me?!

Each time I leap away, he's already there, each slash of his sword getting closer and closer. He turns one way and another, to the point I can't tell exactly where the sword is coming from with each strike.

I can't do this! I can't get anywhere near him with his sword!

The blade isn't glowing, but his use of the sword is staggering. He moves and twists like liquid lightning.

There's a searing pain in my right leg.

"_**AAAAHHHHH**_!"

I try to leap away, only to flinch in pain while doing so.

I land, crumpled on the tiles, holding my leg in agony. Oh, s**t…

The invisibility jutsu has either worn off or has been cancelled by the attack. The blade has left a long cut down my right leg, curving in an clean arc around the knee-cap.

It's the deepest wound I think I've ever had, the skin has split open like the flesh on a cooked hotdog. Blood runs down my leg in an almost continuous stream, and the slightest movement sends white-hot pain everywhere.

God damn, if he hit me with a horizontal cut I'll lose the whole thing.

The Hokage was right, even with all my jutsus, it only put me just on his level and he's has so much more experience than me.

Something green out of the corner of my eye catches my attention.

The Hokage has stopped his fight with the Second, who is trapped within the same green ring as the First was.

A hiss quickly brings me back to my own situation.

The Sannin brings the Kusanagi blade up to his face, which I suddenly realise is still dripping in my blood. He looks down at me, a coy and malicious expression playing on his face.

"My dear, I thought you'd be able to keep up with me." He purrs in mock-concern, "You seemed so confident during our last battle..."

He gives the dripping end of the sword a long lick, collecting the accumulated blood on his tongue. He swallows the coagulating liquid and slowly licks his lips.

"I think I shall be kind to you, _Saiyan-chan_." He continues, "A quick and painless death, despite your constant _annoyances_…"

In his hands, the sword begins to glow a lightsaber blue. My eyes widen and a shiver runs down my body. Oh, Kami-sama…

The Snake smirks, and places both his hands firmly around the scaled hilt of the blade. "…Such a pity you chose this demise for yourself." He rasps. He moves to swing it upwards…

…And with his arms behind his head, both hands firmly grasping the hilt of his sword, the blade is stuck in mid-swing.

Something wrenches the blade out of the Sannin's hands.

The sword flies up, spinning into the air, only to fall side on and tumble down the roof with loud, metallic clanks. He turns to watch it fall, stunned.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PUNCH HIM!

He's going to ***king kill you in a minute!

I haul myself to my feet, nearly supporting my entire self on my left leg, wincing at the god-awful, mind numbing injury. Swinging an arm back…

Almost in the slow motion, he starts to turn back to face me, one furious eye flashes at me like golden fire.

A uppercut punch to the underside of the chin.

As hard as I freaking can!

_***SMACK***_

In an almost prophetic mimicry of Tsunade's final punch in the Sannin battle, Orochimaru's head snaps back under the force, before his feet leave the ground.

He sails across the battle field. The Sannin seems to be slightly stunned from the attack.

Oh, God! He's moving too fast!

Unconsciously I try to move towards the side of the barrier. Searing pain puts me back on all fours, half crying half screaming.

I've got to catch him or something! He's going to hit the barrier! He'll be killed!

There's a whoosh and a sudden wave of receding chakra… and the purple shield drops.

The Snake Sannin continues his transit through the air, now absent from the glowing barrier. And the idle shinobi situated around the building swarm onto the roof.

Orochimaru continues to fly across to the roof of one of the neighbouring buildings. With a swift, near-invisible twist, the Sannin rights himself before impact and lands crouched and firmly on his feet. His hair flies forward and obscures his face.

The Sound Four, now visible and unshielded, leap after their master under the assault of the ANBU forces. A web attack from Kidomaru and something else from either Sakon or Ukon renders most of the tailing ANBU dead or unconscious.

The Oto-nins surround their leader protectively. There's an attempt to help him up, which he viciously brushes off. He straightens up, fury-filled yellow-green eyes burning holes into the gathered shinobi.

"This means nothing. What you call a victory, I call delaying the inevitable. This just the beginning." He hisses, venomously. He stands straighter and addresses Sarutobi directly.

"Time will wear down this worthless collection of huts, just as it has reduced you to decrepit old fool. Mark my words; I will crush this withered leaf and raze this wretched village to the ground!"

And there a hair-raising moment as he _turns to_ and addresses me. _Only me_.

"As for you, _girl._ You will pay dearly for your intrusion. If it's your wish to burn along with all the vermin, then I'm happy to accommodate you."

Bile rises into my mouth, and my eyes start to sting…

The noise of sandals behind me signify that more of the ANBU forces have shown up. One by one, the Sound Four flee from the area and vanish. ANBU now crowding the rooftop

Despite the fact that he is surrounded, neither he nor the ANBU make any move. Considering who they're dealing with, I'm pretty sure they know they can't take him on.

"No matter where you go, I will find you, and when I do…"

The wind catches his hair, and for second, I get a glimpse of a single, vemon-coloured snake eye.

"_**I will kill you."**_

A concentrated wave of air blasts half the roof to smithereens, sending ANBU flying like rag dolls and smashing into the neighbouring buildings.

I put my arms up over my head as the bits of roof fragments rain down upon the area.

I glace back up. The roof, now half destroyed, is vacant of life.

Putting my head in my hands, I let out a strained, breathy sign, trying to hold the tears back.

There's a funny noise behind my head…

_And the world goes black…_

***Third Person Point-Of-View***

With the Sand Junchuuriki having been subdued by the Genin Team 7, and the surviving invasion force either killed, captured or having fled after the death of the Forth Kazekage was confirmed, the remaining Konoha Jounin force had their duties split between rescue work, clean-up and high-risk guard duty.

The majority of the ANBU squads were either split between I&T support or acting as temporary personal guards for the Hokage and Clan Heads and other high ranking officials. With the large number of delegates to this year's Exams, a single slip-up after this already catastrophic mess had the potential to ignite a political quagmire.

Not a good option considering how shaky the situation already was.

Although, not as shaky as it currently was for an estranged Australian…

Saiyan was currently located in one of the high-risk interrogation rooms in the I&T department, after a medical team had healed her of her injuries, including the leg wound given to her by Orochimaru's blade. Currently in a half-conscious state thanks in part to low chakra (stress from battle and chakra-draining, restraining seals) and in an even bigger part to drugs used to aid in information retrieval.

The was no way in hell they were giving her even the slightest chance to escape, regardless of the helpful presence she played in aiding the Hokage.

Views were split between whether or not torture was necessary, and whether Inoichi's assistance would be required. He was currently still on patrol with Chouza and Shikaku.

Ibiki, in private conversation with Anko and the Hokage present, had revealed that there had been a worrying number of spies and double agents in a staggering number of the supposed loyal Leaf Shinobi forces, quite a number of which came from the I&T department. The documents and medical files that supposedly came from the Sand Village in verification for Saiyan's status as a Sand kunoichi were proven to have been forgeries with startling accuracy. And the file made up by Konoha for the girl from her sudden appearance and admittance into the Leaf Village had vanished.

Not to mention, the senior interrogation officer assigned to examine her possessions had been found dead in a secluded location outside the Village walls, from what the hospital mortuary confirmed to be the quiet, efficient work of a high-ranking medic-nin.

Her bags had been retrieved from her temporary residence and had been immediately turned over to Ibiki. What was found in addition to the original file's report was mind-blowing.

An entire, freaking odyssey about Naruto. The manga books, from random volumes up to 14, detailed the life and daily interactions of one current Team Seven. With Naruto in some role as the main character. The fact that his status as the Junchuuriki of the Nine-Tails was revealed in the first book for all to see was of no comfort.

There was also the information gathered from a few captured Oto-nins that Orochimaru had given a description of the girl to most of his soldiers, with the explicit order to capture her alive and bring her back to Sound after the conclusion of the invasion.

It was most likely, by this point that Orochimaru at least knew about the existence of the books, if not their contents, and had sought her out in an attempt to obtain information.

Something the books weren't short on. Detailing Naruto's life and the mission Team Seven took in the land of the Waves, right up until the invasion at the Chuunin exams. Word for word, action for action of everybody involved down to the letter…

In another word, it could be declared clairvoyance.

The most disturbing thing he obtained from the manga came from the final book in her possession. Naruto vol. 14.

Ibiki had confirmed what he had found with the Hokage, which turned out to be true.

The death of the Third by the use of the fatal sealing jutsu used by Minato to stop the Kyuubi No Kitsune.

Sarutobi had admitted that he would've resorted to the technique, considering the Edo Tensei bound the souls of the returned to the earthly plane by the will of the summoner, and the reconstructed bodies could not be destroyed by normal means.

Regardless, it seemed the presence of Saiyan had prevented the potential disaster of the Leaf losing its leader. Considering the political climate in Konoha, Danzo would've pushed like a mad-man to get the position.

…And he probably would've gotten it.

Saiyan, meanwhile, was clearly higher than a kite. A normal civilian would've had a trippy enough time as it is. The anaemia and low blood-pressure had basically stoned her off her rocker.

While the faint mental reminder not to mention Orochimaru in anything but a negative light remained, she had basically answered every question with un-ninja like honesty with only the slightest prompting. There had also been a near emotional break-down when the thought of a very real execution managed to penetrate through her drug-induced haze. After that particular session, he had left her in her cell, dozing lightly. It was going to take at least a day or so before there was any chance of having a normal conversation with her.

In most cases, Genin were not the first choice for information gathering for obvious reasons and usually only ninja of Jounin or higher rank went through proper torture and interrogation training. (This differed from village to village. In Kiri, Genins were expected to go through proper I&T training before they could make Chuunin, both as interrogator and victim).

Still, if she was a shinobi, she was fairing pretty poorly. It was no easy feat to fake being under the influence of psychotropic drugs, and to be quite frank, the civilian story made more sense. Despite her bravado, she acted like a newly minted Academy student with an insane lucky streak. The reports from Gai, which were almost a weird as he was, she barely had any form to her Taijustu, which was almost exclusively focused on causing as much damage to the most vulnerable parts of the body as possible.

He had never seen her attempt to practice with her weapons, despite prompting from Ten-ten. There was also a lack of genjutsu techniques from the girl, not to mention the complete lack of basic ninja techniques such as the rope-sheading technique, the replacement technique just to name a few. No village would promote a ninja from basic training without at least some understanding of these jutsus.

All that she really had were the techniques that she had created for herself, if she was to be believed. The invisibility jutsu she had shown Team Gai, for instance. There were, of course, genjutsu and ninjutsus used for stealth and hiding, but nothing on the same level as the technique she was capable of. Fooling the Byakugan…

In summary: Civilian with a lucky streak.

There was clear evidence that what she had said about her proper status and how she knew what she did. However, it was still unknown as to whether or not she had hidden agenda or exactly who she was loyal to.

A civilian who had been admitted into the Shinobi ranks, who held S-class secrets about possibly every Hidden Village on the continent, who had pretty much worked all her efforts towards ruining Orochimaru's attempted take-over and had had her life declared forfeit by the Snake Sannin...

Considering the number of witnesses, and the rumour-mill of the Leaf Village, the last thing they wanted to do was to execute someone who had gone up against Orochimaru, of all people, to save the Hokage.

Even for ninjas, that pill would be a bitter one to swallow.

It's days like this that they made sake for, isn't it?

***Third Person Point-Of-View* Holding cell, five hour later**

About five hours after questioning, stuck alone in the tiny interrogation cell, Saiyan was finally returning to a conscious state.

Lifting up her head, she half-heartedly attempted to remove the small amount of spittle from the corner of her mouth on her shirt sleeve, only to have her progress restricted by the chakra suppressing chains.

Still quite dizzy and lightheaded, she tiredly gave up on cleaning her face and settled her head back down to its former resting place, with the cloudy thought that a her head-ache would go way with another few hundred hours of sleep…

That seemed to be the most she would move for the next little while

That is, until she felt someone's tongue lick her face.

"Hmm…Orochi…?"

Yeah, now that's a nice dream…

The action repeated itself.

"Hmm…mh…"

With the majority of her face now covered in a thin film of saliva, the half-comatose prisoner finally found enough strength to turn her head and wrench open one of her eyelids…

Only to come face to face with a pair of free floating, demon–red eyes. In space of time it took to blink, a pearly-white set of the teeth the size of stone chisels materialised under the malevolent pair of eyes.

The floating mouth split into a toothy grin that would've eclipsed the Grinch's.

"_**HERE'S JIMMY**_!"

The two apparent occupants of the room just stared at each other.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…the _f**k_?"

**So, a chapter before Christmas with over 5,000 words…Am I forgiven, yet?**

**I sincerely hope this chapter is up to standard for everybody. **

**You know if for whatever reason I decided not to continue with this story, I'd probably just give a final chapter with a brief summary of events and skip right to the saucy part. It shouldn't have to come to that, though. **

**In actual fact, I'm a really good story teller. It's just that when I try to write down what I think, the result is never up to my expectations. First-Person perspective isn't my forte. **

**Merry Christmas!**

_**PREVIEW TIME:**_

"So, you know about the books?"

"Yes."

"And the trinkets?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't before?"

"No. We didn't."

"But Orochimaru does?"

"Yes."

"And he wants to kill me."

"Yes."

"And you now know I'm not a ninja?"

"Yes."

"And that I've lied to you for the entire duration I've been here?"

"Yes."

"…I'm in some real deep ****, aren't I?"

"Frankly…Yes."

"You're a civilian, with access to knowledge of events that have yet to occur, and jutsus that would be considered S-rank for even someone of Kage level."

"Yeah, I know…Look, forgive me for this, but I really wasn't sure how to proceed under the circumstances. I really acted hasty"

"Good thing that we've decided to let you live, provided you become permanent resident of the Leaf Village. And you are forthcoming with _all_ the information at your deposal."

"Absolutely!"

"I have a question."

"…Do I get to be a Chuunin?"

"…I think we can allow that."

"_**Oh,**_ _**Hells yes**_!"


	22. The Joys of Indie Horror Games

**_I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Nor do I own Jackie Chan Adventures or any of its affiliates…Help me Internet, I think I might be a brony! Or a pegasister. The fact I know the two terms just increases my worry._**

**_Dear FFN, WHY WON'T YOU LET ME ADD LINE BREAKS?!_**

**_Happy Year of the Snake, everybody!_**

_**Aside from that, you all know the drill. ^_^**_

***Saiyan's Point-Of-View* - I&T Interrogation building**

"…What…who…?"

"**It's me, Rei-kun! Your snuggly-wuggly, ghostie-wostie! I saved you from the dust-bunny zombie humans and that weird guy you like who isn't Alucard!**"

The black, slitted pupils wonder into the corner of the scarlet irises as the entity seems to concentrate for a minute.

"**Wait…do you still like Vegeta?**"the entity asks itself,** "Nah, you went off of him when his arm muscles got bigger than his head**."

The eyes float absentmindedly off on a tangent for a minute while the creature thinks.

"**Then he got a hair-cut and grew a moustache, but we don't talk about that. EVER**." The red eyes narrow and the right one twitches, ever so slightly.

…This talking…does not…help…my headache…

"But…Jimmy?...Doesn't he…say…Here's Johnny?" Dear god, my throat is dry…

"**Jimmy is a funny name! Jimmy, **_**Jimmy**_**, JIMM-AAAAYYYY!" **The ghost intones with excitement, mouth and eyes sailing around the room animatedly.

…I'm wasted…Oh, so very wasted…

"…Why does my head hurt?" I whimper.

"**Dunno.**" Voices the floating face. "**Have you been playing Portal 2 again?**"

I try to stare at the suspended eyes, before the glare of the lights forces me to close them again. "What does that…have to do with…anything?"

"**Maybe you were thinking…**_**with portals**_." is the serious response.

…_What_…?

"**Damn, now I want some cake." **The spectre moans.

"Oh, god…" I groan. "Nothing makes sense anymore…"

"**Just like an Amnesia: The Dark Descent custom story." **He cheerfully responds.** "Or Anna. Anna was snooker loopy. But the Divine mask was evil-tastic! I could totally work that thing.**" The levitating facial features morph into a come-hither expression.

"Rei, I love you…please stop talking…" I beg, quietly.

"**Are you hungry? I could really go for some chocolate donuts with sprinkles. And some bacon. Maybe even some donuts stuffed with bacon. How come no one's ever thought of that before? Bacon makes everything better, and that includes donuts.**" The poltergeist chats to itself.

"Please…no talking…just…go eat someone…please…" I whisper in a strained voice.

"**Alright, I'll just go and steal the life force of some wandering meat popsicle. Enjoy your nap. I'll be back later.**" The voice begins to fade away, along with the eyes and the set of teeth. Leaving me alone in the cell. Thankfully.

"Oh…my…freaking…_head_…"

…zZz…

…zZz…

***Saiyan's Point-Of-View* - I&T building, the following evening**

Ibiki is currently attempting to give me some sort of mental disorder with the way he's staring at me. I suppose that, with the invasion and me slighting him, he hates me at least three times more than he did when he first met me. I can't work out the Hokage's flat expression, although I doubt it it's anything good at any rate.

I'm just freaking dead.

"So, you know about the books?"

"Yes."

"And the trinkets?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't before?"

"No. We didn't."

"But Orochimaru does?"

"Yes."

"And he wants to kill me."

"Yes."

"And you now know I'm not a ninja?"

"Yes."

"And that I've lied to you for the entire duration I've been here?"

"Yes."

"…I'm in some real deep ****, aren't I?"

"Frankly…Yes." Ibiki finishes.

_Freaking, fruking dead._

I look down at the floor. The Hokage picks up where Ibiki left off.

"You're a civilian, with access to knowledge of events that have yet to occur, and jutsus that would be considered S-rank for even someone of Kage level." Ibiki continues, "Although, they're probably more like high Chuunin level considering the way you use them."

I bite down the urge to glare at him. I'm in enough hot water already.

"Yes, I know…Look, forgive me for this, but I really wasn't sure how to proceed under the circumstances. I really acted hastily."

"So you thought you could take on an S-rank missing-nin. One of the Sannin, no less." Sarutobi states rather than asks.

Oh, everything I've done sounds really stupid when you put it like that…

"But the village... the story in the Naruto manga is not a happy one. Once you die, the Leaf Village just crumbles. I thought that if you lived..."

"You arrived here only a few weeks ago, and you decided to place the burden of protecting me on yourself?"

"But-I couldn't tell anyone! Who would have believed me, if I did?"

"This evidence is more than enough, at least." Sarutobi replies, waving a hand at the books.

"I…didn't want anyone else to know about them. I was terrified about anyone knowing that something like them existed. I mean, they're redundant now, but they still show important events and vital information. There's the old saying: 'three may keep a secret if two of them are dead.' I had actually thought about burning them after the Exams…"

I look up once more at him, and put my head down again in utter shame. "…Sorry…_sir_."

The old man sighs. "Good thing that we've decided to let you live, provided you become permanent resident of the Leaf Village. And you are forthcoming with _all_ the information at your deposal."

I blink for a minute, not believing my luck. "Absolutely!" I half-shout in the wake of my newfound relief.

I'm not going to die! I'm not going to die!

"I have a question."

Hiruzen pauses. "Yes?"

"…Do I get to be a Chuunin?"

"…I think we can allow that."

"_**Oh,**_ _**Hells yes**_!"

Heh, heh. Whoops.

The Hokage switches back to his 'stern' voice. "But to be clear; this rank is given to you based on the level of classified information you possess." He continues. "You'll be prohibited from taking on missions any higher than a D-rank until I say otherwise. Are we clear?"

I nod my head, eagerly. "Definitely."

"Are there any skills you acquired in your pervious home which you think could be of some benefit?"

I scratch my head, absentmindedly in mild embarrassment. "I was training to be a teacher. I can teach Biology and Chemistry to a high level."

The Hokage closes his eyes and hums thoughtfully to himself. "Iruka could use an assistant at the academy, even if it's only for paperwork and basic management." He reopens his eyes, "We could also arrange for him to tutor you in academy subjects and techniques."

"This would also give you a source of income, as well as doing some small D-rank missions around Konoha." He continues, "Doing both would give you a modest Chuunin budget. Enough for an apartment and living necessities, at least."

"Sounds good to me." Well, better than nothing, I guess.

"We'll need to allocate a small group of ANBU to you for surveillance. We lost a good deal of our forces during the invasion and there's no guarantee that Orochimaru won't attempt something while the village is weakened." In my peripheral vision, Ibiki nods.

Hiruzen turns to look at Ibiki

"Have the items been destroyed? " he asks the Interrogator.

"Affirmative."

Sarutobi turns back towards me. "You were right in that no-one should know their existence, so unfortunately it was necessary to destroy the entire contents of you bag."

I finger my watch sadly. This means no more books, no more music and no drawings. All I have left is my necklace and my watch. Damn…

"I assume you already have an idea about our next course of action?"

"You want to pick your successor for the title of Hokage. And Tsunade is really the only logical choice." I say, immediately.

"You've got to let Jiraiya take Naruto with him when he goes to get her. He's caught wind the some unsavoury characters are coming to try take him while the village is weakened."

"They're the S-rank _nuke-nin_ group that Jiraiya knows about."

"And exactly how much do you know about them?"

Okay, need the truth, but not the whole truth. Just the basics, don't claim to know the details. Got to keep things on track…

"They call themselves the Akatsuki and they consist of high-ranking missing-nin from probably every Hidden Village. The most well-known members include Itachi Uchiha, Kisame Hoshigaki, Akasuna no Sasori, and probably a few more. Orochimaru used to be a member, but defected to start up the Hidden Sound. I don't know the exact reason."

I take in a breath and resume. "They're trying to capture all the Tailed Demons, most likely to them take-over the continent. I mean, why else would you gather giant, powerful monsters if not for global conquest?"

"Do you know who is acting as the group's leader?" Hiruzen asks.

"Not really. The series isn't finished, so I only know that those three are in the group. The identity of the mastermind behind it all hasn't been identified yet."

Madara, Tobi, Obito; who cares? The show hasn't had a sane plot twist since the Fourth Shinobi War started.

"Any other information you'd like to furnish us with."

I think for a minute.

I smile, sheepishly and rub my head. "Yeah, quite a lot, actually."

I can tell this is going to take a while.

***Saiyan's Point-Of-View* - Konohagakure**

It's about nine o' clock at night by the time I'm dismissed from the I&T department. As it stands, the whole of the Leaf Village is shrouded in under the cloak of a cool, cloudy evening. A slight breeze and a greyish horizon seem to indicate the coming of a cold change to the Land of Fire.

There are a few paper lanterns scattered about the buildings, hastily put up in and around the crushed structures and damaged houses. Piles of cleaned up rumble still sit in the streets, and in the distance, there are the loud noises of shouting men and the crashing sounds of stone, wood and metal.

The whole village seems geared to getting the area cleaned up and fixed as soon as possible. There are quite a few ninja flitting across the roof-tops for this hour.

The Chuunin Exam apartments are, thankfully, nowhere near where the giant snake summon and the invading forces broke though the wall. Hence, the reason why I still have a house to go back to.

There's another stiff breeze high above my head as another group of shinobi dash across the rooftop. The faint smell of burning wood reaches my nose. I turn down the street to my apartment.

I wonder if I'll still be living here after the village gets fixed up? The Hokage did say these apartments were just for international delegates for the Chuunin Exams. He probably wouldn't want me living here on a permanent basis.

I bet the insurance premiums in this village are through the roof, if they have such a thing. _Does our contract cover fire, bijuu, nukenin and earthquake damage? _

The front door creaks open and swings stiffly on its hinges. I climb into the small alcove area and flick off my zori. I slowly make my way pass the kitchen down to the bedroom.

Well, all things considered, that was either a very impressive cock-up or a real life-saving move. Orochimaru and the Third Hokage are alive and well, with the exception that the Snake Sannin now wants me dead and Hokage had me spill the beans about what I know.

Well, most of it…My crush on his crazy, former student thankfully didn't come up in the conversation.

I enter the bedroom, and reach up to flick on the lights… when a pair of arms slip around my neck and put me into a choke-hold.

I jerk and thrash like a madman, trying to kick at the person's legs, but the arms holding me just squeeze tighter.

"If I knew you were going to be this much trouble, I would've gotten rid of you in the first place." A voice grunted from behind my head.

What?! Kabuto?!

"Unfortunately for you, Lord Orochimaru wants to express his displeasure with you in person." The medic-nin continued, "You are in possession of some very interesting items. We found your diary to be the most intriguing."

My Diary?! But it was…!

I try to buck him off again, the grip around my throat tightens.

"I'd advise you to keep still, you wouldn't want me to damage something important." He hisses.

I breathe in sharply.

There's a moment of silence…and the ninja holding me goes unnaturally stiff.

There's a frightened gasp. "…_What-?_"

I push myself forward as forcefully as I can, feet digging into the floor and legs straining. The arms hold like steel beams. And then…

The sudden and unexpected release of pressure sends me tripping over my feet, falling face down a few feet away on the floor. I hear a footstep behind me and turn over sharply.

Kabuto is frozen in position, his face an ashen white with fear, his black eyes darting about in their immobile sockets.

Around the two of us, the lights in the room flicker and to black, leaving us both in total darkness. The only sound I can hear is the sound of my breathing.

Then, out of nowhere, a sickening wave of vertigo overtakes me.

The room and everything in it seem to sway and shift all around me, warping and twisting out of shape. The growing noise of eerie, unearthly screeches and screams fill the air. Everything gets darker and darker, and a deep humming sound starts ringing in my ears. A shuddering breath from Kabuto make me wonder if he's experiencing the same thing.

I let my head fall back onto the floor, feeling mere seconds away from throwing up or fainting, eyes held firmly shut with motion sickness. The humming gets loader and nausea grows with it.

There's a low moan from Kabuto above me as the floor and walls warp….the humming, the god awful hum reaches a mind-breaking pitch…

…There's a high, almost sweet noise like someone tapped a champagne flute with a finger...

A shriek of terror and agony cuts through the air like Rasen-shuriken.

I bolt upright, eyes wide open.

The very air around Kabuto twists into an obsidian vortex. The colours of skin, his clothes, his _everything_ fade to a foggy grey as a black storm whips behind him. The horrible screaming pauses as the medic tries to turn to glance behind him.

The moving blackness swallows up the medic-nin, and his final scream stops with a jarring abruptness. The warping stops and screeching and humming dies away, as the inky mass coalesces from its vapour-like state. Finally, the mass gains a form.

My saviour is a dark purple _oni_, covered with what looks like fur, with a roundish body and a spike-covered back. In addition, it has a pair of stubby legs and arms, two long, pointed ears and a short, pointed tail. The whites of its slit eyes are a blood red, and its large tooth-filled mouth is curled into a sinister grin.

Suddenly, the monster burps.

"**Oooh…***_**bleah**_*** he'll be repeating on me for a while." **He says, covering his mouth with a clawed hand.

The spectre drops the hand and replaces it with his face-bending smile. **"You really can't do without me, can you?" **the violet creature asks rhetorically.

I put myself up off of the floor and flop down onto the bed in a sitting position, still breathing heavily, hands feeling the new bruises around my neck. The entity occupies himself by picking out… something stuck between his huge teeth.

What the hell just happened?

"What…the heck did you do to him?" I manage to ask.

The Gengar rests his non-existent chin upon his hand. **"Well…it's kind of like soul eating, but you also eat the body in a way. So there's nothing left over when you're done. Maybe it's like you're erasing them from existence. Or something."**

Gee, that's informative.

The ghost hovers in the air slightly and flips upside-down, still in the same position. **"I don't think he'll be able to come back, even if Snakey-snakey chan did the zombie voodoo thing again."**

Wait, this means Kabuchimaru won't exist anymore. Thank all 8 million _kami_! I hated the little _bastardo_! Even more so than regular Kabuto.

I breathe a sign of utter relief. "So he's definitely gone from this plane of existence."

"**Yep, he's gone to see the giant red man with the mahogany desk."**

I look up and just stare at him.

"Okay, seriously. How do you know so much about things like that?"

"**Things like what?"**

"Things like the abridged Naruto and Dragonball Z series, and Hellsing and Portal and all that stuff."

"**YouTube, duh."**

I put my hands up in the air. "When have _you_ ever watched YouTube?!" I ask in exasperation. "You've only physically existed for as long as I've been here!"

"**Not really! How often have you been training us when you've been watching amine or YouTube and all that."**

"But that was only in the game. I mean, have you been cognitively aware of things happening outside the game all this time? Not just here in this world?"

"Well…I think we got most of that from you."

"We...?What-?"

The Gengar shrugs his shoulders.** "I dunno, spill-over from you own personality and memories, or something. Talk to Lantern, or Gyottoshi or Ouji. Heck, Mezurashi should know something about it. Psychic-types know **_**everything**_**." **He finishes with a sarcastic moan.

Well, Rei's certainly being helpful…

"Does this mean you guys have got a summoning world to yourself?"

"**Damn Skippy! Did you think we would go into the PC if it was just a digital storage tank. What do you think we are, Digimon?"**

So the PC has become a summoning plane here?

"**We got forests, mountains, beaches, oceans, cities, volcanoes, wide grassy plains, the works! No real entertainment, though. You might want to sort that out sooner or later." **Rei continues.

"Can all of you travel between the different areas?"

The apparition nods.** "Sure. We do what we want."**

"How many of you can speak?"

The lips purse into a thoughtful expression. **"Pretty much everyone. A few can't, or don't want to. I don't really know."**

A smile breaks out on my face. "How's Kimochi and Yurei?"

The spectre blushes and pulls on his 'ears'. **"As sweet and screechy as she's ever been. And Yurei takes after his most **_**awesome**_** father, of course."**

The ghost-type stops pulling on his ears and his blush fades as a sneaky smile breaks out across his face.

Rei puts his pinkie-finger to his mouth in a very familiar way.** "Of course, we all know who you've been making smoochy faces at." **He says, waggling the pinkie at me in a suggestive manner.

Putting his arms above his head and his finger-tips together like a ballet dancer performing a plié, the large ghost-type begins to spin around, getting faster and faster with each turn.

The lights in the apartment flicker as a surge of dark, gaseous, miasma-like energy blows through the room as Rei spins even faster, his form disappearing into a blackish-violet blur.

The mini-tornado of ghostly chakra begins to shift and alter, becoming thinner and taller, the dark violet vortex giving way to one of crème, purple and black. Suddenly, the spinning figure stops.

The person left standing where Rei once was is an exact replica of the Snake Sannin. Right down to the robes, the purple rope, the white face and purple kohl, the…red, slit eyes?

"You look like what would happen if Orochimaru got the Sharingan." I tell the pale, snake-like figure.

The _Henge_-d Rei smiles.

"What can I say? I know what my master likes." The Orochimaru look-alike looks at me with one of his small, characteristic smirks, the voice perfectly matching that of the real White Snake.

I choke._ M-Master?!_ Where did_ that_ come from?!

He begins to saunter towards me, a predatory look in his scarlet eyes.

I try and will the oncoming blush into non-existence. I put up my hands in an attempt to ward Orochi-Rei off. "Rei, this isn't funny. Stop it."

The Sannin clone ignores my comment and pushes himself closer to me. "But my dear, I thought it was you who wanted _thisssssss_." He hisses, deliberately stretching out the ess sound.

With him so close, I notice a few more of the imperfections of Rei's new form. The Orochimaru he's transformed into seems slimmer and leaner; the hair appears longer and has a slight purplish sheen to it. As he runs a hand through the dark locks, I notice the nails are long and black, with pointed ends. His ears also seem much more pointed, too.

"What I wanted was the real Orochimaru, not you in a ghost-_Henge_." I reply, pushing the solid body away from me.

The figure puts a finger to his lips and looks at me with mock-hurt. "Give me a chance. You might find you like me better." Orochi-Rei says coyly, imitating the Sannin's characteristic tongue wagging.

He leans closer towards me. "I have prettier eyes, after all." He flutters his purple-lined eyelids at me, his red snake-eyes glinting.

I give him a look. "Stop it, or I'll tell Kimochi on you. I'm pretty sure she'd beat you up."

The fake Sannin puts a hand over his mouth "Oooh, you meanie." He whines.

I give him a flat look. "You see? That right there is why I wouldn't have dress up as the Snake Sannin. It would be a cold day in hell before Orochimaru, of all people, utters the word: meanie." I say, dryly.

The fake Sannin loops a lock of hair around one of his fingers and twists it. "So, I can pretend to look like Mr. Snakey, but just not to you?

He locks his fingers together in glee. "Oh, I can't wait to go out for a night-time stroll." He says, a smile of Alucard-ian proportions appearing on Orochimaru's face.

My eye twitches at his audacity. "What-? No! No going out dressed as Orochimaru! Anywhere! At all!" I say, waving my hands in finality.

"You'd give people fits if they saw you!"

"Oooh, even better!" the ghost says, excitedly.

"_Rei!_"

"But-?" he tries.

"No!"

"Aww…" Orochi-Rei's face falls.

I put my hands over my face. "Oh, that's it. I'm going to bed. It's too late and I'm too tired for all this nonsense."

"Can I go out then?" asks the ghost, hopefully.

"Take off the disguise and don't let anybody see you. After than I don't care what you do."

"Yipee!" There's a poof (involving purplish smog) and Rei is back in his normal form.

"**Can I invite my family out too? **_**Pwease**_?"

"Only so long as you fetch me someone willing to guard me and house while I sleep."

"**Be right back**." There's a poof, this time with normal summoning smoke.

I sigh and go to close up the house and the windows. By the time I've locked the doors and windows and have changed into my pyjamas, the Shadow Pokémon reappears in the bedroom with another smoke cloud.

Sitting on the floor, scratching an fuzzy ear, is Sei Ryoku. A wave of his paw in greeting and he swaggers out of the room to start patrolling in the kitchen.

The other two monsters hovering besides Rei are a pair of ghosts, one bigger than the other, with the smaller one a bluish-purple and the larger a dark bluish-green. While neither has any visible arms or legs, their lower halves appear to resemble a small, ruffled dresses. They both have about several round, red gems around their necks, and long, flowing lilac-tipped "hair". Their large eyes, in stark contrast to Rei's scarlet, are a bright yellow with ruby irises.

I had bred Rei with my Misdrevus, Kimochi and had gotten Yurei, who had a pretty good mash-up of both of his parent's moves. Nice to see there's actually a sign of who the father is. Breeding in the games gives you none of the fun you should get by having two different species mate to produce viable offspring.

I address the larger of the two. "Hello, Kimochi."

"_**Hello, Lady Saiyan."**_

Wha-? Lady?! _Lady?!_

"Yo-You really don't have to call me that." I say, embarrassment painting itself across my face.

Kimochi's surprisingly soft voice rings with a quiet reverence._** "You are my trainer, it's only respectful."**_

"Hello, Yurei."

The little ghost gives me a warm smile._** "Hello, Aunty Saiyan."**_ Yurei's speech is slightly more masculine, but still carries the softness of his mother's voice.

Jeeze, Aunty now?!

The largest ghost claps his hands together, clearly wanting to finish up and get going.** "Okay, introductions have been made. Let's go out and paint the town a few shades of scared."**

"Goodnight, Rei. Goodnight, Kimochi. Goodnight, Yurei."

I slide the covers up and get into bed, while the two Screech Pokémon fly across to the windowed wall and phase seamlessly through it. Rei starts to hover and makes a move to do the same.

Before he reaches the wall, I call out. "Ah, Rei? Before you go…?" He turns to face me.

"I'm, ah, a little to hyped up for sleep, at the moment. Wonder if you could…? "

The Gengar gains a look of recognition.** "Oh, sure, I got you. No problem." **He floats over to hover above me.

"**Now, did you want a wet dream, or just a normal one?"**

"_REI!"_

"_**Sorry**_**."** Whines the spectre.

I let out a highly embarrassed huff. "A normal dream, thank you. And don't eat it."

"Fine, fine." Replies the ghost. For a minute, he stares at me with his colossal red eyes. Before…

Before…

That's… a really…

_Nice…_

_Red… _

…

…

…

…_zZz…_

…_zZz…_

***Third Person Point-Of-View* - Hokage's Office**

Even on the morning of the second day since the invasion of Konohagakure, construction on the crushed and toppled buildings had long since begun. In the office of the Third, the Professor and one of his students were having a conversation.

The aged village leader removed the pipe from his mouth and addressed his last, remaining student. "You want her to come with you when you go to collect Tsunade?"

The loyal Sannin gave a curt nod. "Yes."

"I presume, with recent events as they are, that you have a reason for this?"

The Sannin's gaze was stern. "The rumours about her have spread faster than I thought. And by now, they've most likely spread to unfriendly ears."

"You think they'll try to recruit her for their own purposes?" The Hokage placed the lit pipe back into his mouth.

"A genin who somehow blocked the forbidden Reanimation technique and can keep up with one of the Legendary Sannin? What do you think?" Jiraiya replied, with a hint of mock facetiousness.

The aged leader sighed. "Is the threat of this group greater than the threat of Orochimaru? He'll take any chance for revenge. At least she has some protection inside the village walls."

"Something I'm sure Orochimaru knows. If she comes with me and Naruto, we'll be on the road and a lot harder to track. Considering she slighted him the way she did, I'm surprised he hasn't sent someone to take care of her already."

Sarutobi took a long, slow drag on his pipe. "Having her tag along with you just makes yourselves an already bigger target."

The Toad Sage looked somewhat affronted. "You don't think I'm just going to stand by if someone comes along. Besides, it gives me more of a chance to study her jutsu and the summonings she has with her."

Hiruzen sent the taller ninja a look. "I'll already been informed about two of them. Kakashi mentioned that Team Seven had a run with two of them during the second phase of the exam. They described one of them as a yellow, dog-like creature and the other as a large, four-winged bat. Apparently, the dog summon has the ability to use Raiton techniques."

"I can at least confirm the possibly. From the one I've seen, it's doesn't really resemble any one sort of animal, and it had an overly large amount of water-based chakra running through its body."

The Toad Sage scratched the side of his face. "Then there's also the fact it can merge fully with water. I've never held of a summon, or indeed any sort of creature, with that kind of ability."

The older man gave the younger a knowing look. "You're concerned that they might be related to the bijuu, somehow." Prompted the Professor.

Jiraiya shrugs. "I just think there's more to these creatures than she's letting on." He moved over to glance out of the window.

"What have you heard?"

"They're beginning to move."

There was a cold silence.

"You're sure?" Hiruzen asks, quietly.

"Positive." Came the reply.

The aged man let out the breath he had been holding in.

"It is just as she said."

The hardened expression on the Sannin's face gives way to a mix of suspicion and shock. "What?"

"Saiyan is in possession of facts and events that may occur in the future, which was part of the reason that she succeeded in fending off Orochimaru." He rests his elbows upon the desk as he intertwines his fingers and clasps his hands together.

"The proof of this, at least somewhat confirms her story."

Sarutobi continues. "We believe that Orochimaru is also aware of her knowledge, to a degree."

"All the more reason to get her out of the village." Jiraiya states.

The Toad Sage takes another look through the large window at the Leaf Village, his gaze fixed on the towering yet broken wall and crushed buildings beside it.

"We need to leave as soon as possible."

The Hokage gives him a very intense look. Finally, he lets his gaze drop.

"Do it."

**This is a bit of a filler chapter, to be honest. It is either she go with them or half the story falls to pieces. Hopefully this scenario sounds plausible, with any luck. Yeah, the line is 'Here's Johnny'. But Jimmy just sounds better. **

**Same old, same old, I'll be hibernating for my usual period (e.g. studying), so you may have to rely on being entertained by the rest of the Internet. But, who knows. Might be able to plonk out another one, if I get the chance. **

**Please, I adore your reviews, but ease up on the "please update" messages. I'm really trying here, but Uni is Uni and I'm aiming for a PhD by the end of my academic career. **

**If you find out the meaning of the Pokémon names, that's a reason to send a review. But please, don't break my heart by asking for more updates when I'm not in a position to do so. **

**Gengar (Male) - 'Rei Obake' Lv.100 (Spell Tag) **

**Quirky Nature, Traded from Pokémon Tower as a Haunter (Lv.15) **

**Shadow Ball, Dream Eater, Destiny Bond, Hypnosis.**

**Misdreavus (Female) - 'Kimochi' Lv.80 (X Sp. Attack) **

**Gentle Nature, Met at Lost Cave (Lv.22) **

**Psywave, Perish Song, Astonish, Psybeam. **

**Misdreavus (Male) - 'Yurei Obake' Lv.50 (None) **

**Docile Nature, Hatched: Lost Cave (Lv.5) **

**Psybeam, Psywave, Destiny Bond, Shadow Ball. **


End file.
